Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Fail to Impress Local Residents

[tan tan]

Brad Pitt Angelina Jolie Fail to Impress Local Residents
By Chip Hilton
Mar 20, 2006, 09:22 CERNOBBIO, Italy - Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie did not show up in this tiny northern Italian village to get married over the weekend; but if they had, they would not have made an impression on Arnaldo Bonpensiero, senior desk clerk at the Hotel Miralago.

"You call them movie stars? I call them peasants," said Mr. Bonpensiero, 63, pretending to spit a mouthful of wine on the floor of Trattoria La Vignetta.

"Marcello Mastroianni, Sophia Loren—
now that's a movie star. Dignified, classy, always well dressed. Not like this Pitt mortadella and his puttana," said Bonpensiero, using the Italian words for "loser" and "whore."

"You ever see Marcello arriving at an airport in a knitted cap wearing blue jeans and carrying a diaper bag? What a cafone, this Pitt."

"Effe," spat Mr. Bonpensiero's friend Primo Cifaretto, 61, using the first letter of effemminato as shorthand for "a passive homosexual."

The two friends were equally unimpressed with Angelina Jolie.

"We have a saying in our country," said Mr. Cifaretto. "'She would [sleep with] a snake if she wanted his pile of rocks.'"

Mr. Bonpenserio also thought it was wrong that Mr. Pitt divorced Jennifer Aniston because he was having an affair with Ms. Jolie.

"A real man would never do that," said Mr. Bonpensiero. "We have a saying in our country: 'A mistress is for afternoons; a marriage is forever.'"

"What a ruffiano, that Brad Pitt," added Mr. Cifaretto. "Marcello had plenty lovers, yet he was married to the same woman for forty-
eight years. Both his mistress, Catherine Deneuve, and his wife, Flora, were at his bedside when he died. Do you think Jennifer Aniston will even send flowers when Brad Pitt dies?"


Source: pugbus.net

[Voodoo Child]

Omg . This guy has sealed his fate. He is going to have strips pulled off him from the locals on here!!!!!!

[Grimmlok]

Oh come on, this article is a joke

[Voodoo Child]

There is never any joking on this subject.

[Elisa]

Honestly, I'm sure this suits Brad and Ange fine. I truly don't think they're trying to impress anyone. They're probably happy to be in a place where they don't make an impression. That's probably where they'll end up married - far away from the media circus.

[ediebrooks]

It would be pitiful if they were actually trying to impress someone.

[Voodoo Child]

Now I have that Shania Twain song in stuck in my head *That Don't Impress Me Much!*

[ediebrooks]

I didn't care for that stuff the man he said about staying married and also having a long-time mistress. But I thought the other comments he made were interesting.

[muchlove]

Isn't it pretty clear that the article is just a joke?

[CherryDarling]

This is funny.

[Elvira]

Well I won’t say where this article came from, since the last time I did it was
implied that I was a party pooper.

[moomies]

Not like this Pitt mortadella and his puttana," said Bonpensiero, using the Italian words for "loser" and "whore."
"You ever see Marcello arriving at an airport in a knitted cap wearing blue jeans and carrying a diaper bag? What a cafone, this Pitt."

I appreciate his honest criticism. Yay, I now know a couple of swear words in Italian.

[Palermo]

This was the funniest thing I ever read on this forum

[muchlove]

Well, this is from pugbus, which is purely a satire site, so I moved this to Miscellaneous. Try not to post fake articles in the gossip section, guys.

[Voodoo Child]

Ahh poo it gets the best laughs though!