I can't believe they left out the black kid's pants.
When a celebrity lands themselves into some trouble, a powerhouse team of publicists typically do what they're hired to do: spin, spin, spin.
But Charlie Sheen's camp lobbed a doozy Tuesday, hours after it was revealed the troubled actor spent the night in the hospital following a booze-and-blow binge with a hired date in his Plaza Hotel suite, police sources said.
And the "Two and a Half Men" star, who has infamously struggled with alcohol, drugs and anger management, now has his team pulling double-duty, releasing not one but two statements.
"What we are able to determine is that Charlie had an adverse reaction to some medication and was taken to the hospital, where he is expected to be released tomorrow," Sheen's publicist said.
Added his lawyer, "Charlie is being evaluated and should be released tomorrow. We think he had an allergic reaction to some medicine."
So does Sheen's "allergy" take the cake for All-Time Worst Excuse? Consider these celebs and their rather unfortunate circumstances:
PARIS HILTON Offense: The heiress, who - like Sheen - is no stranger to law enforcement, found herself back in court this summer after she was arrested in Las Vegas on suspicion of cocaine possession.
Defense: In addition to initially claiming the stash was actually just gum, Hilton later insisted that the purse in which the drugs were found wasn't hers. The jig was up when an old photo of Hilton showing off the bag was unearthed. She later agreed to a plea deal for two misdemeanor charges, thereby avoiding jail and instead getting a sentence of probation, a fine and community service.
LINDSAY LOHANOffense: When Lohan was due to appear in a Beverly Hills courthouse for a mandatory hearing in May, the actress was a no-show.
Defense: The scandal-ridden starlet claimed her passport was stolen while she was in Cannes and she would miss her flight. However, the judge was none too pleased, telling LiLo's lawyer, "She should have made sure she either didn't go to Cannes or made sure to be back two days earlier."
BRITNEY SPEARSOffense: In the years before the pop star's official meltdown, Spears was on a slow downward spiral that often wavered into dangerous territory. In 2006, she was photographed driving with her son Sean Preston, then just four months old, in her lap.
Defense: After an outcry, the singer released a statement claiming the illegal seating arrangement was due to a "horrifying, frightful encounter with the paparazzi." Spears later defended herself again, this time in an interview with Matt Lauer, explaining that the act just ran in the family. "I did it with my dad," she said. "I’d sit on his lap and I drive. We’re country."
TOM SIZEMOREOffense: In one of the more bizarre excuses, Tom Sizemore willingly revealed what brand of underwear he wears. In 2005, the actor tried to deny using a prosthetic penis called The Whizzinator to falsify a drug test - yes, really.
Defense: Sizemore's denial was made on the basis that the underwear the prosthetic was sewn into wasn't even his. "They're not mine. They're Calvins. I wear Hilfigers," Sizemore reportedly told the judge before being sentenced to both jail and rehab for violating his probation.
TATUM O'NEAL Offense: O'Neal may still reign as the youngest actress to win an Academy Award, but her drug problems have often overshadowed her decades-long career. In 2008, the supposedly sober actress was arrested for buying crack cocaine in New York City.
Defense: In an interview shortly after she was released from jail, O'Neal said, "there's no excuse for what I did." But she went on to offer just that, explaining that her self-restraint went to the dogs - literally. "I lost my Scottish terrier, Lena... That seemed to set me off," she said.
WHITNEY HOUSTON Offense: In a 2002 interview with Diane Sawyer, the music icon admitted to using alcohol, marijuana, cocaine and pills "at times," but was very defensive when it came to the topic of crack.
Defense: Houston, who had long-struggled with substance abuse, claimed she avoided the drug on account of being, well, too rich. "First of all, let's get one thing straight. Crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack," she said. "Let's get that straight. Okay? We don't do crack. We don't do that. Crack is wack."
NICOLE RICHIEOffense: The daughter of Lionel Richie was arrested in 2006 after she tried to enter a California highway through an exit ramp. Richie told cops she was lost, though she later admitted to being under the influence of marijuana and Vicodin.
Defense: Why the drugs? "I have really bad menstrual cramps," she told OK! magazine the following year.
EDDIE MURPHYOffense: In Murphy's case, his acting skills may have come in handy. In 1997, the comedian was stopped shortly after picking up a transvestite prostitute on Los Angeles' Santa Monica Boulevard.
Defense: A married Murphy insisted to both the police and later People magazine that he wasn't soliciting sex. He was just being a gentleman and offering a ride. "This is an act of kindness that got turned into a f—king horror show," he told the mag as he claimed to be nothing more than a good Samaritan. True or not, the excuse worked. Though Murphy suffered some bad publicity, he was never charged with a crime.
METHOD MANOffense: Whereas many celebs - including some of the ones mentioned above – try to come up with excuses to deny the use of drugs, the rapper actually admitted it in his explanation for committing another crime: not paying his taxes.
Defense: After his car was repossessed in 2008, Meth told the Daily News that he wasn't broke, contrary to reports. He's just a "pothead." "It's no secret. Everyone knows that," he said. "I go on the road and forget everything else. Sure, [the tax department] sent letters to my house saying, 'We need this money.' They started sending them in 2002. Here it is, 2009, and I never paid this s--- because I don't think like that!" He added, "Because I got high, I forgot to pay. It was stupid. I'm an idiot for that."
ASHLEE SIMPSONOffense: Jessica's little sister was gearing up to perform her song, "Autobiography," during a live "Saturday Night Live" broadcast in 2004. However, her single "Pieces of Me" started playing in the background, vocals and all – even though she had already "sang" it earlier in the show and didn't even have the mic to her mouth. Simpson danced awkwardly before running off-stage.
Defense: At the end of the show, she apologized but put the blame on her band. "My band started playing the wrong song," she said. "I didn't know what to do so I thought I'd do a hoe-down. I'm sorry. It's live TV. Things happen." A few days later, Simpson chalked it all up to a bad case of acid reflex, which supposedly damaged her voice to the point where she was advised to use a "backing track."
Read more: Charlie Sheen's bad 'allergic reaction' excuse tops list of worst celebrity alibis
I can't believe they left out the black kid's pants.
FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej
Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Janet Jackson and "wardrobe malfunction". That's no malfunction. No bra in the history of the world has tearaway cups unless it's designed that way. That was a deliberate flash of her floppy funbag.
"Creepy, like when Tom Cruise laughs." - Bloodhound Gang
"They can take our ignorance when they pry it from our cold dead minds." - Stephen Colbert
"You look into the eyes of a chicken and you lose yourself in a completely flat, frightening stupidity." - Werner Herzog
Plus the countless masses who have been hospitalized for "exhaustion."
"I've cautiously embraced jeggings"
Emma Peel aka Pacific Breeze aka Wilde1 aka gogodancer aka maribou
Yip, yip, yip in your tiny indignation. Bark furiously on, lady dog.
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