Long Distance Relationships

misskris · January 6th, 2006, 10:06 PM

I was just wondering if anyone has had experience with this? My boyfriend left for Guadalajara, Mexico for a 5 month exchange through our university. I am in Canada during this time. I have been extremely sad leading up to his departure and I still miss him like crazy because I used to spend all sorts of time with him. He says that 5 months is not very long in terms of a whole lifetime, which is true, and we talk all the time but I still miss him like crazy and he says he made a big mistake going there because he misses me so much. What do people do to lessen the blow of the long distance?

**NoDayButToday** · January 6th, 2006, 10:24 PM

My boyfriend and I are long distance during the school year. We've been together over a year and a half, but in time spent physically together it's far less than half of that. We are closer than you guys are (only a state apart here), so if it gets really horrible we could always do a visit, but sometimes we don't even have the time for that since we're both so busy. We have "dates" over the phone and sometimes on AIM. They're set times where we know we will talk to each other. We speak on a daily basis in some form-usually online. It is really hard, especially after a school break, to go back to being apart, but you get through it by thinking about the next time you'll see them. Then when you see them again is even better because you've been looking forward to it for so long.

Long distance isn't easy, but for me it's worth it in the end to stay with the person long distance than not at all. There is at least one person on this board that married the person they dated long distance (at least I think there is), so it is possible to get through the distance successfully. Good luck to both of you though, you'll be back together sooner than you think!

muchlove · January 7th, 2006, 03:08 AM

I did LD for a year with my boyfriend, and it was hard. If you manage to talk on the phone and stuff, I think you'll make it through ok. We did online chats and phone calls... it was hard, but tolerable. We also visited each other a few times, which probably helped a lot, but 5 months is definitely do-able over the phone.

SVZ · January 7th, 2006, 03:30 AM

it's the worst thing, besides paris hilton's cooter.

sweetrebel · January 7th, 2006, 09:45 AM

I have only had a short term LDR-he was in the Air Force when I met him he was stationed nearby. It was close enough for a road trip, so I did it a few times. When he went back out west, we talked for a while (huge phone bill!) but both decided it wasn't what we wanted. I did have a great time, though.
Your situation is totally different from mine-y'all have been together then had to do the LDR-I started a realationship as a LDR and we just didn't think it would work.
I think that it is very possible to make it work-you just have to be creative about time spent...how about a webcam? That way you can see each other while you talk...that may make it easier...

Tenaj · January 8th, 2006, 03:10 PM

If you are talking on the phone regularly and it is only a temporary fixture (5 months) then I see no problem whatsoever.

Seriously long term relationships however I don't think work at all. My dad works abroad and met mum in Poland, they got married and had me (yay!) however he continued to work abroad throughout their marriage, going away to foreign countries for months at a time then coming home for a fortnight. They managed but since I moved in with my boyf my mum had so much time on her hands, no one to cook for and look forward to see come home. I visited as often as I could. She got so very lonely to the point that she met up with a divorcee, her and the woman started going out around town and eventually she met another man and had an affair. My mum and dad are now in the process of getting divorced. I think it is very important to be with your partner, I'm not saying being joined to the hip but I can only imagine what it was lile for my mum to wake up in an empty house, potter around not knowing what to do and then going to bed alone. It put a huge strain on their relationship. My dad offered to quit working aboad but it's too late now.

I don't mean to put a dampener on your situation but as I said 5 months is not an eternity, just imagine how happy to see each other you will be when he returns.

IceQueen · January 8th, 2006, 04:35 PM

Yes, I have done it twice.
My husband (then boyfriend) was away for a year in another state. It was doable, but our phone bills were outrageous. I think we subsidized AT&T for awhile. We would talk every night from 11-2 (or when I fell asleep).

The next time was when we were married. He was gone for 6 months learning how to be a welder. This time we had the internet (having learned from the last time). It was really hard emotionally. It was Oct 2001, I had no idea when he was coming back (it depending on when he was going to pass/fail a welding test). Plus, I was the one who was having to pay for all the bills since he wasn't getting paid. Towards the end, I was starting to feel stronger and that I could do fine on my own. Just as I was getting used to my independence, he came back and then we had to relearn how to live as a couple again which was difficult.

My parents and his parents are quite used to the ldr. My father was in the military and out on ships for 3-6 months at a time, his father was a welder who would go out of state often. At a young age, I definitely saw that it was tough.
I don't have any stellar advice other than regular contact is important. If you have free long distance on cell phones, that is great. I didn't have that either time, but it would have been good. Oh, and surprises and visits are nice. Once in a blue moon I'd get flowers to my work, or we'd fly him up here on the weekend specials from the airlines.

misskris · January 8th, 2006, 07:42 PM

this is good. from everyone's experiences and advice it sounds like everything will be ok. the real prob is that he doesn't have constant telephone access or constant internet access. he's trying to organize things so that he will.

IceQueen · January 8th, 2006, 08:47 PM

what about old-fashioned letters? The first time (the year one) we also wrote letters every day. I still have them

Barbara · January 9th, 2006, 05:50 AM

My fisrt long term relationship was LD (350 km), it lasted for 5 years, we saw each other almost every other weekend and were constantly online on AOL, home and office. It's not the distace that made us break up.
Now I'm in another LD relationship (300 km), it has been a little more than two years, and this time it sucks because my BF has to work on weekends quite often. We spend hours on the phone everyday. IMO in the really long run this could not work, though.

But 5 months will go fast, you'll see

twitchy · January 14th, 2006, 01:45 PM

I met my guy when I returned to my home town for a visit and ran into the older brother (also home for a visit) of a friend from school. I took one look at him and thought "WOW!!" We were living 1769 miles (2847 km) apart at the time and communicated for a year through letters (I still have the bundle of these) and phone calls. We also sent each other "care packages" of music, books and other little odds and ends. There is still music I hear that makes me think of him because it was something that he sent to me during that time. We've been married for almost 11 years now and I have nothing to contribute to the "Things you hate about your significant other " thread, so I'd say it certainly can work if it is the right person. Good luck to you!

Pandora · July 23rd, 2006, 03:31 PM

My parents have kept their relationship long distance 3 different times. They are mature, honest, confident and trust each other enough to make it work. Like any normal couple, they have gone through some rough patches, but they have reached a level where they love each other so much that distance is just a detail. They are the only couple going on 26 years of marriage that I know who are still in love.

Nerissa · July 24th, 2006, 09:30 PM

Before I was born my parents had a long distance relationship for a year where they only met on holidays. Few years ago my father had to move to different places because of his job. They had a long distance relationship that lastet 3 years! They are still toghether and their love is stronger than anything in the world...

So, yes I believe it will work.. You just have to believe in the relationship and trust each other and be strong!

PrettyGirl · July 25th, 2006, 12:40 AM

I don't believe in LD relationships. I've done 2 in my lifetime. Never again.

KD · July 25th, 2006, 01:05 AM

So, misskris, is he back and did it work??