Fucking blame this, you cocksucker

[Allie]

Okay, so my grandmother died today. Don't even worry, I really didn't know her too well I haven't shed a tear and quite frankly was not shocked when I learned the news this morning. She was 95 for pete's sake.
Anyway I've noticed at these times of grief, or not even, that my mother does this thing where she blames me for everything. And it's outside of the grief-world, too. Like if she cuts herself while cooking, she'll go: "Ouch! Shit, oooh" and I'll say "Are you alright?" (minding my own business reading or something) and she'll say "Yes..." and I might say something along the lines of "I..." and she'll go "Shut up! Just shoosh, you, it... This is your fault."

I suppose when I was younger I couldn't really tell her what not, but now when she does it, I feel very much like saying "Shut the fuck up!"
When her mother died in 2004 she came back on a plane and I said "how are you?" and she didn't even look at me and she said "how do you think". And after a while she continued to remind me of how "disappointed" Nana was that I wasn't overly friendly to her when we went over (I hadn't seen her since I was 1, then suddenly popped over to England for a visit in 1999) and that she was deeply saddenned. But whether or not she was, I feel like saying to her, I was only 14 and was homesick and had a very horrible new school I was currently not fitting into, so my age plus my shyness were the only fault here.
Then our dog died in January of this year and she told me "you were a horrible person to him". In which case, I wasn't, I was misunderstood. I felt like reminding her that the dog was severely anti-social to me only (weird) and that he bit my foot 3 years prior and ergo I was afraid to go near him. But she insisted on sort of snarling it at me.
And now, my grandmother's died today, and she says "you should have gone last week to see her" because my dad went last week, but I didn't because I had a cold and didn't want to give it to her. And now she's being overly cold to me for some reason, and you know, I just feel like everyone I know is telling me off all the time for minding my own business. Imagine a young person sitting underneath a tree reading and having someone coming up to them and yelling at them for not wearing the colour blue. Yeah. It seems that random. Argh.
I feel like cutting all ties with everyone I know and just moving away and then becoming a bitch to everyone I meet if I need to. Does this sound like a good plan?

[yanna]

She knows it's not your fault. She just needs someone to blame. Part of being there for the people we love is not getting mad at them for things like that. I don't pretend to know your situation exactly but you seem to have a good and loving relationship with your mum. She's only human.

*hugs*

Now stop causing all this crap, ok? My boyfriend lost his glasses yesterday and I just know it was you.

[Lobelia]

Arg, I had to stop reading because your mother was putting me in a bad mood

She's got some issues, Allie! Must have been tough growing up with all that constant disapproval.

[suede]

Originally Posted by Allie

Okay, so my grandmother died today. Don't even worry, I really didn't know her too well I haven't shed a tear and quite frankly was not shocked when I learned the news this morning. She was 95 for pete's sake.
Anyway I've noticed at these times of grief, or not even, that my mother does this thing where she blames me for everything. And it's outside of the grief-world, too. Like if she cuts herself while cooking, she'll go: "Ouch! Shit, oooh" and I'll say "Are you alright?" (minding my own business reading or something) and she'll say "Yes..." and I might say something along the lines of "I..." and she'll go "Shut up! Just shoosh, you, it... This is your fault."

I suppose when I was younger I couldn't really tell her what not, but now when she does it, I feel very much like saying "Shut the fuck up!"
When her mother died in 2004 she came back on a plane and I said "how are you?" and she didn't even look at me and she said "how do you think". And after a while she continued to remind me of how "disappointed" Nana was that I wasn't overly friendly to her when we went over (I hadn't seen her since I was 1, then suddenly popped over to England for a visit in 1999) and that she was deeply saddenned. But whether or not she was, I feel like saying to her, I was only 14 and was homesick and had a very horrible new school I was currently not fitting into, so my age plus my shyness were the only fault here.
Then our dog died in January of this year and she told me "you were a horrible person to him". In which case, I wasn't, I was misunderstood. I felt like reminding her that the dog was severely anti-social to me only (weird) and that he bit my foot 3 years prior and ergo I was afraid to go near him. But she insisted on sort of snarling it at me.
And now, my grandmother's died today, and she says "you should have gone last week to see her" because my dad went last week, but I didn't because I had a cold and didn't want to give it to her. And now she's being overly cold to me for some reason, and you know, I just feel like everyone I know is telling me off all the time for minding my own business. Imagine a young person sitting underneath a tree reading and having someone coming up to them and yelling at them for not wearing the colour blue. Yeah. It seems that random. Argh.
I feel like cutting all ties with everyone I know and just moving away and then becoming a bitch to everyone I meet if I need to. Does this sound like a good plan?

Wow, I have a sibling after all.

Mine was the same way and your plan, was my plan and it worked very for me.

[Grimmlok]

Your mom is a bitch.

Just tell her flat out that you will not accept her blaming you for anything any longer, and that if she continues to do so that you'll simply leave the room and your communication will end until such time that she learns how to behave like an adult.

Then when she does it again (and she will), simply say "I'm ending this conversation." and walk out. Do not talk to her again until she apologizes.

Train her like a dog. She'll eventually learn.

this is also useful over the phone. If she starts, warn her once that you are not interested in continuing that line of discussion. If she keeps going, tell her that if she continues you will simply hang up the phone. When she invariably continues, hang the fuck up on her. Do not answer when she calls right back.

It works wonders. I trained my mother well.

[Honey]

Grumpy mare

[sparkly]

She sounds emotionally immature, and you she's not going to change unless you put your foot down. If she uses the fact that you live with her to her advantage, it would probably be in your best interest to move out and then set the tone for your relationship with her.

[McJag]

I think she is mad at herself-and feels better if she can blame you. Certainly ,she made no effort to make sure you knew your Grandmothers when you were little,or encouraged you to consider them or even care about them! You followed her lead-that they were not important enough to you in life. It certainly was not going to start with their deaths! Her fault. You can just overlook it or give her a book on misplaced anger.

[lisalucy69]

I'm sorry Allie