What to do when you're in and on and off relationship

iluvme · June 14th, 2006, 06:50 PM

Ok I read somewhere that if you are in a relationship where you keep breaking up and reconciling write a list of all the mean things that your partner has done to you and keep it in places where you would constantly see it like by the phone at home or at the office. So basically everything time you see the list you will see what a bitch the other person was and you won't want to reconcile.

Chalet · June 14th, 2006, 08:31 PM

I prefer a simpler approach. Just ask yourself if you think you are a good match. Be honest with yourself meaning do it without making excuses. Doing and saying mean things is not right. I've always felt that my partner should be my biggest supporter....otherwise, what is the point?

mtlebay · June 14th, 2006, 08:44 PM

My best friend emailed me this 4 years ago and I found it very insightful and really helped me question the dead-end relationship I was in a couple of years ago.

Quote:

The ten types of relationship that won't work:

1. You care about your partner more than he does about you.
2. Your partner cares more about you than you do about him.
3. You are in love with your partner's potential.
4. You are on a rescue mission.
5. You look up to your partner as a role model.
6. You are infatuated with your partner for external reasons.
7. You have partial compatibility.
8. You choose a partner in order to be rebellious.
9. You choose a partner as a reaction to your previous partner.
10. Your partner is unavailable.
11. You're into a relationship just for the sake of having a boyfriend/girlfriend.

The six BIGGEST mistakes we make in the beginning of a relationship:

1. We don't ask enough questions.
2. We ignore warning signs of potential problems.
3. We make premature compromises.
4. We give in to Lust Blindness.
5. We give in to material seduction.
6. We put Commitment Before Compatibility.
7. We often mistake the feeling of "being inlove" with "just being inlove with the idea of falling inlove".

Seven Wrong Reasons to be in a Relationship:

1. Pressure(age, family, friends, etc.)
2. Loneliness and desperation
3. Sexual hunger
4. Distraction from your own life
5. To avoid growing up
6. Guilt
7. To fill up your emotional or spiritual emptiness.

The Lust into Love Formula

1. First, you feel powerful sexual chemistry with someone or, in raw terms, lust.
2. Next, you act on those urges and have sex with that person.
3. Then you experience some guilt or discomfort having been so sexually intimate with someone you aren't that emotionally connected with.
4. Finally you create a relationship with that person to legitimize your lust.

Five Realities about Love

1. Love is not enough to make a relationship work -it needs compatibility and it needs commitment.
2. It just takes a moment to experience infatuation, but true love takes time.
3. It is possible to experience true love with more than one person -there are many potential partners you could be happy with.
4. The right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them.
5. Good sex has nothing to do with true love, but making love does.

Five Deadly Myths about Love

1. True love conquers all.
2. When it's really true love, you will know it the moment you meet theother person.
3. there is only one true love in the world who is right for you.
4. the perfect partner will fulfill you completely in every way.
5. when you experience powerful sexual chemistry with someone, it must be love.

Fatal flaws to watch out for in a partner:

1. Addictions.
2. Anger.
3. Victim consciousness.
4. Control freak
5. Sexual Dysfunction.
6. Hasn't grown up.
7. Emotionally unavailable.
8. Hasn't recovered from past relationships.
9. Emotional damage from childhood.

Here are seven compatibility time bombs that can destroy a relationship:

1. Significant age difference.
2. Different religious background.
3. Different social, ethnic, or educational background.
4. Toxic in-laws.
5. Toxic ex-spouse.
6. Toxic Stepchildren.
7. Long-distance relationships.

Six qualities to look for in a mate:

1. Commitment to personal growth.
2. Emotional openness
3. Integrity
4. Maturity and responsibility
5. High self-esteem.
6. Positive Attitude towards life

"TRUE LOVE cannot be found where it does not truly exist, nor cannot be hidden where it truly does."

Chalet · June 14th, 2006, 08:52 PM

I like this Mtlebay. Well written, nothing cutesy. Thank you.

I see people do this one too many times to count. I believe in time. There's no rush.

3. We make premature compromises.

Mel1973 · June 15th, 2006, 06:59 AM

That list just ruled out EVERYONE on the face of the planet. I'm pissed. iluvme - I've been seeing someone off and on and off and on for about a year and a half. We see each other, he pisses me off, I end it for a while. Then we'll run into each other and he'll "need to talk" to me. He has tried to change, he's tried different approaches, but in the end, I don't think it's worth it and I don't think it's going to work. Plus, for the past year and a half, I've avoided seeing anyone else because we have one of those stupid relationships where you just know, you're going to wind up with that person again. It's a fucked up way to be and right now, I'm not seeing him and hope to continue with that pattern because I now know he hasn't grown up and I think I may have created a relationship with him to legitimize my lust.

DeChayz · June 15th, 2006, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mel1973

That list just ruled out EVERYONE on the face of the planet. I'm pissed. iluvme - I've been seeing someone off and on and off and on for about a year and a half. We see each other, he pisses me off, I end it for a while. Then we'll run into each other and he'll "need to talk" to me. He has tried to change, he's tried different approaches, but in the end, I don't think it's worth it and I don't think it's going to work. Plus, for the past year and a half, I've avoided seeing anyone else because we have one of those stupid relationships where you just know, you're going to wind up with that person again. It's a fucked up way to be and right now, I'm not seeing him and hope to continue with that pattern because I now know he hasn't grown up and I think I may have created a relationship with him to legitimize my lust.

Mel, you just described my life. Except it's 3 years.

PrettyGirl · June 16th, 2006, 02:11 AM

I saw this before...in fact, my last boyfriend, the loser guy I had met online, I sent him this one:

Six qualities to look for in a mate:

1. Commitment to personal growth.
2. Emotional openness
3. Integrity
4. Maturity and responsibility
5. High self-esteem.
6. Positive Attitude towards life

At the bottom of this I wrote in big bold letters: YOU HAVE NONE OF THESE! He never responded...haha!