What is infidelity?

UndercoverGator · April 10th, 2006, 09:22 AM

How you define this? Several old friends and I have been talking about this lately in the wake of one of them leaving her husband and a couple others struggling with exactly where the line is. I'm curious to see if everyone here holds the line at the same strict place or not.

Is cyber sex really cheating? How about an office flirtation? A kiss from the opposite you're not attached to? Or is it less than that, has the line been crossed the second you start talking to someone else in an emotionally intimate way?

SVZ · April 10th, 2006, 09:23 AM

It's when I can't get the radio to hit the station I want

PrettyGirl · April 10th, 2006, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UndercoverGator

Or is it less than that, has the line been crossed the second you start talking to someone else in an emotionally intimate way?

I would say it's the last sentence you wrote above...and yes, I definitely consider any sort of cyber or internet flirtation as cheating. It's another form of communication like the telephone or letter-writing.

PaintTheTownRed · April 10th, 2006, 07:04 PM

Men need to keep their blinders on at all times and do what they're told!!

Just kidding

Or am I?

Aurora · April 11th, 2006, 05:20 PM

I agree w/ Prettygirl and KJ, if youre emotionally cheating, it probably wont long until youre physically cheating.

sweetrebel · April 12th, 2006, 03:18 PM

^^Agree 100%. It is hard enough when it is just a physical thing, but when they start to actually interact with this person...share their thoughts, dreams, wants, needs....it is hard to accept the fact that someone you love has shared that part of themselves that should be meant for you.
I have friends who think oral sex ISN'T cheating. That as long as there is no penetration, there is no infidelity...kissing-no big deal again. I, on the other hand, think that spending significant time with someone who is not your SO is cheating. Flat out plain and simple. You are having a relationship outside your marriage...and I don't mean friends-I mean just hanging out and talking to say someone you met at the market....or online....remember who was it that had a sister who was dealing with that-was it SammysMom?
Let me be clear here-I don't mean speaking to someone in passing. How are you and a head nod. I mean someone that you meet for drinks, coffee....someone you spend time with secretly....if it isn't a physical thing, it won't be long until it is....

mtlebay · April 12th, 2006, 03:23 PM

Infidelity is when you can't tell your S.O. what you did with the other person, without them being upset.

sweetrebel · April 13th, 2006, 09:44 AM

very well said. If you have to keep it from them you know it is wrong....

Mackenzie · May 23rd, 2006, 12:57 AM

Is it cheating if you are already separated? My sister's husband did this, they were having problems for years and agreed to a divorce, but it wasn't final. He started dating/sleeping with another woman and she tried to get him for cheating on her. I disagreed, but she is my sister. Our state is a no-fault one in divorces, so it didn't matter, but morally/ethically, etc., what are your thoughts?

olivia720 · May 23rd, 2006, 01:08 AM

Dr Phil said it's anything you wouldn't do with your spouse standing right there.

Grimmlok · May 23rd, 2006, 05:07 PM

Physical cheating : physical infidelity.

Cybercheating: emotional infidelity

Emotional affairs: ... duh

The first one is easy. The second and third are hazy.

A*O · May 23rd, 2006, 05:33 PM

Sharing your 'hopes and dreams and deepest thoughts' with someone other than your SO is called having a deep conversation and I fail to see how it could be construed as cheating. Being physically or emotionally attracted to someone via the Net or In Real Life only becomes cheating if you put those ideas into action.

pacific breeze · May 23rd, 2006, 06:01 PM

My husband has a close friend and work colleague and he shares things with her that he may not necessarily tell me. If I asked him, he would, but I am not threatened by his relationship with this woman. They've been friends for more than 20 years and I respect that.

I guess I'm a bit different from a lot of people because I don't HAVE to know every single thing about the man I love, nor do I expect him to know every detail of my life. But then again, I don't believe anybody truly knows another person, even if they've been together 60 years like my hubby's parents.

We have trust, love and respect for each other -- that's enough for me.

Beeyotch · May 24th, 2006, 03:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mtlebay

Infidelity is when you can't tell your S.O. what you did with the other person, without them being upset.

I just got married to a guy I'd been with for 10 years and I've had deep, emotional, friendly relationships with other guys who I've never been attracted to romantically, so it is possible to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex. But little things always pop up as red flags to signal trouble, and not being able to tell your SO of something genuinely platonic is one of them.

I've had friends who've been in a similar situation and it feels like they're in denial about things even I can see. The very married guy started off as a friend of my girl friend, but then it gave way to a deeper, romantic attraction for him and the girl didn't feel the same, but wouldn't acknowledge it and insisted on remaining close friends. In the case of my friends, I think it's because the girl liked the attention of feeling adored, even though the romantic attraction isn't there for her. So even though no actual physical infidelity happened, I think it was still wrong of him to get emotionally involved like that, and even worse of her not to stop it since the guy was married. The guy is now divorced and remarried to someone else.

Tiara · May 24th, 2006, 07:20 AM

Well if I found out my bf had been flirting with a girl, online, over the phone or in person, I'd be pissed and I'd make him stop but I wouldn't finish with him over it. Unless he kept doing it.

If he had an intimate kiss or slept with someone, he'd be out the door.