Break From Dating

PrettyGirl · April 1st, 2006, 07:34 PM

Okay, I've had it. I need an official break from dating. Do any of you ever feel that way? I had a broken engagement last year (my wonderful fiance cheated on me) and shortly thereafter hooked up with another guy I met online who was just a player--a professional online dater. That relationship lasted 6 months and as I posted before, I ended up pretty disappointed when that fell apart. This past month I've gone out on 5 dates. None are what I'm looking for and none of these guys interested me in the slightest. I'm thinking I need a break. After a hectic and very disastrous year, I think I need some time to focus on me. I'm not 'quitting' but just don't feel I'm up to this stupid game...men are ridiculous. They want a woman who's independent (but isn't threatening), smart (but not smarter than them), family oriented (but doesn't have a ton of kids), skinny (not larger than a size 4 or 6) and a woman who's a tiger in bed (but a virgin!)...I'm sick of the dating game. No one is for real and it's just so frustrating. What the *^*% do men want?!

I'm attractive (so I've been told), I'm young (35 yrs-old), no kids and I'm not fat. I wear a size 8 and yet men still want MORE. I date men in their 30's and they have all this baggage (divorces, kids, child support, etc..) and then I date men in their 40's who want to date a young chick but aren't too keen on starting over in the 'baby department'...in other words they don't want kids because theirs are already grown. I can't find what I want and maybe I'm just going through a bad period now. Have any of you felt this way, like it's just fruitless?

spinmonkey · April 1st, 2006, 07:48 PM

Sometimes the best comes along when you are fed up and not looking. I don't know how, but my man fell in love with me while I was eminated very strong anti-man vibes.

LynnieD · April 1st, 2006, 07:51 PM

^^I was going to say the exact same thing: When you least expect it, it will happen! So, maybe taking a step back and slowing it down in the dating department would be good....

He's out there....you'll find him!! Good luck!

suede · April 1st, 2006, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyGirl

I'm attractive (so I've been told), I'm young (35 yrs-old), no kids and I'm not fat. I wear a size 8 and yet men still want MORE. I date men in their 30's and they have all this baggage (divorces, kids, child support, etc..) and then I date men in their 40's who want to date a young chick but aren't too keen on starting over in the 'baby department'...in other words they don't want kids because theirs are already grown. I can't find what I want and maybe I'm just going through a bad period now. Have any of you felt this way, like it's just fruitless?

Yes, I have.

I didn't date for somewhere around 2 years and after the man hating just going to live for me phase came to its conclusion I was talked into a blind date (took two months to do) and he ended up being the guy for me.

Sometime you just need to take a step back.

Good Luck.

Aurora · April 3rd, 2006, 05:25 PM

I agree with everyone else.

I think everyone should be single for a while at least once in your life. I was single for 3 years, and I mean SINGLE no dates, nothin. And I always said "if Im supposed to have a boyfriend, he'll show up on my door step. My now bf showed up one day to fix a computer problem and we've been inseperable ever since.

Just enjoy making yourself happy!

Grimmlok · April 3rd, 2006, 05:56 PM

I'm on like a 3 year break. Dating is soul-sucking and generally an exhasperating waste of time for everyone involved. You get so jaded so quickly and it takes A LOT of energy.

If you're feeling worn out, then take a break. You don't need a man to make you happy, be happy by yourself and then when you are you can share that happiness when you feel it's time to get back in the game.

I have very little patience so I'll go out with like 3 guys a few times, and then i need to call it quits if they bore the fuck out of me. A lot of the time I'm happier just being on my own

NawdleZouss · April 3rd, 2006, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyGirl

They want a woman who's independent (but isn't threatening), smart (but not smarter than them), family oriented (but doesn't have a ton of kids), skinny (not larger than a size 4 or 6) and a woman who's a tiger in bed (but a virgin!)

Yep, sounds about right. Luckily, there are a few men out there who don't play games and pull shit like this; and like the other posters have said, they're bound to show up sometime, usually when you least expect it.

Don't try to understand these types anymore than you'd try to understand the emotionally immature, mind-game-playing women people complain about all the time. They, like most of the human race, aren't worth your time. Have fun with the other people if you want, but don't expect them to be anything other that what you've described above, and sometime, someone who is worth it will come around.

Lobelia · April 3rd, 2006, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grimmlok

Dating is soul-sucking and generally an exhasperating waste of time for everyone involved. You get so jaded so quickly and it takes A LOT of energy.

Haha, substitute the word "marriage" for the word "dating" and it's STILL TRUE!!!

spinmonkey · April 4th, 2006, 01:52 AM

^^^ too funny!

I also forgot to mention my hubby was a blind date that I had to be tricked into going on (I wasn't told until I was actually in the moving car

I literally told this guy I couldn't stand him, that he was an asshole and I wanted nothing to do with him. Basically a total bitch. I was going through a lot of family issues at the time and felt like I hated everyone around me, so I withdrew from all people. He got his mother....that's right, his MOTHER to drive him to my house, and although I am ashamed to say I was very rude to him in order to get him away from me, I guess I am glad he was so stupid or stubborn to not let up because he is truly my other half. Things work in mysterious ways for sure, and I also hear many blind date stories turning out to be the charm, which sort of goes against the norm if you think about it.

Barbara · April 4th, 2006, 02:49 AM

Men suck anyway

PrettyGirl, my sis is 37, she had a rough time in the past few years trying to find the right guy, then at the beginning of 2005 when she was getting fed up with the whole game she met her now fiancé and they're getting married at the end of the year.

PrettyGirl · April 4th, 2006, 02:54 PM

Oh believe me, I don't need a man to make me happy. I'm pretty independent and self-reliant...and I think that's what intimidates men--a woman who has a home, a career, some intelligence and can hold her own--men get scared. Do I have to act like some dumb-witted blonde? It's crazy!

Are there a lot of men? Sure. And I have tons of friends who are hooked up with LOSERS: womanizers, cheaters, lazy bums, druggies, alcoholics, etc...when you are desperate for a man, believe me, you can hook up fast. Give it up the first night and hey, you'll have men galore. That, however, isn't me. I want more. I'm looking for substance.

I think it's pretty much a given rule that when you KNOW what you want and you keep your standards high, it's going to be harder to find someone. It's sad, but true. My patience with a lot of jerks lately is running low--that I admit. Maybe I'll get back 'out there' when my batteries are re-charged. In the meantime, summer is coming and I'm hitting the gym, taking up some hobbies and getting back into reading. Needless dating can wait.

CherryDarling · April 6th, 2006, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyGirl

After a hectic and very disastrous year, I think I need some time to focus on me. I'm not 'quitting' but just don't feel I'm up to this stupid game...men are ridiculous. They want a woman who's independent (but isn't threatening), smart (but not smarter than them), family oriented (but doesn't have a ton of kids), skinny (not larger than a size 4 or 6) and a woman who's a tiger in bed (but a virgin!)...I'm sick of the dating game. No one is for real and it's just so frustrating. What the *^*% do men want?!
Have any of you felt this way, like it's just fruitless?

Yes, yes and YES! PrettyGirl, I totally understand what you're saying here...my ex broke up with me over a year ago and I'm just now cleaning up the disaster from my breakup with him. I'm trying very hard to work on myself and my goal right now is to be happy with ME and then I know eventually, when the time is right, "the one" will come.

You are right on the money with the whole "what men want" thing...when the ex and I first started dating, I was about a size 6, as our relationship progressed (and I got on the bloody b/c pill) which resulted in instant weight gain = our relationship began to fizzle (that wasn't the only component and altho he'd never admit it, I know it had something to do with his lack of interest in me toward the end). Men really suck.

Anywho, I'm with ya...I've got my standards up WAY high and I refuse to settle. It's my time now to work on ME--I'm working on getting over someone I loved and trying to focus on myself again. Progress will be made...and I know if I can do it, you definitely can!

Take care sweetie.

PrettyGirl · April 6th, 2006, 01:01 AM

Prnjcq7,

Oh yeah, men are RIDICULOUS about weight. I wear a size 8--I'm not fat, okay? I weigh 140 lbs and I'm 5'4", but some men still think that's too heavy. They want a size 2 woman who weighs no more than 110 lbs. I read all these articles about celebrities who are making women starve themselves--no way, it's not the celebrities, I think it's men! These celebrities are starving themselves to be thin according to the male standard...men in public, directors, producers, their male co-stars, etc...it's really unfair. So, I can totally relate to what you're saying about your ex treating you differently when you gained some weight. Men can be really shallow.

Girl, we need to go to a man-bashing board now...haha!! Just kidding. My co-worker told me the other day to go to the ivillage.com website. She says there are a lot of good topics there from other women dealing with all kinds of issues, not just dating (she's in her 40's and divorced, but feeling very lonely, poor thing). I don't feel lonely (thank God)...at least not yet. I feel angry. It shouldn't be this difficult to find a good man. It's disgusting what society has to offer...where oh where have the good men gone? lol!!

UndercoverGator · April 9th, 2006, 04:12 PM

While I think it's a great thing to take care of yourself and work on yourself, not worrying about if you do or don't have a boyfriend I have to say I take exception with some of the wholesale blanket statements you've made concerning men and dating. Of course, feel free to reject my advice as I've been married to the same guy for twenty years this June.

Being all about your self, loving yourself and doing the improvement things and having standards is the only sane way to be a single woman I believe. When I was single I was definately the happiest in those times, when I didn't give a rats ass if I had a man or not because I was concentrating on me and my life, my career, my education. I would even venture to say some of the best sex I ever had involved myself and various accoutriments, not some guy I just picked up in a bar.

Men aren't the be all and end all of a well rounded life, they are just one tiny piece of the puzzle.

I met my husband when I had discovered the things I'm telling you, when I was completely relaxed about who I was and where I was going.

And I wasn't a size 8 either. Size isn't that important, except to a handful of very shallow men. I still think it's not that important, seeing first hand what a bunch of my unmarried girlfriends who have troubles with guys go through I would say the most important thing is attracting men, the right kind of guys, is not being a size 8, it's how you project yourself, your confidence level, your self respect, if you come across as someone who enjoys life and loves themself and others. No man wants an uptight bitch that screams desperation in every line of her body.

Love yourself and treat a man as an accessory.

PrettyGirl · April 9th, 2006, 06:30 PM

Oh I agree 100%. And I'm comfortable the size I am, what ticks me off are the shallow men out there who make it an issue and you think what jerks. I'm 36 yrs-old, I've been engaged once, but 2 other men asked me to marry them in my 20's. I held out for the right man...desperation? No way. I own my home, I've been at my job 16 yrs and I think I look pretty damn good. Confidence I have in abundance, probably too much...lol!

My friends tell me that the men I've dated probably sense how driven I am and they feel threatened. So be it. Like you said, someone out there will appreciate it and it's probably going to be someone like me.

I've loved and been loved. I've had great sex in my lifetime. I've had a great life and I have a good family. Children one day is something I want one day, but don't believe it's out of my reach..I still have a few years left, I don't feel worried. Ask me when I'm 38 or 39 though...maybe then I would (who knows?) but right now I don't. There are times you do need to recharge your batteries and I'm doing just that.

Thanks for the advice I agree wholeheartedly.