Getting personal

[Sharlott]

I'm going to get a little personal here for a moment. I have a problem with sex. In more recent past relationships I haven't been able to relate sex to anything positive which has made me extremely nervous anytime I get close to having sex with my current man. He knows about the problem and has been extrememely supportive and willing to work it out. We've been trying different things to get my comfort level up. I just want to know if anyone has been through this or has any good suggestions. I've thought about going to therapy but I can't help but think this is something I can get over. It's all in my head. Relax it's just sex! Right? I want to be able to experience intimacy without "freaking out" for lack of a better phrase. And no it has nothing to do with my man. I am head over heals in love with him, I am sexually attracted to him, and I'm all fine and dandy right up to the point where the clothes start coming off. We have had sex. And when we do it's amazing. But it's usually when I've had a drink or something. (just one) When I am able to completely relax. Anyway, any feed back would be great!

[sweetrebel]

If I understand, it is because of some abuse or traumatic experience with an ex, right?
I was molested as a child, and although I didn't have problems with the act of sex itself (after I was grown) there were certain parts of the foreplay that I had a problem with-basically, I could not touch a man's penis. And if they treid to 'guide' my hand, it wasn't unusual for me to freak...I finally learned to just keep telling myself that the person I was with was not the person who hurt me. This person cares about me and would never hurt me or force me to do something that I do not want to do.
Try doing that Sharlott, and see if it helps...I guess it really depends on what happened with your past relationship. I know there are some people who are so traumatized that they are NEVER intimate. At least you know that you can have a nice sexual realtionship/experience. You are lucky to have a man who understands and is willing to help you. Make sure you tell him that on a regular basis-he will appreciate your appreciation.
If you ever want to talk more in depth, just PM me, I would be glad to listen and see if I could help.

[Sharlott]

Originally Posted by sweetrebel

If I understand, it is because of some abuse or traumatic experience with an ex, right?
I was molested as a child, and although I didn't have problems with the act of sex itself (after I was grown) there were certain parts of the foreplay that I had a problem with-basically, I could not touch a man's penis. And if they treid to 'guide' my hand, it wasn't unusual for me to freak...I finally learned to just keep telling myself that the person I was with was not the person who hurt me. This person cares about me and would never hurt me or force me to do something that I do not want to do.
Try doing that Sharlott, and see if it helps...I guess it really depends on what happened with your past relationship. I know there are some people who are so traumatized that they are NEVER intimate. At least you know that you can have a nice sexual realtionship/experience. You are lucky to have a man who understands and is willing to help you. Make sure you tell him that on a regular basis-he will appreciate your appreciation.
If you ever want to talk more in depth, just PM me, I would be glad to listen and see if I could help.

It does relate to a few of my exes who were kind of forceful. And it also does relate to a tramatic experience when I was a child. I was molested by my babysitter. (male babysitter). So I guess it all attributes to my problem. But that does sound like a good idea. And I am very lucky. I tell him that every day! Thank you so much!

[LynnieD]

Sharlott, I'm really sorry that you've had such experiences in the past. It's great that you recognize that you are having an issue now, and are attempting to overcome it.
My advice: Even if you don't think you really NEED counseling/therapy, it would more than likely be a very good thing for you, regardless of the reason you seek it. You are not weak, or a weirdo. You deserve better, and perhaps going to counseling would help you achieve that.....

Best of luck. This cannot be an easy situation to deal with, in many different ways. Take Sweetrebel up on her offer--it would more than likely help to speak/email someone who has been in a similar situation. *BIG HUG*

[chatterweb]

Do not fret, everybody is different. Take care.