Being interrupted while speaking

suede · July 7th, 2007, 12:50 AM

This has been driving me for a while now...

Do you have friends or family that will ask you a question like "how is your spouse?" and mid sentence they will interrupt you to talk about themselves? Then when they have finished speaking they do not apologize for cutting you off and ask you to continue but instead they continue to carry on as if nothing happened and then do it again.

My mother did this to me in my early 20's, she would call me numerous times a day, ask me how I was and the BAM she'd interrupt me to kvetch about something she wanted to talk about. After a while I was so frustrated even after explaining in great detail to her what she was doing and how it was driving me she just couldn't stop herself. So I stopped picking up the phone when she called and after a few years I stopped calling and picking up the phone (which you know start a whole new hill of issues).

Now a very good friend of mine has started to do this, granted since she married and had two children we hadn't seen much of each other but as of late we've been doing a small project together the past 5 weeks and every time we're together she does this and when I start a conversation that's not a response to something she has asked her answer is always "oh yah" (she doesn't listen to anything I say unless it relates to her - sometimes I just stop talking mid sentence and she won't even take notice).

And to put me totally over the edge - my boyfriend's mother does this to me ALL THE TIME as well and she knows she does it but I've been swallowing because I keep telling myself she's just lonely and wants some one to talk to. (talk at rather)

I don't know what to do anymore it's really pissing me off and frankly I just can not take it anymore. I just want to get up and walk away every time I get interrupted.

If someone just wants to talk about themselves and their issues why even ask me how I am or what I'm up to if you have no intention of listening?

WTF?

What would you say to these people?

pacific breeze · July 7th, 2007, 01:57 AM

You've had your turn to talk, now it's my turn! I have a friend who does something similar and one day I just told her it was my turn to vent, and her turn to listen, and she's never interrupted me since.

I've been guilty of doing it myself, but when it was pointed out to me, I stopped doing it. It's rude. In my case tho, it was just because I was so excited and eager to get my thoughts out I didn't think about what I was doing. But it was still inconsiderate.

kingcap72 · July 7th, 2007, 02:24 AM

Yeah, I hate that crap. My response usually depends on the mood I'm in. If I'm in a good mood or just tired, I tend to let it slide.

But if I'm angry or annoyed, then I just cut them off and continue what I was saying. And if they get mad, screw 'em.

McJag · July 7th, 2007, 03:00 AM

Good god. Let's not be so judgmental-or control freaky. Lighten up a bit. Sometimes people do start to say something at the same time-anyway this seems like a pretty minor human offense to get so out of shape over IMO. The treatment you gave your Mother is harsh & one you might one day regret. I see trouble brewing with your boyfriends Mom if you don't just accept her as she is. Your Mom might have been lonely too.Maybe they just need someone to listen.
This isn't the worst thing that can happen to you-just a minor annoyance so back off a bit and stop trying to make it a hanging offense! IMO!

Eli · July 7th, 2007, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by McJag

Good god. Let's not be so judg

I HATE PEOPLE WHO INTERRUPT! OVER-ZEALOUS BASTARDS!

suede · July 7th, 2007, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by McJag

Good god. Let's not be so judgmental-or control freaky. Lighten up a bit. Sometimes people do start to say something at the same time-anyway this seems like a pretty minor human offense to get so out of shape over IMO. The treatment you gave your Mother is harsh & one you might one day regret. I see trouble brewing with your boyfriends Mom if you don't just accept her as she is. Your Mom might have been lonely too.Maybe they just need someone to listen.
This isn't the worst thing that can happen to you-just a minor annoyance so back off a bit and stop trying to make it a hanging offense! IMO!

WAIT - I'm a control freak because I want to finish a sentence?

If I asked you how you were and interrupted you mid sentence, then asked you how work was and interrupted you mid sentence, then you ask me about my husband and I interrupt you mid sentence you would not be the slightest bit annoyed?

Sorry - I find that hard to believe.

Clearly you've never been interrupted by multiple people on a daily basis and I don't mean the sort of interruption that pacific breeze mentioned where you are so excited to say something that you interrupt someone.

Imagine every sentence you started interrupted - I can only assume that they don't see it as a problem because I'm polite and let them do it over and over and over while I'm fuming with a smile plastered on my face.

My mother - HAHAHA you don't know anything about her or my childhood so passing a judgment like that is funny to me.

I actually get along very with my boyfriends mother - she adores me - oddly enough I'm the only one that lets her talk.

I find it offensive - period - but I'm too nice to say anything.

^ that was what I was asking opinions on.

suede · July 7th, 2007, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pacific breeze

You've had your turn to talk, now it's my turn! I have a friend who does something similar and one day I just told her it was my turn to vent, and her turn to listen, and she's never interrupted me since.

I've been guilty of doing it myself, but when it was pointed out to me, I stopped doing it. It's rude. In my case tho, it was just because I was so excited and eager to get my thoughts out I didn't think about what I was doing. But it was still inconsiderate.

Really, that worked?

I have to say something then ...

What if I just said - "have you ever noticed that whenever I start speaking you interrupt me and I never get to finish what I was saying"(she'll probably interrupt me again or not listen anyway - GAH)

I've done the overly excited thing - in a work environment while collaborating on something an idea will have popped into my head and boom it was blurted out (and then I felt like a total a$$ on more than one occasion). A notebook, a sucker candy and a pencil helped stop that - that and feeling stupid when every turns to look at you

No one is perfect - but the same negative behavior on a daily basis isn't an oops - it's habit.

suede · July 7th, 2007, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allie

I HATE PEOPLE WHO INTERRUPT! OVER-ZEALOUS BASTARDS!

Thank God, I'm not alone.

Picara · July 7th, 2007, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by suede

WAIT - I'm a control freak because I want to finish a sentence?

If I asked you how you were and interrupted you mid sentence, then asked you how work was and interrupted you mid sentence, then you ask me about my husband and I interrupt you mid sentence you would not be the slightest bit annoyed?

Sorry - I find that hard to believe.

Clearly you've never been interrupted by multiple people on a daily basis and I don't mean the sort of interruption that pacific breeze mentioned where you are so excited to say something that you interrupt someone.

Imagine every sentence you started interrupted - I can only assume that they don't see it as a problem because I'm polite and let them do it over and over and over while I'm fuming with a smile plastered on my face.

My mother - HAHAHA you don't know anything about her or my childhood so passing a judgment like that is funny to me.

I actually get along very with my boyfriends mother - she adores me - oddly enough I'm the only one that lets her talk.

I find it offensive - period - but I'm too nice to say anything.

^ that was what I was asking opinions on.

I find it uber annoying. Also I think it's a huge detriment for the interrupters. Example: I hired a woman to do turn-outs for me during the week. This is her business. I would try to discuss things with her that were pertinent to the job, but could never get a word in edgewise. She seemed compelled to talk over me. It was exhausting trying to communicate with this stupid woman. I let her go and went to someone else. She's lost so much business due to her obnoxiousness.

If she had been my relative, I definitely would have said something to her. I think you're completely justified to be annoyed suede. Interrupting shows inconsideration, imo.

HWBL · July 7th, 2007, 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by suede

This has been driving me for a while now...

Do you have friends or family that will ask you a question like "how is your spouse?" and mid sentence they will interrupt you to talk about themselves? Then when they have finished speaking they do not apologize for cutting you off and ask you to continue but instead they continue to carry on as if nothing happened and then do it again.

What would you say to these people?

Yes, I know people like that, most of them at work. Earlier, I used to be so polite (and perhaps so stupid) to let them interrupt and wait until they'd finished whatever they wanted to say. Then I had a time when I would let them talk and then after they were finished, would take off where I was interrupted with the words "To continue where I was cut off..." or "To return to what I was saying before you interrupted....". Then I also had a way where I would keep saying the words that they interrupted me on, so when I was for instance saying "...so, when we got there (and that would be the point where they would suddenly interrupt, I would just insistantly repeat so, when we got there, when we got there, when - we - got - there... WHEN - WE - GOT - THERE....)".

And now I usually just continue my story right through their interruption, and if they don't get that message I will emphasize it by, after I'm done talking, asking "Now, did you say something while I was talking?".
If people aren't really interested in what you have to say, or in what you have done, they should not ask you about it in the first place!

pacific breeze · July 7th, 2007, 01:11 PM

I think it's a matter of degree, Suede. Most of my friends and I have a pretty honest relationship where we say what we think, which is a bit different from a family situation where habits are ingrained and then sometimes passed on, even if we don't realize it, and emotions run high. I notice that if I tell my mother that I don't feel well, she immediately launches into a monologue about how SHE has the flu etc. even if she never mentioned it when we first got on the phone! It's irritating but I know she won't change, so I let it go.

But at least she doesn't interrupt me all the time. I don't mind being interrupted occasionally -- maybe it's the profession I'm in where journalists are always shouting over one another to be heard. But if it happened constantly with a particular person, I'd be offended. I do think simply telling SOME people that you need to talk and be listened to without interruption works, but it depends on the relationship you have with them.

Grimmlok · July 7th, 2007, 01:14 PM

I just slap them down and say "I wasn't finished what I was saying, wait your turn."

Then i eyeball them for a beat or 2 just to make sure they shut up (and to make sure everyone around me sees how rude they were) then i continue.

Honey · July 7th, 2007, 01:19 PM

I hate it too.

I usually talk Louder so they shut up and I can finish what I am saying

effie2 · July 7th, 2007, 01:21 PM

Eyeballing is VERY effective,also turning your back and leave on the spot..

McJag · July 7th, 2007, 01:29 PM

Hey-you didn't say only post if in agreement! Afer 23 years in the Corporate world I can assure you I had my share. I'd rather that than a back stabber any day. Instead of sitting there with a fake smile-say something! Even if you have to raise your hand first to make your point-people can't mind read. Stop smiling-they are taking that as an OK. Speak up.