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Thread: Worst Literary Sex Scene Ever?

  1. #16
    Elite Member Just Kill Me's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    sucking on a blow pop and playing with electrodes


    Nor should they gallop!

    Come on, let's have lots of drinks.

    Fuck you all, I'm going viral.

  2. #17
    Bronze Member
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    Jul 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by A*O View Post
    There used to be a literary Bad Sex award in the UK. Not sure if it still exists.
    Still exists - Literary Review - Britain's best loved literary magazine

  3. #18
    Elite Member Kittylady's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    Somewhere been 'General Confusion' and 'Total WTF?'


    Quote Originally Posted by twitchy2.0 View Post
    Aw crap

    March 15, 2012
    4:58 pm
    I’m not sure who you people are, but before you mock something, make sure you know what you’re talking about. That “exceprt” that was presumably taken from my book is in fact NOT an excerpt. Check page 222 of ROUGH AND READY and you will see that someone is having fun with you, putting in their own purple prose. I don’t mind constructive criticism, but this borders on libel. If you really care about accuracy, email me, and I” send you a copy of the correct paragraphs.

    • I don't want it now.
    Me neither. Although perhaps this might stop the Bloke shouting "I want to enter you like a lottery!" every ten minutes and then falling over laughing.

    Quote Originally Posted by rockchick View Post
    what is a "clunge" and should I have one?
    Clunge = vajayjay, meat market, quim, flange, chuff, minge etc.
    I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. Hunter S Thompson

    How big would a T-Rex wang be?! - Karistiona

  4. #19
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006


    Quote Originally Posted by Kittylady View Post
    I cried with laughter and disbelief reading this.

    "Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower’s water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet.
    Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which is seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway.
    Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda’s rich chest.
    As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.
    “Hilda,” Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda’s warm thighs. “There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.”
    Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.
    “Torolf,” Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. “I need you.”
    Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently.
    Hilda looked at him expectantly.
    “Oh, sorry,” she added. “Torolf, I need you – sexually.”
    At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf’s undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge.
    Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.
    Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands
    . Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.
    Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson’s. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms!
    The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room.
    Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop.
    She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. “Torolf,” she said softly, “there’s something I have to tell you…”
    But her bed was empty.
    Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs."

    filaments (iheartuniversecookies: angelas-extrasandstuff: ...)
    ermagerd! I've highlighted my favorite parts. I mean... WOW.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    twitchy molests my signature!

  5. #20
    Elite Member Sleuth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Vegemite Land


    Hahahaa we have these books at the library I work at. I shall be sneaking a peak next time I shelve so I can read more about his throbbing meat wand.
    Alicia Silverstone: "I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."

  6. #21
    Super Moderator Tati's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Your Pocket


    Quote Originally Posted by Just Kill Me View Post
    Nor should they gallop!
    Or undulate!
    If you reveal your secrets to the wind you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.

    - Kahlil Gibran

  7. #22
    Elite Member Slushie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011


    twitchy2.0 likes this.

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