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Thread: Texts from last night

  1. #46
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    (571): shaved balls and baby powder=awesome


    for Jayla
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  2. #47
    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
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    (704): I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"

    (803): I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?

    (614): youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?

    (516): why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?

    (609): ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.

    (305): He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.

    (718): so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood

    (505): I thought you said his peep was too small
    (1-505): it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.

    (360): i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.

    (320): If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?

    (302): I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
    (312): omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
    (815): Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.

    (732): ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision

    (281): ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
    (214): Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.

    (614): god. i hate danny gokey.
    (1-614): Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
    (614): he's mormon right? lame.

    (408): carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
    (415): be there in 3 mins

    (818): i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
    (818): and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top

    (864): you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.

    (206): I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
    (253): Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.

    (314): Most awkward sex ever...
    (314): And im texting you in the middle.

    (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

  3. #48
    Elite Member Lobelia's Avatar
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    Omg, why have we not known about this site before?
    "I've cautiously embraced jeggings"
    Emma Peel aka Pacific Breeze aka Wilde1 aka gogodancer aka maribou

    Yip, yip, yip in your tiny indignation. Bark furiously on, lady dog.

  4. #49
    Elite Member NicoleWasHere's Avatar
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    (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

    I'm dying over here!!

  5. #50
    Elite Member HelpMeRhonda's Avatar
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    (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
    (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
    -------------------
    (814): Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
    (1-814): I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
    -------------------------------------
    (843): Nice meating you last night
    (843): Not a typo
    --------------------------------
    (831): yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
    'High, High. Yaw Both High and Smokin' Weeeed in Front of My Howse"
    Bah-Brahhh-Teen Mom

  6. #51
    Hit By Ban Bus!
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    (416): Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!

  7. #52
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobelia View Post
    Sketch?

    Apparently there are many definitions:

    Urban Dictionary: sketch
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  8. #53
    Elite Member Penny Lane's Avatar
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    My goal is to get one of my texts on this site. It will happen.. oh yes, it will happen.

  9. #54
    Elite Member HelpMeRhonda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Penny Lane View Post
    My goal is to get one of my texts on this site. It will happen.. oh yes, it will happen.
    LOL- I've sent some too. Of course YOU gotta tell us when one is on there..then we can try to figure it out.
    'High, High. Yaw Both High and Smokin' Weeeed in Front of My Howse"
    Bah-Brahhh-Teen Mom

  10. #55
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Penny Lane View Post
    My goal is to get one of my texts on this site. It will happen.. oh yes, it will happen.

    So I decided to run through my own texts to see if anything popped out, and I ran across these.

    (AuntT) going to funeral, millie's grandma passed
    (greys) she was still alive?!
    (AuntT) not really
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  11. #56
    Elite Member HelpMeRhonda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greysfang View Post
    So I decided to run through my own texts to see if anything popped out, and I ran across these.

    (AuntT) going to funeral, millie's grandma passed
    (greys) she was still alive?!
    (AuntT) not really
    LOL! Send that in!

    (216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
    (1-216): damn...impressive bar tab
    (216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
    'High, High. Yaw Both High and Smokin' Weeeed in Front of My Howse"
    Bah-Brahhh-Teen Mom

  12. #57
    Elite Member LynnieD's Avatar
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    HOLY SHIT this is hilarious!!!!!!!

  13. #58
    Elite Member Penny Lane's Avatar
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    I went through my texts too... lol..

    Me: Dude, my male professor's nipples are distracting me.
    Friend: That has to be the most random text in the history of text messaging.
    Me: They're like eyes staring at me..
    Friend: Ok.. second most random text in the history of texting.

  14. #59
    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
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    (614): She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?

    (620): my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
    (785): you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?

    (813): you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?

    (408): the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW

    (770): Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
    (404): Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
    (770): Fuck. Wron person. But yea

    (512): I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.

    (845): I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk

    (212): I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
    (630): I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth

    (907): I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.

    (770): she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.

    (612): I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?



    (706): So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
    (404): I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
    (706): Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.

    (248): Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!

    (859): I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush

    (248): I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.

    (510): I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
    (1-510): It was probably Jesus.
    (510): I feel like he would have left a message.
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

  15. #60
    Elite Member FierceKiten's Avatar
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    (512): I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
    (248): Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!

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