Texts from last night - Page 4

shedevilang · May 13th, 2009, 02:14 PM

(571): shaved balls and baby powder=awesome

for Jayla

sparkly · May 13th, 2009, 06:54 PM

(704): I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"

(803): I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?

(614): youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?

(516): why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?

(609): ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.

(305): He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.

(718): so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood

(505): I thought you said his peep was too small
(1-505): it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.

(360): i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.

(320): If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?

(302): I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
(312): omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
(815): Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.

(732): ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision

(281): ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
(214): Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.

(614): god. i hate danny gokey.
(1-614): Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
(614): he's mormon right? lame.

(408): carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
(415): be there in 3 mins

(818): i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
(818): and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top

(864): you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.

(206): I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
(253): Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.

(314): Most awkward sex ever...
(314): And im texting you in the middle.

(619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

Lobelia · May 13th, 2009, 07:04 PM

Omg, why have we not known about this site before?

NicoleWasHere · May 14th, 2009, 01:23 AM

(619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

I'm dying over here!!

HelpMeRhonda · May 14th, 2009, 11:42 AM

(570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
(1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
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(814): Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
(1-814): I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
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(843): Nice meating you last night
(843): Not a typo
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(831): yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd

Sasha · May 14th, 2009, 12:16 PM

(416): Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!

greysfang · May 14th, 2009, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lobelia

Sketch?

Apparently there are many definitions:

Urban Dictionary: sketch

Penny Lane · May 14th, 2009, 02:16 PM

My goal is to get one of my texts on this site. It will happen.. oh yes, it will happen.

HelpMeRhonda · May 14th, 2009, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Penny Lane

My goal is to get one of my texts on this site. It will happen.. oh yes, it will happen.

LOL- I've sent some too.

Of course YOU gotta tell us when one is on there..then we can try to figure it out.

greysfang · May 14th, 2009, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Penny Lane

My goal is to get one of my texts on this site. It will happen.. oh yes, it will happen.

So I decided to run through my own texts to see if anything popped out, and I ran across these.

(AuntT) going to funeral, millie's grandma passed
(greys) she was still alive?!
(AuntT) not really

HelpMeRhonda · May 14th, 2009, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greysfang

So I decided to run through my own texts to see if anything popped out, and I ran across these.

(AuntT) going to funeral, millie's grandma passed
(greys) she was still alive?!
(AuntT) not really

LOL! Send that in!

(216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
(1-216): damn...impressive bar tab
(216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer

LynnieD · May 14th, 2009, 03:45 PM

HOLY SHIT this is hilarious!!!!!!!

Penny Lane · May 14th, 2009, 03:55 PM

I went through my texts too... lol..

Me: Dude, my male professor's nipples are distracting me.
Friend: That has to be the most random text in the history of text messaging.
Me: They're like eyes staring at me..
Friend: Ok.. second most random text in the history of texting.

sparkly · May 16th, 2009, 01:23 AM

(614): She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?

(620): my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
(785): you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?

(813): you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?

(408): the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW

(770): Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
(404): Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
(770): Fuck. Wron person. But yea

(512): I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.

(845): I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk

(212): I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
(630): I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth

(907): I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.

(770): she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.

(612): I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?

(706): So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
(404): I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
(706): Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.

(248): Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!

(859): I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush

(248): I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.

(510): I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
(1-510): It was probably Jesus.
(510): I feel like he would have left a message.