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Thread: Texts from last night

  1. #316
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  2. #317
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    TFLN

    (413): She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list http://tfl.nu/webby
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  3. #318
    Elite Member Just Kill Me's Avatar
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    Here's one I got last Thursday morning:

    Im so fucked. At friends, borrowed car, unfamiliar, left headlights on, battery dead. Cant even open the doors.

    Me: Call AAA or your wife.

    Im at XXXXXX lofts. Wife is not helpful in this regard. I just want a hot bath and cigarettes.

    Then at 3:39 Saturday morning:

    Fucking hell, isnt there any place to raise hell right now?

    I gotta get out of this toxic place.

    Turns out he eventually passed out dreaming of pie and woke up with a case of whiskey flu.
    KILLING ME WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GOD DAMNED HONEY!!!!!!!!!!

    Come on, let's have lots of drinks.

    Fuck you all, I'm going viral.

  4. #319
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  5. #320

  6. #321
    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    (989): dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away Texts From Last Night
    ___

    (662): Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.

    (1-662): I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother. Texts From Last Night
    ____

    (310): So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes

    ___________

    (831): No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
    _____

    (614): Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.

    (904): FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
    _____

    (813): We shouldn"t be alone together

    (606): you didn"t say that yesterday

    (813): you weren't married yesterday
    If i hear one more personal attack, i will type while drunk, then you can cry! - Bugdoll
    (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she doesn't seem to have the depth or warmth
    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    (Replying to MontanaMama) This is some of the smartest shit I ever read

  7. #322
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  8. #323
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    (253):

    Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    (310):

    thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
    (1-310):

    you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    (701):

    Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    (305):

    We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    (248):

    She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    (614):

    Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    (631):

    Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    (228):

    She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    (402):

    I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    (952):

    my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    (336):

    Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.


    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  9. #324
    Elite Member Beeyotch's Avatar
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    "Eleven in the afternoon"? They're BOTH morons!

    And this one: "She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot." Made me lol, it's computer nerd love!

  10. #325
    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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  11. #326
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    TFLN

    (334): God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  12. #327
    Elite Member Karistiona's Avatar
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    (978) i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf

    (608) you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"

    (561): Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
    (561): But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville

    (919):My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.

    (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
    (917): Those had pot in them
    (917): And good luck on your interview asshole

    (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

    (920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

    Ahahahaha!
    I smile because I have no idea what's going on

  13. #328
    Elite Member msdeb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karistiona View Post

    (920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
    MsChiff likes this.
    Basic rule of Gossip Rocks: Don't be a dick.Tati
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  14. #329
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karistiona View Post
    (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
    (917): Those had pot in them
    (917): And good luck on your interview asshole

    This so sounds like Grimm with all his roommate drama.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  15. #330
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Found a great one on twitter:

    TFLN

    (417): Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

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