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Thread: Texts from last night

  1. #16
    Elite Member nancydrew's Avatar
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    (281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
    (1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that


    (202): therell be strippers and coke right?
    (703): no strippers. just coke.
    (202): i hate this fuckin recession


    My fave so far.
    (276): Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
    OK, I can't sing, I can't act, I'm dumb, I'm a hillbilly, but I can twerk, so whatever.-Miley Cyrus

  2. #17
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    some of these people sound like they'd be hilarious to hang out with.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  3. #18
    Elite Member FierceKiten's Avatar
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    Too fricken funny!!

  4. #19
    Elite Member january's Avatar
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    Oh man I just about bust a gut laughing at these, I had to share it on Facebook. These are hilarious!!!
    Women ain't gonna let a thing like sense fuck up their argument. - Chris Rock

  5. #20
    Elite Member Penny Lane's Avatar
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    Yea, these are pretty funny... I think we're all guilty of sending out texts whilst under the influence and then looking at your sent messages the next day like "WTF?!"

  6. #21
    Elite Member Penny Lane's Avatar
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    "(305): Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that."

    "(201): now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone"

    "(978): Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you."

    "(651): Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward."

    "(239): I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby..."

    "(909): grandma shit on top of the toilet"

    "(507): I want your puppy
    (507): I meant pussy
    (612): I would rather you take my puppy"

    "(619): dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face"

    "(425): Hi
    (805): Babe...You're really smothering me right now"

    "(313): so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal..."

    "(651): dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression."

    "(269): Pants 0. Shit 1."

    "(917): I think I just saw someone hide a body."

    I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying.

  7. #22
    Elite Member nancydrew's Avatar
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    This is for Grimm:

    (513): I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
    (276): Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
    OK, I can't sing, I can't act, I'm dumb, I'm a hillbilly, but I can twerk, so whatever.-Miley Cyrus

  8. #23
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    hahahahaha
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  9. #24
    Elite Member msdeb's Avatar
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    (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

    for Jayla!!!
    Basic rule of Gossip Rocks: Don't be a dick.Tati
    Lighten Up Francis WCG

  10. #25
    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
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    850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
    (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
    These sound like my kind of people.


    (305): Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.


    (818): Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
    (714): Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
    (818): Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it

    (517): he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
    (231): better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.


    (405): Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her


    (401): dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
    (616): Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
    (401): wait... oh

    (401): The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance


    (831): Hey, what are you up to?
    (802): Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
    (802): Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.


    (513): K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
    Last edited by sparkly; May 12th, 2009 at 02:46 AM.
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

  11. #26
    Elite Member Penny Lane's Avatar
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    I freaking love this site!

    (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

    (321): Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.

    (302): Who goes to Church hungover
    (717): Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk

    (209): dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
    (1-209): nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

    (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina.
    (978): Prove it.

    (650): one two three fourrrrnication!

    (818): people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.

    (805): she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu

    (917): I cockslap morals

    (631): all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.

    (925): im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy

    This is funny for personal reasons... LOL..

    (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  12. #27
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    (704): so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  13. #28
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    (918): Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  14. #29
    Elite Member HelpMeRhonda's Avatar
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    "(805): Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
    (1-805): Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info."
    'High, High. Yaw Both High and Smokin' Weeeed in Front of My Howse"
    Bah-Brahhh-Teen Mom

  15. #30
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    (402): I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.

    (781): I'm home now. bring me food and boobies (piggy? i swear i got that same text from him)

    (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
    (1-847): How was it?
    (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point.
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

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