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Thread: Texts from last night

  1. #271
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abbey Normal View Post
    Yes, but everyone would forget where it was located in the mall and just end up in the food court anyway.
    Good point! They would need creative marketing techniques.
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  2. #272
    Elite Member NicoleWasHere's Avatar
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    (901): Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
    (631): Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"

    (574): i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come

    (902): WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
    (1-902): I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
    (1-902): I love tequila.


    (310): Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
    (310): Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.


    (267): No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.

    (530): just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life

    (905): I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..

    (702): omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.

    (410): I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"

    (954): I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues

  3. #273
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    (905): I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..

    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  4. #274
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (678): Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.


    (419): Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away


    (304): ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?


    (978): she sounds like chewbacca in bed


    (803): i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.


    (720): You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.


    (954): woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student


    (937): I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.


    (912): I swear god or herbie drove my car home


    (405): Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for


    (912): you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?



    (818): So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice


    (828): Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.


    (619): I'm passing your future prison.





    (850): when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?


    (908): did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.


    (781): my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special


    (918): i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..


    (631): i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night


    (224): Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.


    (704): Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.


    (315): yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  5. #275
    Elite Member VenusInFauxFurs's Avatar
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    That's a positive.

    Damn, I wish I got these sorts of interesting texts. I mostly get requests to pick up bog paper.
    When your daughter plays "House," she pretends to be an annoying doctor with a pill-addiction and a limp.

  6. #276
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    omg.. I've been sitting here laughing so hard, my eyes are watering.. I love the Gillette one, sad turtle (maggie gyllenhaal), gas in the library, random shit that's what twitter is for..lol, dibs on the gosselin hair'd one!!!! They are all pretty good!

    I wish I got fun texts too VenusInFauxFurs!!!!
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  7. #277
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    The only kind I get are "omg mom u worry 2 much"

  8. #278
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    LOL^ same here! or ones like "okay", "yeah", "see you there"

    Booooooooooooring!
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  9. #279
    Elite Member Kittylady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VenusInFauxFurs View Post
    That's a positive.

    Damn, I wish I got these sorts of interesting texts. I mostly get requests to pick up bog paper.

    Housemate once texted me while I was out on a date to ask if I minded stopping off at the 24 hour supermarket on my way home to get some. The answer was a resounding No and I included the words "Do you really think I wanted to end my night by being walked safely to my door via a loo roll rescue mission?" to which he replied "Can't you steal some from the pub toilets and stuff it in your handbag?". The 24 hour supermarket was 10 minutes walk away from where we live, by the way...

  10. #280
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    here's a real one from my phone - thanks, Shedevil:
    I got you a shirt and a dildo for Christmas. So in case you don't like the shirt, you can go fuck yourself...
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  11. #281

  12. #282
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mel1973 View Post
    here's a real one from my phone - thanks, Shedevil:
    I got you a shirt and a dildo for Christmas. So in case you don't like the shirt, you can go fuck yourself...
    that's so awesome!!!!!!!
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  13. #283
    Elite Member NicoleWasHere's Avatar
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    Best of Missouri (816): (I'm biased)

    (816): She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"

    (816): I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now

    (816): Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.

    (816): I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.

    (816): dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life

    (816): You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
    (1-816): So we're fucking tonight?

    (816): you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too

    (816): Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?

    (816): YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!

    (816): I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.

    (816): We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.

  14. #284
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    (816): dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
    Ewww gross.


    (816): Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
    What the.....????? lmao

    (816): We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
    Sounds like this is the same person who fantasizes about Larry King! lol

    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  15. #285
    Elite Member Lobelia's Avatar
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    I got one the other day that said "air supply is awesome panty dropping music"

    I have no idea why my cousin sent me that.
    "I've cautiously embraced jeggings"
    Emma Peel aka Pacific Breeze aka Wilde1 aka gogodancer aka maribou

    Yip, yip, yip in your tiny indignation. Bark furiously on, lady dog.

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