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Thread: Texts from last night

  1. #256
    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    (516): I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.

    (615): one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars

    (303): The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
    (putting aside the fact that no one should compare anything found in her vag with butter, this made me howl)


    (217): Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.



    (225): Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess

    (530): i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry

    (301): i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
    If i hear one more personal attack, i will type while drunk, then you can cry! - Bugdoll
    (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she doesn't seem to have the depth or warmth
    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    (Replying to MontanaMama) This is some of the smartest shit I ever read

  2. #257
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  3. #258

  4. #259
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (626): Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.

    (202): i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day

    (720): he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
    (708): she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.

    (860): You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
    Harry Potter nerds are amused! *yeah, I'm one*

    (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

    (720): I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
    Am I the only one confused by this?

    (252): I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
    Dear God, NOOOOOOOOOOOO

    (256): we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.

    (850): best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
    (845): Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
    I had no idea people still used the term "Party Foul"...

    (845): beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
    (573): Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
    (573): I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.

    (203): trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me

    (407): i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.

    (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

    (215): I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.

    (740): the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.

    (330): Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
    Last edited by Mel1973; November 2nd, 2009 at 03:19 PM.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  5. #260
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    lmao: (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

    (I don't think those two were suppose to go together, were they? jesus and the panda) Jesus one is hilarious!
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  6. #261
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    ok - you caught me. I fixed it!
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  7. #262
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    (that was for calling me a liar)
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  8. #263
    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    Best text eva...

    (971): this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
    If i hear one more personal attack, i will type while drunk, then you can cry! - Bugdoll
    (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she doesn't seem to have the depth or warmth
    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    (Replying to MontanaMama) This is some of the smartest shit I ever read

  9. #264
    Elite Member Karistiona's Avatar
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    Sexual Harassment Panda is from South Park
    I smile because I have no idea what's going on

  10. #265
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (513): He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma

    (850): Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.

    (860): i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.

    (309): "Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.

    (647): after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me

    (862): so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?


    (734): So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
    (810): You're 20.
    (734): IT'S BUILD A BEAR!


    (419): You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....

    (810): Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.

    (209): I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life

    (510): i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me

    (330): So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol


    (334): Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama

    (734): I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
    (734): omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore

    (315): well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her


    (732): the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.


    (407): We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
    Last edited by Mel1973; November 10th, 2009 at 01:49 PM.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  11. #266
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  12. #267

  13. #268

  14. #269
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    (267): there needs to be a build-a-bong store...

    LOL the sad part is, it would make millions!!!!!!
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  15. #270
    Silver Member Abbey Normal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MsChiff View Post
    (267): there needs to be a build-a-bong store...

    LOL the sad part is, it would make millions!!!!!!
    Yes, but everyone would forget where it was located in the mall and just end up in the food court anyway.
    ...of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

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