(516): I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
(615): one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
(303): The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
(putting aside the fact that no one should compare anything found in her vag with butter, this made me howl)
(217): Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
(225): Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess
(530): i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
(301): i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...