Page 16 of 23 FirstFirst ... 6121314151617181920 ... LastLast
Results 226 to 240 of 341
Like Tree5Likes

Thread: Texts from last night

  1. #226
    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Evading P6 & P7
    Posts
    13,275

    Default

    (678): so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style

    (231): I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
    (906): so you're not coming in to work today?

    (850): hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
    (904): not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
    (850): i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

    (434): I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
    (1-434): Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
    If i hear one more personal attack, i will type while drunk, then you can cry! - Bugdoll
    (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she doesn't seem to have the depth or warmth
    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    (Replying to MontanaMama) This is some of the smartest shit I ever read

  2. #227
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    ♥In your heart ♥
    Posts
    5,752

    Default

    NASCAR drunk... love that!!!!!!!
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  3. #228
    Elite Member Karistiona's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Alba
    Posts
    12,628

    Default

    (403): I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.

    (859): just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....

    (602): She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.

    (818): I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
    (310): wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
    (818): why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
    I smile because I have no idea what's going on

  4. #229
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Cuntopia
    Posts
    42,964

    Default

    (913): your address is 607B right?
    (785): yeah why?
    (913): i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it

    (610): I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.

    (773): Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
    (773): You spelled "worthless" wrong.
    seriously, Grim - ease up!

    (314): What happened to the watermelon?
    (1-314): You fucked it.

    (260): I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
    (260): Sorry- wrong number!
    you know it was the RIGHT number & he's right, you're a bitch!

    (949): I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads
    I'm going to try that!
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(•_•)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  5. #230
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    ♥In your heart ♥
    Posts
    5,752

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mel1973 View Post

    (773): Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
    (773): You spelled "worthless" wrong.
    seriously, Grim - ease up!
    lmfao
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  6. #231
    Elite Member Aella's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Greece
    Posts
    8,899

    Default

    That site is a thing of beauty!


    (615): He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.

    (608): We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.

    (251): just found the deal breaker
    (1-251): hairy back?
    (251): he can't live within 1000 ft of a school

    (818): dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
    (626): well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person

    (773): Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
    (773): You spelled "worthless" wrong.



    (314): What happened to the watermelon?
    (1-314): You fucked it.
    "Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck." - Joss Whedon

    "The only thing more expensive than education is ignorance." -Benjamin Franklin

  7. #232
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Cuntopia
    Posts
    42,964

    Default

    (571): I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive

    (651): if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.

    (954): God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.

    (560): I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?

    (850): I'm not easy to get along with....and I'm sensing....that you're a bit of a bitch.

    (817): Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.

    (845): I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing

    (614): Time to Nut Up or Shut Up.

    (507): Redeem this text for a blowjob

    (832): Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.

    (913): No, drunk sperm still make babies.

    (780): Did we use protection last night?
    (1-780): Um, no...keep in touch, okay?

    (206): Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
    (443): shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
    (610): wrong number but thanks

    (614): Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?

    (360): Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!

    (613): You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
    (805): as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
    (1-805): uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win

    (304): Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire

    (843): there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
    Best fucking idea evar!

    (203): nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
    (508): how many servings is brandon's dick?

    (404): You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.

    (719): I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
    Last edited by Mel1973; September 21st, 2009 at 11:52 AM.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(•_•)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  8. #233
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    ♥In your heart ♥
    Posts
    5,752

    Default

    (304): Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire

    EWWWWWW
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  9. #234
    Elite Member Annika's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    3,316

    Default

    honest to god, reading this site daily will keep you alive longer. laughter is the best medicine yadayadayada all that shit.

    i crack up at what you guys post, nevermind the site!

  10. #235
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Cuntopia
    Posts
    42,964

    Default

    (802): he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye

    (763): I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
    (612): I want my thong back.
    (763): I hate you tequila.

    (732): I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
    (860): he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
    (617): wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
    (702): We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
    (1-702): Wtf? Why?
    (702): I want awesome conversations to show the world.

    (802): My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
    (516): is she hot?
    (802): She is now

    (970): I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off

    (204): My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
    (503): I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team

    (478): you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.

    (507): I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
    (954): i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it

    (843): got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

    (812): She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.

    (781): I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.

    (314): My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
    (309): I learned to sign I want to be on you today
    (1-309): Score
    (309): Deaf chicks here I come

    (972): Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.

    (909): I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(•_•)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  11. #236
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    ♥In your heart ♥
    Posts
    5,752

    Default

    (781): I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation. that's a great way to tell someone you hate them

    (972): Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy. that is beyond gross

    (909): I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars. OMG lmao

    oh god I was just copying and pasting the same info/dates into a program that we use here at work and went back to what I was doing and pasted "just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. i am so classy." into the comment line. thank god no one was around or here when I did that.. eek
    Last edited by MsChiff; September 23rd, 2009 at 03:23 PM.
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  12. #237
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Cuntopia
    Posts
    42,964

    Default

    (954): just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything

    (843): By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.

    (414): have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.

    (250): i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
    (734): Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?

    (508): seriously i just wanna be friends
    (1-508): pass

    (434): So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.

    (215): Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.

    (305): gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
    (970): did you ask her what wine to pair it with?

    (480): Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy

    (412): I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.

    (303): Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward

    (609): Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
    (1-609): First class.
    (215): her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.

    (812): The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?

    (251): Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"

    (570): can you come get me at the bar
    (301): ill be there in 10 min
    (570): can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
    (641): I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
    (425): i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like

    (301): saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.

    (251): Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
    (1-251): Why are you in my underwear drawer?

    (208): Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
    (915): so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
    (1-915): who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(•_•)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  13. #238
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    ♥In your heart ♥
    Posts
    5,752

    Default

    I love this site so much! (I love the guy that walked home with his lenses in a shot glass!)
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  14. #239
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Burning Down Your Windmill
    Posts
    49,400

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mel1973 View Post
    (412): I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.

    You sent that one in, didn't you?
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  15. #240
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Cuntopia
    Posts
    42,964

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by greysfang View Post
    You sent that one in, didn't you?
    No, but I think I will be using that one in the future. It's true though, big tits will get you alot of things, they get you out of tickets... there's a downside, but really, who cares!
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(•_•)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. W8, WUT? Teen sends nearly 34,000 texts
    By NicoleWasHere in forum News
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: January 18th, 2009, 09:34 AM
  2. Replies: 25
    Last Post: November 12th, 2008, 04:25 PM
  3. Replies: 5
    Last Post: October 6th, 2008, 09:29 PM
  4. Replies: 4
    Last Post: May 7th, 2008, 08:21 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •