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Thread: Texts from last night

  1. #211
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    (306): how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.

    (410): she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
    ROTF!!!!!!!!!!!
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  2. #212
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (714): Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.

    (609): We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.

    (310): Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame

    (517): last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??

    (323): Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.

    (585): I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.

    (217): The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.

    (214): So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
    (1-214): Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.

    (330): no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
    no shit!

    (816): You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
    (1-816): So we're fucking tonight?

    (978): im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me
    (1-978): this is your brother

    (845): Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk

    (604): I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction

    (202): so when am I gonna get some from you?
    (617): when you dick grows 3 inches
    617 could be me!

    (909): I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
    ewwwwwwwwwww

    (912): just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
    Shedevil??

    (815): just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.

    (317): Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
    (812): You're dead to me.

    (732): the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on

    (806): apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom

    (314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
    (504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda
    (314): put your penis in her you must.

    (516): she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
    (917): I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  3. #213
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    bwah ahahaha
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  4. #214
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (843): 70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.

    (603): she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
    (262): your sister was..

    (541): My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.

    look people, over holiday weekends, we need some dedicated soul to check this site. me laughing this much at work gets the boss concerned...
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  5. #215
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mel1973 View Post
    (410): she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.


    soo soo wrong.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  6. #216
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    (480): You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone

    (202): did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...



    (503): why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
    (541): I don't know but we should still do that


    (480): Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  7. #217
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    (480): You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone -lmao good times!

    (202): did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this... lmfao! who are these ppl??? I need to meet them, my life is way too boring..

    (503): why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
    (541): I don't know but we should still do that


    (480): Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
    .....
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  8. #218
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (713): S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
    could there be any more FAIL in this?

    (303): So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?

    (269): dude she's married.
    (1-269): so? a ring don't cover no holes.

    (512): he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.

    (706): Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles

    (567): we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.

    (908): he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
    OMG - die bitch!

    (804): So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
    (757): So when are we having a sleepover?

    (405): It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  9. #219
    Hit By Ban Bus!
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    (713): S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
    could there be any more FAIL in this?
    If there is I can't find it.

  10. #220
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mel1973 View Post
    (908): he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
    OMG - die bitch!
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  11. #221
    Elite Member Moongirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sasha View Post
    If there is I can't find it.

    #1 No condom
    #2 Guy couldn't finish
    #3 Why would you need Plan B (emergency contraceptive) for anal sex?!?

  12. #222
    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
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    (505): Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.

    (484): So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.

    (412): fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
    (717): Winning.

    (217): My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.

    (870): I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.

    (615): In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.

    (262): Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

  13. #223
    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    A sign of the apocolypse???

    Fox is developing a TV adaptation of the popular website "Texts From Last Night."

    "The Big Bang Theory" scribe Steve Holland is set to write the comedy, which has scored a script order plus a large penalty from the net. Sony Pictures TV will produce, along with Adam Sandler's Happy Madison shingle.
    Launched last February, the "Texts" blog invites readers to post embarrassing messages that they've sent to friends, perhaps in the middle of the night or while intoxicated. The users' identity is concealed, save for their area code.
    The site's founders recently sealed a deal with Penguin's Gotham Books to compile a selection of messages.
    In writing the TV version, Holland will loosely base the show's characters and plot on the whole idea of racy -- and sometimes embarrassing -- communication, particularly among the twentysomething set. Holland's other credits include "Rules of Engagement" and "Less Than Perfect."

    Fox gets 'Texts From Last Night' - Entertainment News, TV News, Media - Variety

    How in the hell can they adapt the greatest website ever created into a prime-time tv show???
    If i hear one more personal attack, i will type while drunk, then you can cry! - Bugdoll
    (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she doesn't seem to have the depth or warmth
    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    (Replying to MontanaMama) This is some of the smartest shit I ever read

  14. #224
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Yeah, I'd rather they used the People of WalMart blog.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  15. #225
    Elite Member Beeyotch's Avatar
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    (845): Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk

    Oh man, that brings back some good college memories right there.

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