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Thread: Texts from last night

  1. #181
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mel1973 View Post
    (972):


    (970): Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.

    (.
    bwaaaaaaaaaaaa
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  2. #182
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (321): I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
    (239): He could rock you to sleep

    (734): I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
    (231): the cocktail of hope

    (401): They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
    totally agree with this one...

    (224): The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway

    (703): Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
    (541): Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard

    (410): Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.

    (847): Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth

    (209): it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits

    (423): I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator

    (973): I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick

    (585): broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
    (716): you're writing country songs now?

    (562): Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.

    (574): god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.

    (952): You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.

    (904): ID DO HER
    (1-904): SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK

    (313): operation harelip BJ is a go

    I will not let you bastards kill this thread! it is a gift from god, people!!!
    Last edited by Mel1973; August 18th, 2009 at 08:05 AM.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  3. #183
    Elite Member Sassiness's Avatar
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    this website is going to get me fired. I can't stop laughing out loud.... oh noes!!!


  4. #184
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    (518): I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.

    Alice?

    (630): You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.


    (859): I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.

    Ok, that's just sad.


    (910): it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'

    I plead the 5th.


    (973): I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  5. #185
    Elite Member Laxmobster's Avatar
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    King, have you been on TFLN lately?

    (516): How do I say "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"

    Quote Originally Posted by Celestial View Post
    I also choose to believe the rumors because I am, when it is all said and done, a dirty gossip.

  6. #186
    Elite Member Karistiona's Avatar
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    OMG Kaneesha is giving BJs!
    I smile because I have no idea what's going on

  7. #187
    Elite Member Laxmobster's Avatar
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    LOL, well her name was Keneesha FREEBIES!
    Quote Originally Posted by Celestial View Post
    I also choose to believe the rumors because I am, when it is all said and done, a dirty gossip.

  8. #188
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (781): yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!

    (613): he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
    stupid bitch - who lets someone violate their shit like that??

    (843): Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  9. #189
    Elite Member Karistiona's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mel1973 View Post
    (613): he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
    stupid bitch - who lets someone violate their shit like that??
    Holy fucking shit I'm crossing my legs in sympathy
    I smile because I have no idea what's going on

  10. #190
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    what, can you taste stuff through your vag or something?
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

  11. #191
    Elite Member Chilly Willy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mel1973 View Post
    (562): Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
    So hilarious!
    Hello mother fucker! when you ask a question read also the answer instead of asking another question on an answer who already contain the answer of your next question!
    -Bugdoll-



  12. #192
    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
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    (760): Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.

    (407): I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like

    (503): i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
    (1-503): I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning

    (713): I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
    (832): I wanted to see November 5, 1985

    (409): nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair

    (805): I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.

    (740): I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..

    (401): you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck

    (313): I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.

    (706): don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.

    (937): I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.

    (912): I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person

    (440): I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating

    (574): I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.

    (937): I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay

    (630): between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before

    (386): totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

  13. #193
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grimmlok View Post
    what, can you taste stuff through your vag or something?
    no, but do you want to shove a jalapeno up your ass and see if the feeling is "good" or "bad"?

    (440): do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
    (1-440): you should probably use water
    (440): i dont have any
    Lynnie???

    (817): Dude. Creed is coming in september.
    (1-817): We're no longer friends.

    (707): Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.

    (314): I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.

    (517): Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.

    (250): Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
    Do you think it was the giggle that made Elmo so irresistible??
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  14. #194
    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
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    (+27): I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
    (+27): I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.

    (816): You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.

    (608): I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober

    (214): My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.

    (513): She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.

    (781): when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
    (781): then i met college

    (716): Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.

    (905): just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.

    (256): I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip

    (951): I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to

    (763): My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.

    (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

    (907): i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat

    (302): I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

  15. #195
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    [quote=sparkly;1859205.

    (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

    [/quote]
    bahhh haa I love this
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

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