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Thread: Texts from last night

  1. #166
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (617): I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
    I'm not saying anything ... ok, but it only reminds me of someone because they've picked up guys at Home Depot...

    (636): At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
    (314): You fucking left with him didn't you?!

    (740): my lips still taste like vagina
    (1-740): so you liked breakfast?
    (740): ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead

    (916): i think i have herpe
    (1-916): just one?

    (616): Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
    I posted this one just to make Grim sick....

    (979): Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.

    (770): I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them

    (631): did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??

    (949): i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
    Last edited by Mel1973; July 15th, 2009 at 09:50 AM.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  2. #167
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mel1973 View Post
    (617):

    (916): i think i have herpe
    (1-916): just one?

    (979): Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.

    (770): I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them

    (631): did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??

    (949): i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
    lmfao! who are these ppl?????
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  3. #168
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (202): Odds of those being real?
    (614): One in who gives a fuck

    (630): hot girl, 5 o clock
    (1-630): do you know how to read a clock?

    (773): it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
    (708) I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
    (773) don't worry... so do I

    (570): don't read that magazine bro. I came in it

    (630): Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?

    (818): my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you

    (904): Was it cool?
    (1-904): About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.

    (941): Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
    (1-941): That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.

    (919): Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  4. #169
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mel1973 View Post
    (202):

    (630): hot girl, 5 o clock
    (1-630): do you know how to read a clock?

    (570): don't read that magazine bro. I came in it


    (630): Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
    LMAO! I hate to admit it but I had a pervy uncle that loved dirty magazines and some of the pages were stuck together.. ewwwwww! He had stacks and stacks of them. He subscribed and just piled them up year after year. (and I don't mean he was pervy b/c he subscribed to those mags... there were other reasons -ew. oh and I'm not one of them. meaning = he didn't touch me or anything. he had a briefcase filled with cutouts of the bra section in old sears/jc penney catalogs and billions of pictures of his own unit - believe me, I could on and on.... he was weird) lol
    Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

  5. #170
    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    (281): People with herpes should wear stickers.

    (845): so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....

    (407): Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.

    (514): so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
    (1-514): and?
    (514): luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
    Doesn't just cure cancer - too bad Billy Mays died, he'd have done a helluva infomercial!
    If i hear one more personal attack, i will type while drunk, then you can cry! - Bugdoll
    (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she doesn't seem to have the depth or warmth
    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    (Replying to MontanaMama) This is some of the smartest shit I ever read

  6. #171
    Elite Member Lobelia's Avatar
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    (734): we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
    "I've cautiously embraced jeggings"
    Emma Peel aka Pacific Breeze aka Wilde1 aka gogodancer aka maribou

    Yip, yip, yip in your tiny indignation. Bark furiously on, lady dog.

  7. #172
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (626): i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.

    (732): They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
    it's wrong, but I laughed...

    (301): She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.

    (678): If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
    I'm confused ... is it chocolate or old man dick that she's desperate for?

    (919): Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too

    (913): ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
    who wants to be she took it again??

    (858): I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
    (1-858): Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?

    (434): he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
    Harry Potter nerds rock!

    (847): Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.

    (303): maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
    Twilight nerds suck!

    (703): the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
    He had me right up until budlight...
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  8. #173
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (305): I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  9. #174
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (651): Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.

    (620): How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?

    (407): i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"

    (617): i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital

    (304): my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"

    (313): I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  10. #175
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mel1973;1832133(407)
    i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
    OMG, best EVAR!
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  11. #176
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mel1973 View Post
    (651(620): How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?

    .
    ahahahahahaha I love this one
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  12. #177
    Elite Member chartreuse's Avatar
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    omg, that trampoline one is hilarious!!!!!!! that totally hit my funny bone!
    white, black, puerto rican/everybody just a freakin'/good times were rollin'.


  13. #178
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    ahahahahahaha I love this one
    I knew YOU would...
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  14. #179
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    heehee
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  15. #180
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (972): i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
    (817): Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
    (972): ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.

    (724): So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....

    (303): Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!

    (732): no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck

    (405): so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one

    (604): I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.

    (214): so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
    (1-214): dont u have athletes foot?

    (970): Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.

    (513): I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead

    (415): worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.

    (276): Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face

    (813): there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.

    (970): Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
    Last edited by Mel1973; August 4th, 2009 at 11:54 AM.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

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