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Thread: Texts from last night

  1. #136
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (703): i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
    (1-703): yes
    (703): ... don't judge me
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  2. #137
    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
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    (301): Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
    (1-301): I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.

    (202): I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.

    (281): What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
    (832): I guess God knew he was going to be bald...

    (774): his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.

    (410): I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
    (301): Nowhere
    (973): New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
    (1-973): Why are we friends again?

    (978): Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

  3. #138
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    (202): I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.

    i just spit ginger ale all over my laptop.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  4. #139
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    (623): So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.


    Alice to us:
    (619): thanks for being my friend
    even though im irresponsible with my vagina


    (206): got weed?
    (425): I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
    (206): sorry mom...


    (817): I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!


    (561): Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
    (1-561): He looks like a bad one night stand.

    (701): i want to fuck
    (320): ?
    (701): it's pretty self explanatory
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  5. #140
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (503): I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.

    Boy, did that one hit home, eh Shedevil???
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  6. #141
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mel1973 View Post
    (503): I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.

    Boy, did that one hit home, eh Shedevil???
    Rofl your tits are texting ppl behind your back
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  7. #142
    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
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    (646): Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.

    (218): Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
    (763): ew wtf

    (708): i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
    (708): but i totally would still bang him

    (510): I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.

    (617): just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet

    (951): Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
    (949): Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.

    (541): Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.

    (860): I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.

    (815): I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.

    (403): let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.

    (508): help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something

    (251): My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.

    (310): Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies

    (604): he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

  8. #143
    Elite Member Beeyotch's Avatar
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    (310): Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies

    This is why my dog wants me to cut down on the coffeeee.

  9. #144
    Elite Member Kittylady's Avatar
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    (604): he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?

    So I see Jayla is joining in, too!

  10. #145
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (972): they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  11. #146
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    OH damn that is hilarious and so wrong
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  12. #147
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    (937): How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?




    (818): I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  13. #148
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    (510): called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
    (1-510): you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.

    (914): Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!


    (352): Billy Mays is dead too!
    (1-352): Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs

    (214): The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
    "and the winner is"
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  14. #149
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (720): morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.

    (512): hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
    (1-512): yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.

    (631): Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.

    (215): Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.

    (757): Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.

    (519): she's naming her girl london marie
    (519): that kid will be born with a tramp stamp

    (216): Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
    (1-216): Lol no its called college
    I have people listed in my phone as "Do Not Answer 1", "Do Not Answer 2"...
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  15. #150
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    (206): when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.

    (919): The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

    917): I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now

    (206): genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer

    (518): Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face

    (862): Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
    (405): I am spending my child support on dildos

    (817): I showed him my bush... on skype.

    (609): My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.

    (612): I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.

    (205): i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

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