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Thread: Random funny shit part two

  1. #1696
    Elite Member lindsaywhit's Avatar
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    It's what people in Florida call David Bowie?


  2. #1697
    Elite Member sprynkles's Avatar
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    So cute, and smart.

    lindsaywhit, JazzyGirl and Fran like this.

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    Elite Member Bluebonnet's Avatar
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    Before you can judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

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    Elite Member Moongirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sprynkles View Post
    So cute, and smart.

    I've seen this before, and have always thought it would be even better if he dipped it into a toilet that had fake urine and said "It's a bit easier to remove if the toilet has urine, because the ammonia in the urine is like Windex and helps to remove the smudges better".
    JazzyGirl likes this.

  5. #1700
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    "But I am very poorly today & very stupid & I hate everybody & everything." -- Charles Darwin

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    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  7. #1702
    Elite Member dowcat's Avatar
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    Last edited by dowcat; May 25th, 2017 at 02:18 PM.

    "Tão estranho carregar uma vida inteira no corpo, e ninguém suspeitar dos traumas, das quedas, dos medos, dos choros."
    Caio Fernando Abreu

  8. #1703
    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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    That first one of the hand holding is killing me.
    Serendipity likes this.
    "Schadenfreude, hard to spell, easy to feel." ~VenusinFauxFurs

    "Scoffing is one of my main hobbies!" ~Trixie

  9. #1704
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    dowcat, HWBL, lindsaywhit and 7 others like this.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  10. #1705
    Elite Member HWBL's Avatar
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    Warren Beatty: actor, director, writer, producer.

    ***** celeb

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  12. #1707
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    Before you can judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

  13. #1708
    Elite Member KrisNine's Avatar
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    I don't want to be anywhere near that woman driving, eating a burger, filming herself, with her dog running around in the car. I'm betting she's had a shitload of accidents.
    pinkbunnyslippers and LaFolie like this.

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    I thought she's sitting on the front passenger seat but you could be right!
    -

  15. #1710
    Elite Member Bluebonnet's Avatar
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    This was from an email that went around in like 2002 but it cracks me up everytime:

    HOW TO SING THE BLUES (from analogman.com)
    by Lame Mango Washington
    (attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky, revisions by Little Blind Patti D. and Dr. Stevie Franklin)


    1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."

    2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like " I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

    3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of: "Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."


    4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.


    5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.


    6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, " adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis .


    7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada . Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.


    8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.


    9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.


    10. Good places for the Blues:

    a. highway
    b. jailhouse
    c. empty bed
    d. bottom of a whiskey glass


    Bad places:

    a. Ashrams
    b. gallery openings
    c. Ivy League institutions
    d. golf courses


    11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you slept in it.


    12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:

    a. you're older than dirt
    b. you're blind
    c. you shot a man in Memphis
    d. you can't be satisfied


    No, if:

    a. you have all your teeth
    b. you were once blind but now can see
    c. the man in Memphis lived.
    d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund.


    13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.


    14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues.


    Other acceptable Blues beverages are:

    a. wine
    b. whiskey or bourbon
    c. muddy water
    d. black coffee


    The following are NOT Blues beverages:

    a. mixed drinks
    b. kosher wine
    c. Snapple
    d. sparkling water


    15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.


    16. Some Blues names for women:

    a. Sadie
    b. Big Mama
    c. Bessie
    d. Fat River Dumpling


    17. Some Blues names for men:

    a. Joe
    b. Willie
    c. Little Willie
    d. Big Willie


    18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis .


    19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):

    a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
    b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)
    c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

    For example, Blind Lime Jefferson , or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.
    (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

    20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. I don't care.
    Before you can judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

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