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Thread: Random Funny Shit part III

  1. #346
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    As Canadian as possible under the circumstances

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    "What's traitors, precious?" -- President Gollum

  2. #347
    Elite Member Moongirl's Avatar
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    Dr.Plumber said, “Jonathan,I have good and bad news!Good one is that I have a solution for your headaches.The bad new is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates terrible headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”

    Jonathan was shocked and collapsed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn’t concentrate for a long time to answer, but he decided that he had no choice and has to be operated.

    When Jonathan left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in fifteen years, but he felt like he was missing a crucial part of his body. As he walked down the street, he noticed that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a stylish men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need, a new suit.”

    He entered the store and told the sales clerk, “I want a suit.” The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let’s see … size forty two long.” Jonathan laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business for fifty years!” Jonathan tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

    As Jonathan admired himself in the mirror, the sales clerk asked, “How about a new shirt?” Jonathan thought for a second and then said, “Sure.” The sales clerk eyed Jonathan and said, “Let’s see, thirty two sleeve and sixteen neck.” Again, Jonathan was surprised, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business for fifty years!”

    Jonathan tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Jonathan adjusted the collar in the mirror, the sales clerk asked, “How about new shoes?” Jonathan was on a roll and said, “Sure.” The sales clerk eyed Jonathan’s feet and said, “Let’s see … Thirty nine.” Joe was amazed, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business for fifty years!”

    Jonathan tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Jonathan walked comfortably around the shop and the sales clerk asked, “How about some new underwear?” Jonathan thought for a second and said, “Sure.” The sales clerk stepped back, eyed Jonathan’s waist and said, “Let’s see… size thirty six.”

    Jonathan laughed. “Finally! I got you! I’ve worn size thirty two since I was seventeen years old.” The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear size thirty two.Your size is thirty six.Size thirty two underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you a terrible headache.”

  3. #348
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    fgg, Froogy, greysfang and 2 others like this.
    As Canadian as possible under the circumstances

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    "What's traitors, precious?" -- President Gollum

  4. #349
    Elite Member HWBL's Avatar
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    Warren Beatty: actor, director, writer, producer.

    ***** celeb

  5. #350
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    As Canadian as possible under the circumstances

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    "What's traitors, precious?" -- President Gollum

  6. #351
    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
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    Okay, I've never understood the attraction before, but I have to admit this works for me.



    You Hiddleston hoes don't forget to thank me.
    My Posts Have Won Awards. Can Any Of You Claim The Same? -ur_next_ex

    "I don't have pet peeves. I have major psychotic fucking hatreds, okay". ~George Carlin

  7. #352
    Elite Member gas_chick's Avatar
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    Thank you, msdark.
    I am going to come and burn the fucking house down... but you will blow me first."

  8. #353
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  9. #354
    Elite Member Bluebonnet's Avatar
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    Before you can judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

  10. #355
    Elite Member Bluebonnet's Avatar
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    Before you can judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

  11. #356
    Elite Member Bluebonnet's Avatar
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    This is corny, but still might make you chuckle.

    Before you can judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

  12. #357
    Elite Member Bluebonnet's Avatar
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    The Comal County Sheriff's Department in Texas posted this on their Facebook page. LOL!

    Before you can judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

  13. #358
    Elite Member sprynkles's Avatar
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    Right up our alley.


    "A massive penis means never having to say you're sorry". Mo

  14. #359
    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
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    I love that.
    My Posts Have Won Awards. Can Any Of You Claim The Same? -ur_next_ex

    "I don't have pet peeves. I have major psychotic fucking hatreds, okay". ~George Carlin

  15. #360
    Elite Member Bluebonnet's Avatar
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    sprynkles likes this.
    Before you can judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

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