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Thread: Random funny shit

  1. #1441
    Elite Member Icepik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Petunya View Post
    Sorry my embedded link isnt working

    Icebreakers - YouTube


    [YOUTUBE]GgIkOx1XBvM[/YOUTUBE]

  2. #1442
    Elite Member KristiB's Avatar
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    Jehovah's Witnesses want deaf people to stop masturbating video.

    This is pretty funny! The second guy's facial expressions are priceless!

    I can't embed the video because it's unlisted but it's safe!

    Jehovah’s Witnesses Tell Deaf People to Stop Masturbating | Video on Clip Nation

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m8AF...player_embeddd

  3. #1443
    Elite Member Waterslide's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KristiB View Post
    Jehovah's Witnesses want deaf people to stop masturbating video.

    This is pretty funny! The facial expressions are priceless!

    I can't embed the video because it's unlisted but it's safe!

    Jehovah’s Witnesses Tell Deaf People to Stop Masturbating | Video on Clip Nation

    [YOUTUBE]1m8AFFGnF9M&feature=player_embeddd[/YOUTUBE]
    Maybe this will work.

    [YOUTUBE]1m8AFFGnF9M[/YOUTUBE]
    "AND WHEN YOU BECAME DENISE, I TOLD ALL YOUR COLLEAGUES, THOSE CLOWN COMICS, TO FIX THEIR HEARTS OR DIE."

  4. #1444
    Bronze Member Petunya's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Icepik View Post
    [YOUTUBE]GgIkOx1XBvM[/YOUTUBE]
    Thanks Icepik
    ------Calm down. It's only ones and zeros.-----

  5. #1445
    Bronze Member Petunya's Avatar
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    This came from an email sent to me by my sister, I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants

    ****
    THE FART THAT (ALMOST) ALTERED MY DESTINY****
    ****
    Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never
    realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to
    alter my course in history. Well, it can if it’s the third date with the
    man of your dreams. And, if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined us to
    be together, I was one SBD away from foiling His plans (that’s “Silent But
    Deadly” for you prudes).****
    ****
    It was about five years ago. I was trying to lose a few pounds so I was
    staying away from carbs. That’s when I met my husband, Rob. On our first
    date, he booked the next two. He liked me. I liked him. Things were
    looking real good.****
    He picked me up in a Cobra, Mustang and his pathetic attempt to win me over
    with a car totally worked. I’m not shallow, but since I spent most of my
    twenties picking men up because I didn’t want my hair to frizz in their
    non-air conditioned jalopies on 3 wheels and a 15 year old spare, I
    welcomed his fancy sports car with open arms.****
    We arrived at the restaurant and Rob was ordering food I hadn’t allowed
    myself to eat in years. I didn’t want to be “that girl” so I ate, drank,
    and oh, was I merry. Later we shopped a bit. Rob surprised me by buying an
    expensive pair of shoes that he caught me eyeing. Was this love?****
    That’s when it happened. Gas strikes in two different ways –
    uncontrollable toots or sharp, shooting pains that feel a lot like dying.
    I thought I was dying. Not to make a scene, I told Rob I suddenly wasn’t
    feeling well and probably needed to head home.****
    On the way home in his Cobra, he tried to hold my hand and ask me lots of
    questions, but I wasn’t having any of it. The pain was so bad it felt like
    I was being stabbed with a bunch of tiny forks. Then I realized …****
    My God, help me. I have a horrendous fart on deck. I’m in trouble. Big
    trouble.****
    ****
    The more I held it in, the more pain would shoot through my stomach and
    down my legs. I was even having to raise myself off the seat, gripping on
    to my door and the dashboard.****
    “Seriously, you need to hurry – I’m in a lot of pain.” I managed to say
    through gritted teeth.****
    “Wow, it’s that bad? What’s wrong? Do I need to take you to a hospital?”***
    *
    How do you tell a man you just started dating that the reason you’re
    writhing in pain is because you have to fart?****
    Well, you can either tell him, or like me, let the fart speak for itself.***
    *
    People, hear me. There was nothing I could do. As impressive as I am with
    sphincter control, this was out of my hands. Slowly, it eeked out. The
    more I tried to stop it, the more it forced it’s way through the door.
    However, to my pleasant surprise, there was no sound. I sat silently,
    sweat accumulating above my upper lip. Ok, maybe I got away with it.
    Maybe I’m home free. Then it hit me. Not an idea, a cloud. A horrific,
    fart cloud. Not in a, “am I smelling something?” sort of way. More like a
    “is someone dead and rotting in your trunk and am I in hell?” sort of way.**
    **
    Suddenly, I panicked. “Roll down the windows!” I screamed (yes, I
    literally screamed it like I was in a horror movie).****
    “What? Why?” Rob asked, starting to freak out because I was freaking out.***
    *
    “I can’t roll down the windows, unlock it! UNLOCK IT!”****
    ***“What’s going on?” Rob yells back to me, “Why are you …” then it hit
    him. I could see it in his eyes. Was it surprise? Horror? Water started
    to accumulate at the base of his eyelids, “Oh my God, I CAN TASTE IT!” he
    screamed.****
    “Roll down the windows!” As I screamed, the toots started to flood out
    uncontrollably. I scratched and clawed at the window like I was being
    kidnapped. Rob, unable to see either by fart cloud or panic, kept turning
    on the windshield wipers instead of unlocking the window.****
    It was chaos. We were acting like we were under siege by gun fire. We
    were under siege alright, just not by gun fire.****
    Finally he was able to hit the right control and he rolled down our
    windows. We both gulped in fresh air. I was horrified, yet happy to be
    alive, then remembered I just farted on the man of dreams, then sorta
    wished I was dead.****
    We sat silently for the rest of the way home. Although the shooting pains
    had subsided, I now desperately needed to use the bathroom, in an urgent,
    explosive kind of way.****
    He pulled up to my apartment and before he could come to a stop I had
    already jumped out, “Ok, thanks for dinner, sorry about the fart, love the
    shoes!” and ran in to my apartment like I was running from the cops.****
    I burst through my door and ran straight for the bathroom, where I was
    finally able to unleash and make noises that no one should ever, EVER, hear
    coming from another person.****
    Then I heard it. Rob’s voice. Right. Outside. My. Bathroom. Door.****
    “Anna? You left your shoes in my car and your front door was open. Where
    do you want me to put them?”****
    “Get away from the door!” I scream like Reagan from The Exorcist.****
    “Ok, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”****
    *toot* *toot* *splatter* *ungodly noise*****
    “I’m fine, Rob – just leave the shoes there. I’ll call you later okay?”****
    “Okay, are you sure you’re …”****
    “I’m fine! Get away from the door!”****
    This man! I mean, I love him, but take a freakin’ hint!****
    Finally, I heard the front door shut, and the Cobra engine zoom away. I
    thought that was the last I’d hear from him. I didn’t think it was
    possible to ever see a man again after he screams he can taste your fart
    after only knowing you for 48 hours.****
    But, to my surprise, I did. A couple days later, actually. Now we’re
    married and he’s laying on the couch while I type this … “It was your rack
    that saved you,” he just lovingly reminded me.****
    Well, thank you boobs. You saved us. You saved our destiny.****
    ------Calm down. It's only ones and zeros.-----

  6. #1446
    Elite Member Karistiona's Avatar
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    Omg tears of laughter here, that poor woman!
    darksithbunny likes this.
    I smile because I have no idea what's going on

  7. #1447
    Elite Member darksithbunny's Avatar
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    I laughed so hard because I had a similar incident happen to me!!!! Soooooooo glad other people know your pain, but can find it so hiliarious that you can laugh yourself silly Moments like these make me proud to be human again.

  8. #1448
    Elite Member louiswinthorpe111's Avatar
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    OMG I laughed so hard. I had a similar experience during our first year of dating. It blew during a large group date at a bowling alley, with people I didn't know that well. Hubby claimed it for me. Now, you know THAT's love. So I married the bastard!

    We still laugh about it to this day, 21 years later. God that was funny. The look on their faces was priceless!
    Petunya likes this.
    RELIGION: Treat it like it's your genitalia. Don't show it off in public, and don't shove it down your children's throats.

  9. #1449
    Elite Member CornFlakegrl's Avatar
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    Omg, that was funny. "I can TASTE it!"

  10. #1450
    Elite Member Bellatheball's Avatar
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    Hilarious!

  11. #1451
    mjw
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  12. #1452
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    Karistiona likes this.

  13. #1453
    Elite Member Icepik's Avatar
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  14. #1454
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    that's why I love samsung even more



  15. #1455
    Elite Member WhateverLolaWants's Avatar
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    I've been actively trying to curse less lately but WHAT IN THE FUCKING FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS FUCK!?
    Air Quotes, Waterslide and Ravenna like this.
    ----------------------------
    There will be times you might leap before you look
    There'll be times you'll like the cover and that's precisely why you'll love the book
    Do it anyway

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