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Thread: Random funny shit

  1. #721
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  2. #722
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  3. #723
    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Love all of these!!
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

  4. #724
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    25 Animals Who Think They're People

    Thinking that they're people is a very common genotypic trait in animals that can be seen across a wide variety of species and subspecies boundaries. Here is a selection of 25 examples.



    1. Rabbits Who Think They Are Uptight Schoolteachers
    Rabbits who think they are uptight schoolteachers can be found throughout the northern United States. They are distinguishable by their delicate purple sweater vests and their prim, disapproving facial expressions. If you find one, be sure to tuck in your shirt.



    2. Bears Who Think They Are Hailing A Cab
    Bears who think they are hailing a cab are common in areas with poor or limited public transportation. They are harmless to most humans except cab drivers.



    3. Huskies Who Think They Are Intellectuals
    Huskies who think they are intellectuals are most commonly seen in quiet reading rooms or alcoves with their furry little noses buried in a book. Once they reach adulthood most huskies who think they are intellectuals begin working on an obscure doctoral thesis that they will tragically never finish to their satisfaction.



    4. Bears Who Think They Are At Some Kind Of A Picnic
    Bears who think they are at some kind of a picnic can be found wherever there are picnic tables, waiting patiently for potato salad and cold quiche.



    5. Cats Who Think They Are Reckless Drivers
    If you see a cat who thinks he is a reckless driver, pull over to the side of the road and alert the local veterinary traffic police.



    6. Teacup Pigs Who Think They Are At Prep School

    Mostly native to New England and surrounding areas, teacup pigs who think they are at prep school are known for their delicate little snouts and their elitist attitudes.



    7. Cats Who Think They Are British Schoolboys From The '50s
    This one is called Reginald.



    8. Cats Who Think They Are Couch Potatoes
    Most felines in North America think that they are couch potatoes, but not all of them have such a remarkable affinity for Lifetime Original Movies and Court TV.



    9. Dogs Who Think They Are Your Secretary

    Their air of competence and official demeanor makes these dogs fit in very naturally in an office setting, but they cannot usually be trusted with things like "tasks" or "work."



    10. Foxes Who Think They Are At An Amusement Park

    Foxes who think they are at an amusement park are very concerned about your work/life balance.



    11. Cats Who Think They Are At A Drive-Thru
    These felines are primarily distinguishable by their persistent ordering style and their indifference to condiments.



    12. Polar Bears Who Think They Are Waving Goodbye
    Something of a tragic animal, polar bears who think they are waving goodbye are forever in a state of flux. In a very real sense, they are achingly aware of the passing of all things. You should definitely wave back at them.



    13. Cats Who Think They Have Seen A Ghost
    Cats who think they have seen a ghost are by nature superstitious animals, but they also have a direct line to the other side, so they should be taken very seriously indeed.



    14. Dogs Who Think They Are, Like, Super Chill Bros

    Dogs who think they are, like, super chill bros should be approached with caution and, for good measure, a six pack.



    15. Rats Who Think They Are Early 19th Century Housewives
    It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single rodent in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.



    16. Chinchillas Who Think They Are At A Birthday Party

    The distinguishing characteristics of these crepuscular rodents, of the family Chinchillidae, is that the little hats they wear are simply too precious for words.



    17. Cats Who Think They Are Going For An Afternoon Stroll
    Mostly native to the British Isles, these cats are generally domestic shorthairs and their strolls are generally post-prandial.



    18. Owls Who Think They Are Picnicking In The Rain
    Owls who think they are picnicking in the rain also think that they are hilarious.



    19. Cats Who Think They Are Extremely Disappointed In You

    For as long as these animals have been known, naturalists have been at a loss to explain the scientific reasons behind their severe facial expressions and implacable body language. The prevailing theory is that these idiosyncratic physical features are a result of the fact that you have let them down for the last time.



    20. Cats Who Think They Are At Some Kind Of A Holiday Camp

    While all domesticated cats think, on one level, that they are at some kind of a holiday camp, this sub-species is determined to damn-well make the most of it.



    21. Cats Who Think They Are Getting Dressed For Work

    Cats who think they are getting dressed for work can generally be found listening halfheartedly to morning radio and promising themselves that they are going to start going to bed earlier in future.



    22. Squirrels Who Think They Are Having A Nice Day At The Beach
    Most people don't know that squirrels are rodents and that these squirrels in particular are rodents with a very strong relaxation drive.



    23. Cats Who Think They Are Angrily Demanding Service At A Restaurant
    These felines are known for their sharp retractable claws and their paltry, insulting tips.



    24. Bulldogs Who Think They Are Barflies
    These domestic dogs are distinguished by the thick folds of skin on their brows, which are the result of worrying about whether they should have ordered that third pint on a school night.



    25. Cats Who Think They Are Extremely Successful Businessmen
    Only about 1% of cats fall into this category.

    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  5. #725
    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    Those are too cute sput!
    See, Whores, we are good for something. Love, Florida
    #fingersinthebootyassbitch

  6. #726
    Elite Member ManxMouse's Avatar
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    I want the rat in #15!!
    Santa is an elitist mother fucker -- giving expensive shit to rich kids and nothing to poor kids.

  7. #727
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    for the scots:

    [YOUTUBE]SGxKhUuZ0Rc[/YOUTUBE]
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  8. #728
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    baby mop. naturally from japan.



    Last edited by sputnik; February 9th, 2012 at 09:35 PM.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  9. #729
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    I see nothing but little x's
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  10. #730
    Elite Member Bellatheball's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kittylady View Post
    Seeing a guy dancing to anything by Justin Bieber instantly puts him -1000 in the hotness stakes.
    Normally I totally agree. This was a 21 year old college football player who just did an impromptu 10 second thing during practice while the song was playing somewhere. I was willing to overlook him dancing to Bieber and the fact that I felt like a dirty old lady.

  11. #731
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    fixed.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  12. #732
    Elite Member Bellatheball's Avatar
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    Damnit! I would have bought that baby mop for my kids when they were still crawling. Spray a little Orange Glow and put them to work!

  13. #733
    Elite Member Icepik's Avatar
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    Furious Pete, a competitive eater tries Vegemite for the first time.


    [YOUTUBE]JtPUbsnnYW4[/YOUTUBE]

  14. #734
    Elite Member faithanne's Avatar
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    ^WTF? You don't eat it with a spoon, you spread it on toast. Even I wouldn't eat it that way and I grew up on the stuff.

    Is this some kind of dare thing where he has to eat the whole jar?
    "You're going to die tomorrow, Lord Bolton. Sleep well."



  15. #735
    Elite Member Icepik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by faithanne View Post
    ^WTF? You don't eat it with a spoon, you spread it on toast. Even I wouldn't eat it that way and I grew up on the stuff.

    Is this some kind of dare thing where he has to eat the whole jar?
    He's a competitive eater and had asked his Youtube fans to suggest something to eat (in it's entirety) people suggested Vegemite.

    I laughed before I watched the video because I had a friend send me Vegemite and thought the tiny bit I tried was God awful!

    Furious Pete also ate an entire jar of Nutella ...

    [YOUTUBE]OENU9ZMEeww[/YOUTUBE]

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