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Thread: Random funny shit

  1. #2266
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    Oh sput that is brilliant. I'm going to send that to about 15 people I know.
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  2. #2267
    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Thanks Olivia & Sput! I am still laughing! Having lived in Germany for a couple of years I can really appreciate that. Zo tru.
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

  3. #2268
    Elite Member Chilly Willy's Avatar
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    Hello mother fucker! when you ask a question read also the answer instead of asking another question on an answer who already contain the answer of your next question!
    -Bugdoll-



  4. #2269
    Elite Member Waterslide's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by olivia View Post
    Can't seem to work this blog thing. Anyway, here's what I sent immediately to my brother so I wouldn't forget -

    So, I took my dog to a German dog park. My female dog is a little touchy. She decided to over-zealously protect her hiney from a male dog who came sniffing. She basically wheeled around and slapped him. He jumped her. They rolled around in the dirt a while before breaking for neutral corners.

    Frau, the male dog owner, came marching quickly over to my side of the field, ein-zwei ein-zwei, with determination. Being embarrassed and constantly aware this is not my country, I went submissive with my humblest apologies, practically showed my belly and peed myself.

    Me - Mein hundin is ein bisschen beklopt. Es tut mir leid! (My dog is a little weird. I'm so sorry!)

    [The owner responded in English, hearing my terrible accent. This is the German way of showing that they know your language better than you can ever possibly know theirs. 'Tis true, but I'm making the fucking effort, no?] So -

    Frau - Yes your dog is very insecure and needs more training.

    [These Deutschies habitually see submission as an opportunity to correct you, grind the heel a little, not a moment to gracefully accept an apology.]

    Me - <bowing and scraping> No, no, she's just a bitch.

    Frau - What????

    Me - She's really a cranky old bitch.

    Frau - You shouldn't think of your dog like that!

    - Like what? She's a bitch.

    - This is the wrong way to address your dog! There must be respect! Your dog can feel this! This is why she has these problems, she can feeeeeel your attitude!

    - But she really is a BITCH!

    -You cannot call an animal a prostitute!

    -Prostitute? An animal can't BE a prostitute.

    -But you call her one!

    - No, she is actually a bitch, so I can call her one.

    [I here admit I was beginning to catch the problem but continued to play with Frau, because Frau deserved it for lecturing me about my dog and my attitude.]

    -But bitches are whores!

    -No, bitches are female dogs.

    - <pause> <blink> <blink> <pause> Was?

    - A female dog is called a bitch.

    -Was?

    -Like a female horse is called a mare. A female dog is a bitch.

    - <pause to recalculate> Ach! So there are two meanings!

    -No, there's only one meaning, female dog.

    -But it's a bad word!

    -Only when you call a human a bitch.

    -Humans and dogs are not the same so it has 2 meanings! <she's stamping her foot now>

    -Nope, only one that becomes an insult in a different context.

    <blink> <blink> - Ach! My English is not so good.

    Apparently not. She marched back to her corner, ein-zwei ein-zwei, which I call a retreat. Don't pick my dog and my language as your battlefield, bitch.

    After this, I asked every German friend if they know what "bitch" means. Only one did, and he reads a lot of US literature. The rest started argueing with me. My wonderful friend Sabine, who is so kind and throws great parties, was truly obnoxious about it -

    -Bitch means slut in German, nasty messy slut.

    - But it's an English word that means female dog.

    - It is our word, too, that means slut.

    - But I never hear Germans use it.

    -It doesn't matter. That is what we hear.

    - When you listen to English, right? So we own the definition.

    - Not in Germany.

    I felt the need for a gun and walked away. I like Sabina a lot.

    Now, trying to explain to them that "bitch" also has positive attributes, like the female dog that protects her own, simply does not compute. A bad word means something really bad, no context of friends calling each other "bitch" or a man giving a woman a compliment by calling her a "hot bitch" makes any sense to them. They HATE that English is full of context and subtlety.

    There is this unspoken attitude in Germans that English is a childish, unsophisticate version of German, that it needs modifications and improvements. That is why they make miserable students of English, and if I ever teach there again, it will only be to Turks and other immigrants.
    I swear I have had this same conversation with some of my German friends, who I do love to pieces, but they are so literal. And, especially anyone I know online, will actually correct you if they think you've made a mistake. And then you spend an hour discussing language - or at least I do, because I'm a sucker for it. (One who sucks? LOL I have no idea how they would translate that.)

    I don't know if this was already posted.



    It took me forever to figure out the last one wasn't a topless woman.
    OrangeSlice, Lobelia, Liza and 3 others like this.
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  5. #2270
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    I still don't see what the last one is. Those are great though, you have to wonder how the ad execs missed that crap.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

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  6. #2271
    Elite Member Waterslide's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greysfang View Post
    I still don't see what the last one is. Those are great though, you have to wonder how the ad execs missed that crap.
    The last one is two stick-type figure dancing. The one on the left is the guy and the one on the right is the girl in a mermaid dress, with their hands raised up to form boobies. I saw this yesterday and the only thing I could make of it was that it was some kind of muppet face (the tits were eyes), but when I went to post it, I finally saw it.

    I especially couldn't get over that first Catholic one, I was just embarrassed they ever used that...And the Chinese restaurant one...lol
    "AND WHEN YOU BECAME DENISE, I TOLD ALL YOUR COLLEAGUES, THOSE CLOWN COMICS, TO FIX THEIR HEARTS OR DIE."

  7. #2272
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Ohhhhh, I see it now. yeah, that Catholic one is just cringey.
    Waterslide likes this.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  8. #2273
    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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    Those are absolutely hilarious.
    "Schadenfreude, hard to spell, easy to feel." ~VenusinFauxFurs

    "Scoffing is one of my main hobbies!" ~Trixie

  9. #2274
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    I was laughing and cringing at the same time when I heard this prank call. She was hostile from the moment she answered the phone. AND she's watching kids with that vulgar mouth?!


  10. #2275
    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Lawd have mercy! Those kids must have an unusual vocabulary. However,I do feel they are quite safe.
    hustle4alivin likes this.
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

  11. #2276
    Elite Member Chilly Willy's Avatar
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    Hello mother fucker! when you ask a question read also the answer instead of asking another question on an answer who already contain the answer of your next question!
    -Bugdoll-



  12. #2277
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    Quote Originally Posted by McJag View Post
    Lawd have mercy! Those kids must have an unusual vocabulary. However,I do feel they are quite safe.
    IKR? Because you can tell Miss Darlene isn't about to let anyone near those kids. Talk about a "mother wolf" personality...

  13. #2278
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  14. #2279
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  15. #2280
    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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