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Thread: Random funny shit

  1. #2251
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    Quote Originally Posted by greysfang View Post
    A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:

    IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
    Oh jesus, you have no idea at all how difficult it is to explain to a Deutschie why this makes no sense in English. I'm laughing here...and reliving the excruciating moments why I gave up teaching German kids workable English. It becomes a dialectical exercise where they try to prove their way of speaking English is far superior to the original.

    If inclined someday, I'll tell the story about trying to teach several Germans what "bitch" means.
    Last edited by olivia; March 20th, 2013 at 03:58 PM.
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    Elite Member CornFlakegrl's Avatar
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    Why do we have to wait for you to be inclined? We demand entertainment!
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    PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN
    Are there other options for "opposite sex" that I am unaware of?

    ETA - Also, what about hermaphrodites, they aren't allowed to sleep in tents at all?

  4. #2254
    Elite Member choozen1ne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by choozen1ne View Post

    I swear there was a picture I posted , I'm not sure what happened to it but I really did post a picture . I sorry about the phantom post , I wasn't being an ass and putting a blank post up.

  5. #2255
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    It's happened to me, too. I sympathize.
    ----------------------------
    There will be times you might leap before you look
    There'll be times you'll like the cover and that's precisely why you'll love the book
    Do it anyway

  6. #2256
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    We were just messing with you choozen.









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    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

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    Elite Member Rusalka's Avatar
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    I want to hear the German story too! Pretty please?

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    Elite Member Witchywoman's Avatar
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    A group of young girls in black and white tights perform a trippy dance to the popular tune of German folk-rock polka band Hiss.


  9. #2259
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rusalka View Post
    I want to hear the German story too! Pretty please?
    Hold on. I have to look for the original in my email, spruce it up a bit, and then I might blog it here.
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  10. #2260
    Elite Member Waterslide's Avatar
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    Michael K's commentary and the video are both amusing. I don't get why the guy is being such a jerk, though.

    Thursday, March 21st 2013

    Hot Slut Of The Day!




    There are so many Hot Sluts in this clip from the Magic vs. Pacers game on Sunday. That tiny spoon is a Hot Slut for being a tiny spoon. That ice cream cone is a Hot Slut for being an ice cream cone. The girlfriend is a Hot Slut for not giving up on ice cream and trying over and over again to get a piece of some. But the Ice Cream Denier is the ultimate Hot Slut for knowing that when it comes to ice cream "sharing is not caring," sharing is stupid! I scream, you scream...keeping screaming, girl, cause you ain't gonna get any.
    The clip was everywhere on Sunday and yesterday, and turned everyone involved into overnight stars. I'm sure Cold Stone Creamery or Baskin-Robbins of Thrifty brand ice cream has already signed the Ice Cream Denier to be the face of their ice cream. They should, because dude is serious about ice cream. Whenever his girlfriend would try to get just a tiny spoonful, he'd wave it away without giving a damn. I bet that he had a full stache earlier in the day, but he knew he was going to have some delicious ice cream at the game so he shaved it off. He didn't want any of that deliciousness getting trapped in his stache. Dude doesn't even want to share his ice cream with his own facial hair. That Lincoln beard isn't a fashion statement, it's an ice-cream-eating tool.
    The Ice Cream-Hogger finally gave in and let his girlfriend have some, because I guess he didn't want to sleep on a futon mattress in the garage that night. But he is still a hero to us all.
    And here's the video of Chris Webber narrating the story of this thrilling love triangle:


    Chris Webber is also a HS for that Eddie Murphy reference. He said GOONIE GOO GOO!
    via Buzzfeed and Gawker

    Posted by: Michael K
    89 comments

    Hot Slut of the Day
    Gross, put it away. You could dress beautifully but you gotta be Miss Granny Panty Whore.
    ~Manx Mouse

    Life is a hell of a thing to happen to a person.

  11. #2261
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    ^that was hysterical!
    can't post pics because my computer's broken and i'm stupid

  12. #2262
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Well, I love my husband, but when it comes to ice cream all bets are off.
    OrangeSlice and Waterslide like this.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  13. #2263
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    Default The too long story of teaching Germans the meaning of "Bitch"

    Can't seem to work this blog thing. Anyway, here's what I sent immediately to my brother so I wouldn't forget -

    So, I took my dog to a German dog park. My female dog is a little touchy. She decided to over-zealously protect her hiney from a male dog who came sniffing. She basically wheeled around and slapped him. He jumped her. They rolled around in the dirt a while before breaking for neutral corners.

    Frau, the male dog owner, came marching quickly over to my side of the field, ein-zwei ein-zwei, with determination. Being embarrassed and constantly aware this is not my country, I went submissive with my humblest apologies, practically showed my belly and peed myself.

    Me - Mein hundin is ein bisschen beklopt. Es tut mir leid! (My dog is a little weird. I'm so sorry!)

    [The owner responded in English, hearing my terrible accent. This is the German way of showing that they know your language better than you can ever possibly know theirs. 'Tis true, but I'm making the fucking effort, no?] So -

    Frau - Yes your dog is very insecure and needs more training.

    [These Deutschies habitually see submission as an opportunity to correct you, grind the heel a little, not a moment to gracefully accept an apology.]

    Me - <bowing and scraping> No, no, she's just a bitch.

    Frau - What????

    Me - She's really a cranky old bitch.

    Frau - You shouldn't think of your dog like that!

    - Like what? She's a bitch.

    - This is the wrong way to address your dog! There must be respect! Your dog can feel this! This is why she has these problems, she can feeeeeel your attitude!

    - But she really is a BITCH!

    -You cannot call an animal a prostitute!

    -Prostitute? An animal can't BE a prostitute.

    -But you call her one!

    - No, she is actually a bitch, so I can call her one.

    [I here admit I was beginning to catch the problem but continued to play with Frau, because Frau deserved it for lecturing me about my dog and my attitude.]

    -But bitches are whores!

    -No, bitches are female dogs.

    - <pause> <blink> <blink> <pause> Was?

    - A female dog is called a bitch.

    -Was?

    -Like a female horse is called a mare. A female dog is a bitch.

    - <pause to recalculate> Ach! So there are two meanings!

    -No, there's only one meaning, female dog.

    -But it's a bad word!

    -Only when you call a human a bitch.

    -Humans and dogs are not the same so it has 2 meanings! <she's stamping her foot now>

    -Nope, only one that becomes an insult in a different context.

    <blink> <blink> - Ach! My English is not so good.

    Apparently not. She marched back to her corner, ein-zwei ein-zwei, which I call a retreat. Don't pick my dog and my language as your battlefield, bitch.

    After this, I asked every German friend if they know what "bitch" means. Only one did, and he reads a lot of US literature. The rest started argueing with me. My wonderful friend Sabine, who is so kind and throws great parties, was truly obnoxious about it -

    -Bitch means slut in German, nasty messy slut.

    - But it's an English word that means female dog.

    - It is our word, too, that means slut.

    - But I never hear Germans use it.

    -It doesn't matter. That is what we hear.

    - When you listen to English, right? So we own the definition.

    - Not in Germany.

    I felt the need for a gun and walked away. I like Sabina a lot.

    Now, trying to explain to them that "bitch" also has positive attributes, like the female dog that protects her own, simply does not compute. A bad word means something really bad, no context of friends calling each other "bitch" or a man giving a woman a compliment by calling her a "hot bitch" makes any sense to them. They HATE that English is full of context and subtlety.

    There is this unspoken attitude in Germans that English is a childish, unsophisticate version of German, that it needs modifications and improvements. That is why they make miserable students of English, and if I ever teach there again, it will only be to Turks and other immigrants.
    Last edited by olivia; March 21st, 2013 at 05:22 PM.
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  14. #2264
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    I love that story, Olivia. And having lived in austria, im familiar with german speakers' attitudes toward the english language. I feel like this is an appropriate time to post this:

    The European Commission

    The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-English".


    In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k", Which should klear up some konfusion and allow one key less on keyboards.


    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f", making words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.


    In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" is disgrasful.


    By the fourth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".


    During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and everivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI COM TRU!


    Herr Schmidt
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  15. #2265
    Elite Member CornFlakegrl's Avatar
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    haha! Love the story Olivia and Sput, that was the perfect post script.

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