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Thread: Random funny shit

  1. #1906
    Elite Member Waterslide's Avatar
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    I don't remember if I posted this before, but I thought this was kind of funny.

    Sunday, December 9th 2012 Hot Slut Of The Day!




    Finally, a Christmas song that speaks the truth. Santa Claus' official uniform is and will always be a brown cap and a sensible brown jacket. UPS man Ken Jones used his 15 minute break to let the children know through song that he's their Santa Claus, bitch. Santa Claus doesn't come down the chimney. Santa Claus drops the presents on your front door. If Santa Claus is the UPS man, then those motherfuckers who drive around and steal packages off porches are definitely the Grinch.
    So don't bother leaving milk and cookies and shit in front of the fireplace. Leave milk and cookies on your front door instead. Better yet, leave the real Santa Claus a special thank you gift in the form of detailed instructions on how to shoot a cell phone IN LANDSCAPE!
    via Vvv

    Posted by: Michael K
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    Hot Slut of the Day
    darksithbunny likes this.
    Gross, put it away. You could dress beautifully but you gotta be Miss Granny Panty Whore.
    ~Manx Mouse

    Life is a hell of a thing to happen to a person.

  2. #1907
    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Something to haunt your dreams:

  3. #1908
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Dear Santa,

    How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

    Merry Christmas,
    Timmy Jones
    * *

    Dear Timmy,

    Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play with.*

    Merry Christmas,*
    Santa Claus***
    * *

    Mr. Claus,

    Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?

    Respectfully,
    Tim Jones
    * *

    Mr. Jones,

    While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

    Very Truly Yours,
    S Claus
    * *

    Now look here Fat Man,

    I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespectin' me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we gonna be waitin' for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, DUDE!

    T-Bone
    * *

    Listen Pizza Face,

    Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people; If I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza pocket rolls all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

    S Clizzy
    * *

    Dear Santa,

    Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.

    Timmy
    * *

    Timmy,

    That’s what I thought you little bastard.

    Santa
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  4. #1909
    Elite Member roslyntaberfan's Avatar
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    That Arnie vid is terrifying!!!
    Last edited by roslyntaberfan; December 21st, 2012 at 05:59 PM. Reason: Messed up txt
    Rest in Peace my beautiful little Bonnie

    07/01/92 - 12/03/09

  5. #1910
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    T-Bone and S Clizzy - lmao

  6. #1911
    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greysfang View Post
    Dear Santa,

    How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

    Merry Christmas,
    Timmy Jones
    * *

    Dear Timmy,

    Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play with.*

    Merry Christmas,*
    Santa Claus***
    * *

    Mr. Claus,

    Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?

    Respectfully,
    Tim Jones
    * *

    Mr. Jones,

    While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

    Very Truly Yours,
    S Claus
    * *

    Now look here Fat Man,

    I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespectin' me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we gonna be waitin' for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, DUDE!

    T-Bone
    * *

    Listen Pizza Face,

    Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people; If I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza pocket rolls all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

    S Clizzy
    * *

    Dear Santa,

    Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.

    Timmy
    * *

    Timmy,

    That’s what I thought you little bastard.

    Santa
    Fucking hysterical! I LOVE this!
    See, Whores, we are good for something. Love, Florida
    #fingersinthebootyassbitch

  7. #1912
    Elite Member Kat Scorp's Avatar
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    Tiene razon, y gracias por su opinion. Now go fuck yourself.

  8. #1913
    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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    Interesting that he told his wife that he would be home by midnight and came home to his fiance, lol. Maybe that's the real reason it's hard to have a boy's night out when you are in a relationship.
    shedevilang and Kat Scorp like this.
    "Schadenfreude, hard to spell, easy to feel." ~VenusinFauxFurs

    "Scoffing is one of my main hobbies!" ~Trixie

  9. #1914
    Elite Member pinkbunnyslippers's Avatar
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    MohandasKGanja and Lalique like this.
    "Fashion is an art, but individuality is the key"

  10. #1915
    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    This is not funny (unless you are watching the batter's reaction), but kind of interesting. It's a knuckleball (type of baseball pitch) in flight. Look at the crazy trajectory it takes. A pitcher who can throw one (and there haven't been many) can have a longer career than a fast baller, because it puts less stress on the arm:


  11. #1916
    Elite Member pinkbunnyslippers's Avatar
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    I found this on Tomorrowland's Facebook page. It's kind of NSFW. Just look for it





















    MsChiff likes this.
    "Fashion is an art, but individuality is the key"

  12. #1917
    Elite Member Kat Scorp's Avatar
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    Is it the guy with his undies around his ankles?
    Tiene razon, y gracias por su opinion. Now go fuck yourself.

  13. #1918
    Elite Member Geest's Avatar
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    This is our fav video at the moment, Jack Bauer priceless


    Who's your suppplier? Where do you get your flour??
    Kat Scorp likes this.

  14. #1919
    Elite Member dowcat's Avatar
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    mjw and Kat Scorp like this.

    "Tão estranho carregar uma vida inteira no corpo, e ninguém suspeitar dos traumas, das quedas, dos medos, dos choros."
    Caio Fernando Abreu

  15. #1920
    DAP
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    I just can't.

    However, the Rubix cube and PJ's comment had be dying of laughter.
    Last edited by DAP; December 25th, 2012 at 09:32 PM.

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