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Thread: Marney's OCD Thanksgiving Letter

  1. #31
    Elite Member Lalique's Avatar
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    She's a real person?!? Damn, I thought this was an urban legend
    twitchy2.0 and hustle4alivin like this.
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  2. #32
    Elite Member hustle4alivin's Avatar
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    "Marney" is everything I expected and envisioned her to be.

  3. #33
    Elite Member BITTER's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by darksithbunny View Post
    This is why I gave up Thanksgiving with my family. Screw that shit. We just stay home, order Chinese, and then go to a movie.
    Vouch (are we even saying that anymore these days?).

    I'd rather go to someone else's house (non-family member) and watch all of their family drama unfold instead of mine.
    Beeyotch and hustle4alivin like this.
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  4. #34
    Elite Member Beeyotch's Avatar
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    This was the first year I had inklings of drama. I feel like that whole "as a married woman you must contribute at an adult level" vibe is getting stronger every year. I'm like, uh no, didn't sign up for that shit. And why do the men get off the hook for mooching, why shouldn't they be expected to contribute at an adult level as well? *grumblegrumble*

  5. #35
    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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    I know what you mean. It's such bullshit. However, I usually wind up making most if not all of the holiday arrangements for our family/extended family and I wind up being expected to do all of that and make twice as much as someone else because I'm a single adult and don't have the "family responsibilities" that keep certain other family members from contributing since I don't have a family and kids to eat up my budget and time. *cough* PITA *cough* So that's why I brought two large thermal totes of food and did the coffee and drinks and ate for one, while someone else brought two small casserole dishes and had five (actually seven this year) mouths to feed. But this year I sat on my ass after the meal with some cheesecake and the men in the family did all the dishes, cleaning up, packing up, chasing children, and rearranging of furniture. Yay for starting to plan Christmas now.
    hustle4alivin likes this.
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  6. #36
    Elite Member CornFlakegrl's Avatar
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    Marni cracked me up. She's clueless. If she were in my family, my holiday treat would be fucking with her.

  7. #37
    Elite Member BITTER's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beeyotch View Post
    This was the first year I had inklings of drama. I feel like that whole "as a married woman you must contribute at an adult level" vibe is getting stronger every year. I'm like, uh no, didn't sign up for that shit. And why do the men get off the hook for mooching, why shouldn't they be expected to contribute at an adult level as well? *grumblegrumble*
    They wouldn't get away with it on my mom's side of the family. My pop-pop (grandpa) would help cook at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and he'd have his sons make the sides while he tended to the turkey and the lamb.
    hustle4alivin likes this.
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  8. #38
    Elite Member ManxMouse's Avatar
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    woah, I'm wearing the EXACT SAME green sweater right now as she is in that video. Target, baby! [looks better on me]
    Santa is an elitist mother fucker -- giving expensive shit to rich kids and nothing to poor kids.

  9. #39
    Elite Member hustle4alivin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BITTER View Post
    They wouldn't get away with it on my mom's side of the family. My pop-pop (grandpa) would help cook at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and he'd have his sons make the sides while he tended to the turkey and the lamb.
    I ate with my aunt and uncle this year. Me and my aunt's son and stepson all cleaned the kitchen/washed the dishes/put the food up/made to-go plates.
    McJag likes this.

  10. #40
    Elite Member Trixie's Avatar
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    Reading that made me laugh again, and also reminded how much I don't miss those big family get-togethers. Even though that means I now do ALL the work/cooking myself.

    And I wonder if they're all still doing Thanksgiving at Marney's place...
    These people don't give a fuck about YOU or us. It's a message board, for Christ's sake. ~ mrs.v ~
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  11. #41
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    Well, I finally watched Marney's video. She really is what you'd expect, isn't she? I liked the fiddling with her glasses, the constant nodding of her head and the "i'd like to fucking kill you" stares! I also liked the "why so hard on the amy misto family" question. And she just nods and says "she's family............................................ .......................................love her".
    This Thanksgiving for me was the first one where I was expected to do the majority of the cooking. I did the turkey, the dressing, 2 casseroles, a pea salad, 2 desserts, gravy - and worse, I paid for every motherfucking THING! Well, let's just say that the dinner ran me about $400.00 and the one family that contributes financially, gave me $60.00. I am NOT a greedy person and I was thankful for the $60.00. I really thought my mom would get there earlier than she did.... she lives about 3 hours away, got off work and picked up my niece & nephew at noon. My cocksucking stepfather then proceeded to fuck around and primp and lolly-gag the fucking day away until fucking 6:00.... they didn't get to my house until nearly 9:00PM. Top that off with the fact that that sonofabitch was drunk when he got there... and he'd been driving my mother and my nieces & nephew across the fucking state in that state and we got off to a nasty little start. You all may NOT have noticed but I can be kinda cunty.

    When they finally get to my house, the FIRST thing that asshole did was to walk in, point his finger at MY DOG and pretend to shoot her! Let me assure you, this kind of behavior is not well received in the mood I was in. Had the man been sober, had he not expressed some nastiness towards my dog in the past and any other "house dog", I might not have told him "You don't fucking "play shoot" my dog, got it?". Then the grilling on "where is Snowflake" begins. I explain that his granddad has been sick and we aren't really expecting Granddad to be with them at this time next year. I kid you not, he says "wow, I hope it's not generic"... well, now I couldn't let that go so I say "no, I think it's a pretty specific TYPE of diabetes along with old age. type 2, I think." He looks at me as if I'm insane... so I explain the difference between "generic" and "genetic". After 30 minutes at my house, they move their ass on down to Stackhouse's because that is where they (mom and the asshole and the nieces) will be staying.

    Again, I’m an early riser – so my alarm went off at 4:00 AM on Thanksgiving Day. I get up, make coffee and start preparing dinner. Stackhouse had injected both our birds the day before and the birds were down at his place. So, I wait a while for everyone to get up…. Finally, at around 5:30 – 6:00, I send another brother down to grab the damn bird and bring it to me. My mom shows up at my place right after that. She and I visit and have coffee, etc. 30 minutes or so after Mom gets there, Stackhouse comes down for coffee – we are all fairly early risers… this does figure in to why my mother’s husband gets on my damn nerves! Stackhouse begins to tell my mom that fuckstick needs to get up so that he (Stackhouse) can get in his bathroom to brush his teeth & shower and such – Stackhouse gave up his master bed & bath to them. Around 9:00 or 10:00, (this shit sets my fucking teeth on edge!) my mom asks for a “to go” cup so she can bring coffee down to her husband because “he won’t get out of bed without it”… I simply explain to her that I think fire would get his ass out of bed a little quicker… and I give her the damn cup so she can go get him up… I also send rolls, casseroles & ham with my mother to throw in the oven while she’s at Stackhouse’s. My mother is a wonderful cook… she burned the rolls. IF I could figure out a way to blame her husband, I would! I think Stackhouse’s oven is a little off though, so I won’t.
    By the time I get down with the cooked bird, gravy, deserts, etc… the husband has made it to a couch.
    Stackhouse finally gets to shower at around 11:00… very few of us are amused at this time. At around noon, the kids are starving and whining and just riding on my LAST DAMN NERVE! We set up the food buffet style so that everyone can serve themselves. My mom & I fixed plates for the girls.. and then my mom fixed HIM a plate and brought it to him on the couch. I swear to JEBUS, I nearly threw up in my plate! It’s all I can do to choke my food down. Thankfully, my phone rings and it’s one of my other niece’s moms. Wants me to come pick up baby girl… Me and my mom and nephew go pick her up. We get back… fuckhead STILL on couch.

    A friend of mine came over and we all had a couple drinks (finally a sport the asshole participates in!!!) and hang out with the kiddos outside (shithead only drinks INSIDE cause it’s a chilly for him). My friend finally leaves and I go to my house with all 3 nieces and the nephew – they all want to spend the night at my house. My mom reminds me that we are getting up early because she needs to go shopping on Black Friday… Nephew takes Snowflake’s room (he’s off catching generic diabeetus!) and the girls all pile up on couches and chairs in the living room… I MAY have handed all of them a melatonin gummy… I only have to go yell at them eleventy times… at 12:30 (that’s AM if you’re wondering – after MIDNIGHT) I wake up to one of them damn girls crying… I go check it out, it’s exactly what you’d expect: snot, tears, “nobody won’t give me no room – take me to Mommy” (my mother raises this niece and she calls her “mommy”). It’s late, that’s not happening – you will get your skinny ass in Aunt Mel’s bed and you will shut up and sleep and I do mean NOW! No argument, climbs skinny ass in bed, snuffles off to sleep. At precisely 5:00 AM, my phone rings… it’s my mother “you up and ready?”… I was neither. I get out of bed, turn on closet light so as not to wake the crier, the light from the closet illuminates a second child who is laying directly in front of the bathroom. It’s Sissy/Sissy Boss/Baby Girl… I go pick her up and put her in my bed.
    ETA: skinny ass niece PISSED MY BED that night! And then, after I strip my bed and get sheets & everything in washer, washer goes out - full of water and clothes!

    Make coffee. Mom shows up early for Black Friday, not so much for Thanksgiving dinner prep! I quickly down almost a WHOLE cup of coffee before my mother drags me from the house. We shop and get it done quickly. That’s how I roll! We get back at around 10:00’ish. We go to my house and get another cup of coffee. She wants to bring the asshat coffee. Now, it’s important to note that they were supposed to head back to Louisiana once my mom got back from shopping… and her husband got his ass out of bed. The guys agreed to take Sissy/Sissy Boss/Baby Girl back to her mother, pick up a dresser and drop scraps off at a friend’s house for our pigs. It APPEARS that the stepfucker wants to go with them… now, we are also a family who likes to get IT done when IT needs to be/is supposed to be done. Stackhouse is a Virgo and shit MUST be done a certain way… Well, my mom goes in to nudge the fuck out of bed – they even made coffee at Stackhouse’s that day (I didn’t even know Stackhouse HAD coffee!) to enable the SOB to get UP! While they wait on dipshit, Stackhouse washes his truck, my car, the carport… Finally, dipshit comes out of the house (no angels sang)!!
    They leave. Mom and I clean up round 2 of Thanksgiving (might’ve been Round 3 at that point) dinner. Now, the guys left the house around noonish, I think. Mom and I have moved down to my place now. My friend calls and wants to come over. At this point, I require some libation. Friend brings beer – she gets there around 2:30’ish. Friend asks who wants drinks – me and mom both say “ME!”… well, we had a couple and the guys still hadn’t shown up and my little mind is spinning… See, mom rarely drinks so I’m going to really take advantage of this. Probably NOT just for my own funsies, should the truth be told! I say “hey, you guys want to go to the bar?”… My friend is all over that! Surprisingly, mom was up for it too! Now, lest you all think we’re neglectful, my nephew is 15 and the nieces are his 8 and 5 year old sisters.

    We go to the bar. I text Stackhouse to let him know that we “went on a beer run”… and where we were running for the beer. He says “be there in 25 minutes”. We were on bucket two when they got there… I could see that the husband wasn’t amused… So, by now it’s me, my friend J, my mom, 2 brothers, the stepshit, and 2 other friends… I think we ordered four or five more buckets before we said “lets get more beer and go home!”… so, my mom NEVER drinks so she is having a good time. She wants to dance on tables, her and Stackhouse nearly wore holes in the carpet from dancing, etc – she’s having a good time! And we encourage that! I tuck my mom in around 9:30, I think. I come out and the husband is saying “well, I think we all need to go to bed” – before we left the bar, we grabbed another friend .. and his guitar. We have been singing and drinking and aren’t ready to stop… so, we have the guy play on! After a while, I decide to go home.

    I wake up at 5:30 the next morning, get up, shower, make coffee… mom shows up at around 7:15, I think… Stackhouse follows at 7:25 or so. Before Stackhouse gets there, my mom told me that her husband wakes her up at 12:30 to tell her to go find his cigarettes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My mom doesn’t smoke, never HAS… I say “you didn’t go get them, did you?” she says “I went and got him a new pack, I wasn’t gonna look around for the open ones.”. I say “I’d have reached over and choked him to death”. She says “well, he asked me when I got back if he had some open ones and I said “how the fuck should I KNOW? I don’t smoke them!”. She said he THEN started in on her about going to the bar with me and my friend. She informs him that he “drinks every damn day so what does it matter if I went to a bar, ONE TIME, with my daughter?”… he THEN starts in about how much money she spent shopping. Now, keep in mind that between the two of them, they have 22 grandchildren. She managed to buy for 20 of them for around $600.00, I think. She did really good and got all of the kids’ stuff they will like and can use! He tells her that they are going home as soon as he wakes up in the morning… laughable, really because (as my nephew said) that just means they’ll leave around 1:00 PM.

    I stew on this latest annoyance until I can’t take it anymore and I know I need to try to be gone when he gets up. So, I go down to Stackhouse’s and tell my mom I’m going grocery shopping and that I’ll see her next time if they are gone when I get back. I deliberately spend about 2 hours shopping. I get back at around noon or so and they are still there. SHIT! I stay at my house and start cooking dinner. They eventually stop by my house to say “bye”. My mom comes in and hugs me and I walk her outside, she asks me if I’m coming to their house for Christmas and I say “no, I don’t go anywhere my dog ain’t welcome. Love you, bye!!”

    THAT’S a family drama manifesto!!!!
    If my mom ever finds this, I'm DEAD!
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(•_•)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  12. #42
    Elite Member CornFlakegrl's Avatar
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    Goddamn Mel. We just ate turkey and watched football.

  13. #43
    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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    Mel wins. Hands down.
    "Schadenfreude, hard to spell, easy to feel." ~VenusinFauxFurs

    "Scoffing is one of my main hobbies!" ~Trixie

  14. #44
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mel1973 View Post
    You all may NOT have noticed but I can be kinda cunty.
    you hide it well.
    As Canadian as possible under the circumstances

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    "What's traitors, precious?" -- President Gollum

  15. #45
    Elite Member Trixie's Avatar
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    What a heartwarming holiday story! Thanks!
    These people don't give a fuck about YOU or us. It's a message board, for Christ's sake. ~ mrs.v ~
    ~"Fuck off! Aim higher! Get a life! Get away from me!" ~the lovely and talented Miss Julia Roberts~



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