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Thread: *How to poop at work *

  1. #61
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheMoog View Post
    Be careful, Buttmunch!

    In UK this means a gay man
    In that case, I have never turd burgled anyone in the bathroom at work...
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  2. #62
    Elite Member ariesallover's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pacific breeze View Post
    I don't understand all the issues around adults going to the bathroom and having a bowel movement. It's a perfectly normal bodily function. As far as I know, EVERYBODY does it.
    I know, yet the first few times I use the bathroom at the home of a new person I'm dating...I'd rather go home honestly. Issues, I know. Years ago, a relatively new bf caught on and said to me, "Use the airspray I just bought if you do a doodle."

  3. #63
    Elite Member TheMoog's Avatar
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    Is there a term for the following situation, I wonder?

    ......when you go into the bathroom at work and someone has left it rather.....uhh....FRAGRANT......and you hope you can have a quick pee and get out in time before someone else arrives and blames you for someone else's stink???
    Fame is like a river, that beareth up things light and swollen, and drowns things weighty and solid - Francis Bacon

  4. #64
    Elite Member MrsMarsters's Avatar
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    ^^ LMAO..I wondered the same thing. I use too always have this problem in Jr. High, and Highschool, so I'd have too explain to the teacher or my friend why I would take 10 min trips to the bathroom. Now I really don't care, but I make sure to do the courtesy flush a few times, and spray.

  5. #65
    Elite Member Palermo's Avatar
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    "Um, I have been known to become constipated while travelling because I have a hard time pooping in a hotel room, with my husband right outside. I do better if there is a loud fan in the bathroom, especially the kind that automatically comes on when you flip the light switch. I love those."

    If you have issues, then I do too. I can't stand doing it with anybody right outside, including husband. Thank God for multiple bathrooms at home

  6. #66
    Elite Member Palermo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by southernbelle View Post
    A good trick if you are in an emergency situation (like in a hotel room with other people or at someone else's house) and you have to go #2 is to turn on the hot water in the sink and squirt some liquid soap, shampoo, or body wash (really whatever is available) into it before you sit down on the toilet.

    Let the sink run the entire time you are using the restroom. When the water in the sink hits the soap that you've put in, it creates a ton of suds and a pleasant aroma that masks the smell of poop. Combined with the "Courtesy Flush," there will be almost no odor. The sound of the water (especially if you run the water in the bathtub as well as the sink) also covers up any accidental noises that may occur.
    Wouldn't people wonder why you are running a bath while you're at their house?

  7. #67
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheMoog View Post
    Is there a term for the following situation, I wonder?

    ......when you go into the bathroom at work and someone has left it rather.....uhh....FRAGRANT......and you hope you can have a quick pee and get out in time before someone else arrives and blames you for someone else's stink???
    Oh and if you say "I didn't do that" you automatically become the office "shitter"?
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  8. #68
    Elite Member TheMoog's Avatar
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    ^^^^ Lol!
    Fame is like a river, that beareth up things light and swollen, and drowns things weighty and solid - Francis Bacon

  9. #69
    Elite Member sweetness's Avatar
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    *CROP DUSTING
    When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

    This reminds me of something that happened recently with my 9 year old-- she thinks farting is hilarious. I try not to make a big deal of it (it only worsens the problem ), but she loves to poot in public. Anyway, she had some really bad gas while we were grocery shopping and kept letting them fly while standing right next to me. I scolded her and said, "At least stand away from me when you do it, so people won't think I did it!!" I look up and notice she's not there, but far away at the other end of the aisle, right next to some other poor woman. I gave her the *look* and she busted out laughing and ran off!!

    I keep telling her she needs to act more like a young lady, but the child thoroughly enjoys eating beans and deviled eggs just for the powerful farts! She'll say, "But Mama, I was just blowing you a kiss!"

    Oh, the stories I'll have to use against her when she's older and gets a boyfriend.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
    A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will oftensee an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper ormagazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of TheCloset Pooper before entering the bathroom.

    I used to work with this guy who had the WORST smelling crap ever.... not that any of it smells good, but his was bad. I worked up front as the receptionist, right by the bathroom. Without fail, every single day he would go in there and stink it up to high heaven.... it would not only stink up the bathroom, but the entire reception/waiting area! I would be so embarassed when clients would come in.

    Turns out that when they were remodelling the office, they discovered that the idiot who had installed the exhaust fan had the thing turning the wrong way! So instead of sucking up the stink it was blowing it out!!


    Quote Originally Posted by TheMoog View Post
    Be careful, Buttmunch!

    In UK this means a gay man

  10. #70
    Elite Member ManxMouse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ariesallover View Post
    I Years ago, a relatively new bf caught on and said to me, "Use the airspray I just bought if you do a doodle."

    Saying "if you do a doodle" would have constituted grounds for an immediate breakup.

  11. #71
    Elite Member sweetness's Avatar
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    ^^

  12. #72
    Elite Member TheMoog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sweetness View Post
    *CROP DUSTING
    When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

    This reminds me of something that happened recently with my 9 year old-- she thinks farting is hilarious. I try not to make a big deal of it (it only worsens the problem ), but she loves to poot in public. Anyway, she had some really bad gas while we were grocery shopping and kept letting them fly while standing right next to me. I scolded her and said, "At least stand away from me when you do it, so people won't think I did it!!" I look up and notice she's not there, but far away at the other end of the aisle, right next to some other poor woman. I gave her the *look* and she busted out laughing and ran off!!

    I keep telling her she needs to act more like a young lady, but the child thoroughly enjoys eating beans and deviled eggs just for the powerful farts! She'll say, "But Mama, I was just blowing you a kiss!"

    Oh, the stories I'll have to use against her when she's older and gets a boyfriend.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
    A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will oftensee an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper ormagazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of TheCloset Pooper before entering the bathroom.

    I used to work with this guy who had the WORST smelling crap ever.... not that any of it smells good, but his was bad. I worked up front as the receptionist, right by the bathroom. Without fail, every single day he would go in there and stink it up to high heaven.... it would not only stink up the bathroom, but the entire reception/waiting area! I would be so embarassed when clients would come in.

    Turns out that when they were remodelling the office, they discovered that the idiot who had installed the exhaust fan had the thing turning the wrong way! So instead of sucking up the stink it was blowing it out!!



    to your whole post. Great stories!!!!!!!
    Fame is like a river, that beareth up things light and swollen, and drowns things weighty and solid - Francis Bacon

  13. #73
    Elite Member sweetness's Avatar
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    ^^ Thanks Moogie!!

    I wouldn't normally shame my girl like that, but apparently she isn't embarassed by it at all.

  14. #74
    Elite Member Chilly Willy's Avatar
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    I never poop anywhere else but at home. I'd rather explode. But sometimes there are emergencies.

    So at my old job I came up with an idea that was PURE genius. On the third floor there was IT and IT only. Soooo that means one thing for sure: The ladies room was so deserted, there was tumbleweed flying around. Up there you were able to take a dump while reading the paper for as long as you wanted. No one ever came by.

  15. #75
    Elite Member missbazilb's Avatar
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    A girl I knew had a boyfriend who lived in the same neighbourhood as her best friend. She'd go to her girlfriend's house to poop, rather than do it at her boyfriend's.

    Our bathroom door lock doesn't work, but my assumption is that if the door is closed and the fan is on, a poop is being taken. What does hubby do? Walks in, "whatcha doin?" Are you kidding me? Get the fuck out! What do you think I'm doing?

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