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Thread: FMYLIFE.com

  1. #31
    Hit By Ban Bus! AliceInWonderland's Avatar
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    um didnt i already post about a site like this? they're fucking funny though, i want to submit something myself

    I'm laid off and feel like a total loser, FUCK MY LIFE!

  2. #32
    Elite Member MrsMarsters's Avatar
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    ^Well then you are like millions of other people..haha well at least you don't have 14 kids, and use welfare money to get your nails done.

  3. #33
    Hit By Ban Bus! AliceInWonderland's Avatar
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    i know i know i know, it could be a lot worse. you're right, i dont have kids or a mortgage....but i feel like a loser. i've been working since i was 16 and right now my life has no direction, idk, its stupid but thats how this loser feels.


    sorry to hijack Penny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  5. #35
    Elite Member yanna's Avatar
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    Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML
    Shit, I'm sitting at work trying to disguise a laughing fit here. Tears streaming down my cheeks, this is hilarious! I love this site!

  6. #36
    Hit By Ban Bus! AliceInWonderland's Avatar
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    ^ thats just wrong

  7. #37
    Elite Member Sweetie's Avatar
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    "Today, my 63 year old neighbor jumped out of his window... I was the first to find him alive, naked and stuck in a bush... I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance to rescue him... he was my landlord.



    Today, I ate at a friends house. Her 5 year old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly!" When my friend came back, I told her what had happened; she told him off briefly and then the boy began to cry, shouting, "But she isn't pretty!"


  8. #38
    Elite Member Penny Lane's Avatar
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    Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

    Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she randomly asked me "does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked "does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

    Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML

    Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

    Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

    Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML

  9. #39
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML


    I've heard of this and am just thankful ... of all the things to have to go to the school about. Although, my last baby sitter did tell me that the bus driver's daughter was a masturbater at 3 years old ...
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  10. #40
    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
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    Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

  11. #41
    Elite Member Rondette's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mel1973 View Post
    Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
    .
    There was a girl in my class at infant school that used to do that with table corners. It wasn't until I was alot older I realised what she was up to, then felt slightly icky.

    She got pregnant by a 40ish year old bloke when she was 15. It made the local paper! Ome of those very highly sexed girls, I guess.

  12. #42
    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rondette View Post
    There was a girl in my class at infant school that used to do that with table corners. It wasn't until I was alot older I realised what she was up to, then felt slightly icky.

    She got pregnant by a 40ish year old bloke when she was 15. It made the local paper! Ome of those very highly sexed girls, I guess.
    She should've just stuck to masturbation.
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

  13. #43
    Elite Member LaFolie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rondette View Post
    There was a girl in my class at infant school that used to do that with table corners. It wasn't until I was alot older I realised what she was up to, then felt slightly icky.

    She got pregnant by a 40ish year old bloke when she was 15. It made the local paper! Ome of those very highly sexed girls, I guess.
    TMI... I did that, but only home alone...
    I don't want to perish like a fading horse - best lyric ever

  14. #44
    Elite Member burnt_toast's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LaFolie View Post
    TMI... I did that, but only home alone...
    me too

  15. #45
    Elite Member MrsMarsters's Avatar
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    Hm, I did it too, well not to the desk, but by just rubbing my legs..together..ok anyway. WHAT, I WAS 5?!!

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