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Thread: FMYLIFE.com

  1. #1
    Elite Member Penny Lane's Avatar
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    Default FMYLIFE.com

    Pretty enjoyable to read about how other peoples lives suck... even if some of them seem made up.

    "Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML"

    "Today, I was sitting in a restaurant with my best friend. We had just competed in a pageant together earlier this month. A lady comes up to my friend who got first alternate and said,"You were robbed of that title. You deserved to win. I hated the winner." I was the winner. FML"

    "Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask this really cute girl out I've had a crush on for over eight months. Turns out she isn't a girl. FML"

    "Today, I came home early from work to surprise my son with a new mountain bike for his birthday. To keep it a surprise I carried it quietly up to his bedroom. As I opened the door I heard my son say "Oh man, you're gonna make me cum" to the nice girl he was on top of. He just turned 14. FML"

    "Today, I found out that I am 14 weeks pregnant. The father of the baby is now engaged to my best friend, whom he was cheating on me with when I became pregnant. I'm going to be the maid of honor, 8 months pregnant with his child, at their wedding. FML"

    "Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML"

    "Today, I bragged to a coworker that our boss compliments me constantly on my work performance, my fashion sense, and my trustworthiness. She then directed me to a "neighborhood watch" website. My boss is a registered sex offender. FML"

    "Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML"

    "Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML"

    F*** My Life - FML : Your everyday life stories.

    So entertaining when you're bored. The comments are pretty funny, too.

  2. #2
    Elite Member chartreuse's Avatar
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    omfg, those are classic! new cool website alert...thanks penny!
    white, black, puerto rican/everybody just a freakin'/good times were rollin'.


  3. #3
    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Oh My.
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

  4. #4
    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
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    "Today, I found out that I am 14 weeks pregnant. The father of the baby is now engaged to my best friend, whom he was cheating on me with when I became pregnant. I'm going to be the maid of honor, 8 months pregnant with his child, at their wedding. FML"
    I know a girl who got pregnant under the same circumstances, except it was her Aunt's husband. Yeah, talk about awkward. I really didn't want to know the details.

    "Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML"
    LMFAO I'd be surprised if someone actually gave him a ride. That made me LOL.

    Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML"
    I'm inclined to believe this story, because I've met people that have been through this. Sadly, there is no shortage of mothers just like hers that would see no problem dropping their daughter off at her other daughter's boyfriend's house. It's disgusting and trashy.
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

  5. #5
    Elite Member msdeb's Avatar
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    those are great! kids!
    Basic rule of Gossip Rocks: Don't be a dick.Tati
    Lighten Up Francis WCG

  6. #6
    Elite Member Penny Lane's Avatar
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    Here are some more.. seriously, these make me feel so much better about my life

    "Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating oner. I felt really guilty because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML"

    "Today, my mom called me and told me i got accepted to my first choice college. I got really excited and asked her to read me the letter. As she started to read the letter she said, ooops...nevermind. FML"

    "Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML"


    "Today, my fiance's divorce was finalized. To celebrate, we went out to dinner at this expensive restaurant. After dinner, he goes to the restroom. A couple minutes later, the check comes with a note saying: "Thanks! Gonna enjoy bachelor life. It's over." Left me with the $200 bill. He drove. FML"


    "Today, I got a letter from my college saying that if my tuition was not paid in the next 24 hours, I will be terminated from classes. Turns out account services has been depositing my tuition money in another student’s account whose social security number was one digit different from mine. FML"


    "Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML"


    "Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML"


    "Today, I went to visit my fiance's dying grandmother in the hospital with him. She started talking to us about living each day to the fullest. His grandmother points to me and says, "Life is short. That's why you don't waste any time screwing girls who look like that." FML"


    "Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML"

  7. #7
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    some of that shit could really push you to the verge...
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(•_•)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  8. #8
    Elite Member TheONe's Avatar
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    I love that website....been reading it for a little while now.
    "My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat your children. Praise be to Allah." TEAM MILEY!!

  9. #9
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    "Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML"

    HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA win
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

  10. #10
    Elite Member Moongirl's Avatar
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    "Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML"
    Nor do I; anyone care to explain?

  11. #11
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    A pearl necklace is a slang term referring to a sexual act in which a man ejaculates semen on or near the neck, chest or breast of another person. It can be done following mammary intercourse or oral sex. The result is said by some to look like a necklace of pearls because of the stringy translucent white clumps of semen that are deposited there.[2]
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

  12. #12
    Elite Member Sweetie's Avatar
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    "Today, I went to visit my fiance's dying grandmother in the hospital with him. She started talking to us about living each day to the fullest. His grandmother points to me and says, "Life is short. That's why you don't waste any time screwing girls who look like that." FML"


    That is SO funny!

    Thanks for posting, Penny!

  13. #13
    Elite Member taymarie's Avatar
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    ^^^ It's when a guy cums on your neck and chest area. It looks like a pearl necklace.


    These are hilarious!!!

  14. #14
    Elite Member Moongirl's Avatar
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    Thanks, this site is so educational sometimes!

  15. #15
    Elite Member DeChayz's Avatar
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    "Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML"
    I feel like an evil bitch, because this one literally made me laugh out loud

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