Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Smart arse answers

  1. #1
    Elite Member DontMindMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    6,505

    Default Smart arse answers

    The last one is a worthy winner.

    6th Place
    It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

    'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
    'What are my choices?' the man asked.

    'Yes or no,' she replied.




    5th Place

    A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

    As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

    Without blinking an eyelid she said,

    'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'



    4th Place

    A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

    She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

    The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not, they're dead.'





    3rd Place
    The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.
    'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.

    The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
    When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.




    2nd Place
    A lorry driver was driving along on a country road.
    A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.'
    Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.

    Cars are backed up for miles.

    Finally, a police car comes up.
    The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab

    And said to the driver,
    'Got stuck, eh?

    The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'





    SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007
    A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
    'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
    I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

    A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,

    ['What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

    The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

    When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,

    'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.
    President Barack Obama
    Sounds amazing, doesn't it?

  2. #2
    Elite Member chartreuse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    the salad bowl
    Posts
    6,410

    Default

    i like the 3rd place winner. it reminds me of an ex-coworker of mine who got pulled over going 90+ and got out of a ticket when she made the cop laugh by pointing to her speedometer & innocently saying "officer, if my car wasn't meant to go that fast, those numbers wouldn't be there."
    white, black, puerto rican/everybody just a freakin'/good times were rollin'.


  3. #3
    Elite Member msdeb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    in a van down by the river
    Posts
    39,431

    Default

    i like the 2nd one!
    Basic rule of Gossip Rocks: Don't be a dick.Tati
    Lighten Up Francis WCG

  4. #4
    Elite Member Mariesoleil's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Canada baby!
    Posts
    6,904

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DontMindMe View Post


    3rd Place
    The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.
    'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.

    The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
    When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


    I love this one.
    "Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counsellors, and the most patient of teachers."

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Possible Blind Item answers
    By pusssykatt in forum Blind Items
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: July 13th, 2008, 03:57 PM
  2. Creative math answers
    By *Kat* in forum Laughs and Oddities
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: February 15th, 2008, 07:59 PM
  3. Smart, smart starlings
    By Pippin in forum Pets and Animals
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: October 5th, 2007, 12:25 PM
  4. Replies: 7
    Last Post: June 5th, 2007, 03:24 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •