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Thread: 2008 Darwin Awards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  1. #1
    Hit By Ban Bus! AliceInWonderland's Avatar
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    Exclamation 2008 Darwin Awards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You've been waiting for them, so without further ado here are the 2008 Darwin awards.





    Eighth Place





    In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.



    Seventh Place



    A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.



    Sixth Place

    While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it t collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.


    Fifth Place



    Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.


    Fourth Place



    Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.



    Third Place




    After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store.



    The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.


    Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.



    HONORABLE MENTION


    Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.


    RUNNER UP


    Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.




    Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

    AND THE WINNER IS...



    Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.

    Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
    It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves.. 'Shit happens'.



    THEY WALK AMOUNG US....


    IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.



    *notice they're all men

  2. #2
    Elite Member Sweetie's Avatar
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    LOL! These are great.
    Fifth place made me cringe. That had to hurt.
    Second place made me cringe even more. Oh the pain.

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    Elite Member twitchy's Avatar
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    "The howling backwoods that is IMDB is where film criticism goes to die (and then have its corpse gang-raped, called a racist, and accused of supporting Al-Qaeda)" ----Sean O'Neal, The Onion AV Club

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    Hit By Ban Bus! AliceInWonderland's Avatar
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    ^ i was waiting for that Twitch

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    Elite Member twitchy's Avatar
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    2008 isn't over yet! We still have plenty of time for people to remove themselves from the gene pool in spectacular fashion.

    "The howling backwoods that is IMDB is where film criticism goes to die (and then have its corpse gang-raped, called a racist, and accused of supporting Al-Qaeda)" ----Sean O'Neal, The Onion AV Club

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    Hit By Ban Bus! AliceInWonderland's Avatar
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    *burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp* yeah

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    Elite Member Laxmobster's Avatar
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    I love the Darwin awards. My favorite was over 10 years ago when some guys at a metal concert put their car in reverse in stead of drive, went through the fence and down about 40ft into a tree. Upon opening the passenger doors, the driver fell out and landed on a briar patch with a thorny branch lodged in his rectal cavity.

    Like Twitchy said, the year is only half way through...
    Quote Originally Posted by Celestial View Post
    I also choose to believe the rumors because I am, when it is all said and done, a dirty gossip.

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    Elite Member Moongirl's Avatar
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    I'd say this person almost qualifies:

    MSNBC.com


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Woman stabs self during Wiccan ritual Accident happens during good-luck ritual
    The Associated Press
    updated 3:24 p.m. PT, Tues., July. 22, 2008
    LEBANON, Ind. - A woman accidentally stabbed herself in the foot with a 3-foot-long sword while performing a Wiccan good luck ritual at a cemetery in central Indiana.

    Katherine Gunther, 36, of Lebanon, pierced her left foot with the sword while performing the rite at Oak Hill Cemetery, police said.

    Gunther said she was performing the ceremony to give thanks for a recent run of good luck. The ceremony involves the use of candles, incense and driving swords into the ground during the full moon.

    Gunther said was aiming to put the sword in the ground, but hit her foot instead.

    "It wasn't the first time I performed the ritual, but it was the first time I put a sword through my foot," she said.

    Gunther immediately pulled the sword out of her foot, and her companions took her to Witham Memorial Hospital, where she was kept a couple days for treatment.

    No charges were filed, police said. The Wiccans were warned that being in the cemetery in the city about 20 miles northwest of Indianapolis after posted visiting hours constitutes trespassing.

    Wicca is a nature-based religion based on respect for the earth, nature and the cycle of the seasons.


    Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
    URL: Woman stabs self during Wiccan ritual - Weird news - MSNBC.com


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    MSN Privacy . Legal
    2008 MSNBC.com
    I guess her good luck ran out...

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    Elite Member twitchy's Avatar
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    I loved that! Surely she should get an honourable mention?

    "The howling backwoods that is IMDB is where film criticism goes to die (and then have its corpse gang-raped, called a racist, and accused of supporting Al-Qaeda)" ----Sean O'Neal, The Onion AV Club

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  11. #11
    Hit By Ban Bus! AliceInWonderland's Avatar
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    im a witch too so i should be laughing but oh well

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