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Reply With QuoteThose are a hoot!
Those are a hoot!
I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West
Wow...I found some inspiration. I might go home tonight and try my best to top some of these so I can make that freaking list! Hilarious!
some of those are so funny
I love looking at the best of lists on there. They are hysterical. I think we found a space ship once...why are you selling a space ship on CL?
Actually, this one is better...
To my neighbor who I saw pooping in his yard yesterday - w4m
Date: 2008-06-05, 2:52PM EDT
I saw you couched down with your pants around your ankles. I asked "Hey, what are you doing?". Your reply was "Pooping in a groundhog hole! I read about it online. It's suppose to trick the groundhog into thinking another animal has moved into it's lair.".
Since you are normally a sane person I refrained from calling the police.
^^^ i saw that one, and thought, oh great, do i live near them!
Well, the whore apples sure didn't fall far from the whore tree. Sylkyn
I fucking love these... my new favorites are "Josh I'm pregnant" and this one
Originally Posted: Thu, 19 Jun 15:59 CDT
Your Pets Will Not Be Flagged For Removal By Jesus During the Rapture
Date: 2008-06-19, 3:59PM CDT
FLAGGERS: Over half the United States population has legitimate concerns about what will happen to their pets after the rapture occurs. Please respect their faith and allow this service to remain posted, just as the waste removal and grooming posts remain posted. Again, over half of the US population feels that this is a concern to them. If there is a specific problem with the ad, please email me. Thank you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"No one knows when that day or hour will come. Even the angels in heaven and the Son don't know. Only the Father knows."
(Matthew 24:36)
"For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord."
(1 Thessalonians 4:15–17)
Have you ever thought about what will happen to your pets after Jesus comes back to claim the souls of the saved during the Rapture and deliver them to heaven to enjoy ever lasting life? The bible clearly teaches that only those that have accepted Jesus as their savior will enter heaven (John 14:6, Romans 3:23), and we all know that pets do not have the cognitive ability to do this, so what will happen to your beloved pets? Surely without you there, they would be stuck inside your empty house, starving to death with no one to feed them, let them out to potty, or clean their litter box. This is probably not what you envision for your pets after you are gone. This is where I come in.
I am here to offer you pet care service for after the rapture. As an atheist, I will surely still be here on this earth post rapture and would love to look after your pets for a small fee and make sure they are still well taken care of after you and your family have been raptured. You will be able to look down on them from heaven and see them being well cared for by me and living happy, healthy lives. Do not let my atheism scare you! I am a moral and loving pet owner and would never do harm to any animal.
For a small deposit of only $50, you can be assured that your pets will be well cared for from the time that you are raptured until the end of their natural life. They will get adequate amounts of food, water, and shelter as well as plenty of exercise and socialization as I would imagine there will be a lot of pets that will be abandoned by Jesus the pet hater that will need to be cared for.
If interested, please email me for my PayPal address (you can also send me a check if you prefer) so you can assure that your pets will be taken care of after Jesus comes to take your soul to heaven. $50 is only a small price to pay to know that while you are enjoying everlasting bliss, your pets will be cared for until their end days. Thanks and have a great day!
Please do not flag this ad. It is very serious.
PostingID: 725674463
- Location: Kansas City
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Copyright © 2008 craigslist, inc. terms of use privacy policy feedback forum
KILLING ME WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GOD DAMNED HONEY!!!!!!!!!!
Come on, let's have lots of drinks.
jesus fuck, im doing that in my neighborhood. What a way to make scads of cash off of retards!
I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.
I thought of you when I read it.
KILLING ME WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GOD DAMNED HONEY!!!!!!!!!!
Come on, let's have lots of drinks.
I thought of Grimm too
I want this job!
Date: 2008-05-07, 2:49PM PDT
I've been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I'm 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good job in insurance. But somethings missing. I feel like I'm old before my time. I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too late. I need a challenge, something to get the adrenaline pumping again. An addiction would be nice, but, in short, I need a nemesis. I'm willing to pay $350 up front for you services as an arch enemy over the next six months. Nothing crazy. Steal my parking space, knock my coffee over, trip me when Im running to catch the BART and occasionaly whisper in my ear, "Ahha, we meet again". That kind of thing. Just keep me on my toes. Complacency will be the death of me. You need to have an evil streak and be blessed with innate guile and cunning. You should also be adept at inconsicuous pursuit. Evil laugh preferred. Send me a photo and a brief explanation why you would be a good nemesis.
British accent preferred.
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: $350 up front
This one made me cry:
AN ANGEL IN THE POST OFFICE
Date: 2007-11-23, 10:55PM MST
This is one of the kindest things I've ever experienced. I have no way to know who sent it, but there is a kind soul working in the dead letter office of the US postal service. Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so she dictated these words:
Dear God, Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick. I hope you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and to swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her you will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.
Love, Meredith.
We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.
Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, 'To Meredith' in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, 'When a Pet Dies.' Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:
Dear Meredith,
Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help. I recognized Abbey right away. Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in, so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by. Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I am wherever there is love.
Love, God
I want that job, too.
The pet one made me sad in a good way.
KILLING ME WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GOD DAMNED HONEY!!!!!!!!!!
Come on, let's have lots of drinks.
I love that people are posting their favs here. Fanks!
"I ransacked his drawers when he left me by myself at his place for the first time. That's how we did it in the good old days. Tells me all I need to know about him. He pretends he didn't notice. That's how good relationships start." - Chilly Willy
OMG, the one about the 'signed copy' of Plato's Republic!
"Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck." - Joss Whedon
"The only thing more expensive than education is ignorance." -Benjamin Franklin
This one made me lol:
My soul for original recipe 20 pc bucket
Date: 2008-05-31, 7:34AM MDT
hey, i'm really broke and i'm craving some kfc tonight.
in exchange i will write a pact for my soul with my own blood and sign it.
i figure i'm going to hell anyways so at least whatever you did with my eternal soul wouldn't be so bad. plus i get fried chicken out of it!
ps. this is serious.
pss. if i could get some coleslaw too that'd be awesome.
PostingID: 702157143
- Location: downtown
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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