* Was this man made?
* Do you light it up at night?
* Is the mule train air conditioned?
* So where are the faces of the presidents?
EVERGLADES NATIONAL PARK:
* Are the alligators real?
* Are the baby alligators for sale?
* Where are all the rides?
* What time does the 2 o'clock bus leave?
MESA VERDE NATIONAL PARK:
* Did people build this, or did Indians?
* Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
* Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?
* What did they worship in the kivas - their own made up religion?
* Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?
CARLSBAD CAVERNS NATIONAL PARK:
* How much of the cave is underground?
* So what's in the unexplored part of the cave?
* So what is this - just a hole in the ground?
YOSEMITE NATIONAL PARK:
* Where are the cages for the animals?
* What time of year do they turn on Yosemite Falls?
* What happened to the other half of Half Dome?
YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK:
* Does Old Faithful erupt at night?
* How do you turn it on?
* When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?
* We had no trouble finding the park entrance but where are the exits?
DENALI NATIONAL PARK:
* What's so wonderful about Wonder Lake?
* How much does Mount McKinley weigh?
* What time do you feed the bears?
* How often do you mow the tundra?
Actual questions asked on cruise ships.........
"Does the crew sleep on board?"
"How far above sea level are we?"
"Is the island surrounded by water?"
"Are all Caribbean islands the same size?"
"How does the captain know which port to go to?"
"Can we get off in the Panama Canal?"
"Does the ship generate its own electricity?"
"Does the elevator go up as well as down?"
"Why is the sauna so hot?"
"Are there two seetings at the midnight buffet?"
"Do we have to stay up until midnight to change our clocks?"
"Does the chef cook himself?"
"What happens to the ice sculptures after they melt?"
"How many fjords to the dollar?"
"What time's the 2 o'clock tour?"
"Where's the bus for the walking tour?"
"Can you see the equator from the deck?"
"Does the ship dock in the middle of town?"
"I'm married, but can I come to the single's party?"
"How many knots does the ship go to the gallon?"
"Does the island float?"
"Do you send the laundry ashore?"
"Do these stairs go up as well as down?"
"Why is it my 3-year old can wear shorts but I can't?"
"Do we have to eat dinner at both seatings?"
"I know that ships often serve smoked salmon, but I am a non-smoker"
"Can the iced tea be served hot?"
"Can you please change this spoon for a fork? I've already got five spoons."
"Why can't the late-night show be in the morning?"
"Do we have to leave the ship to go on the tour?"
"Does the helicopter tour leave from the upper deck?"
"Will we have time to take the shore excursion?"
"If I don't buy a shore excursion, am I allowed off in port?"
"Are the entertainers paid?"
"Why aren't the dancers fully dressed?"
"How do we know which photos are ours?"
"Will the ship wait for the tour buses to come back?"
"Will I get wet if I go snorkeling?"
"Is the doctor qualified?"
"Who's driving the ship if the captain is at the cocktail party?"
"Does the sun always rise on the left side of the ship?"
"Is trapshooting always held outside?"
"Should I put my luggage ourside the cabin before or after I go to sleep?"
"Does the outside cabin mean it's outside the ship?"
"Is that the same moon we see at home?"
"Why did the Greeks build so many ruins?"
"Windsor Castle is beautiful, but why did they build it so close to the airport?"
"Are the glaciers always there?"
"Where is the good shopping in Antarctica?"
"Was the fish caught this morning by the crew?"
"Can you tell me what time the volcano will erupt? I want to be sure to take a photograph."
Passenger: "What is caviar?"
Waiter: "Fish eggs, sir"
Passenger: "In that case, I'll have two, over-easy!"
"England? Can you get there by train?" -- Asked of an English tourist in the United States.
"England? That's in London, isn't it?" -- Asked of an English tourist in the United States.
"England? That's near Paris, the city of love!" -- Asked of an English tourist in the United States.
"Do they have beer there?" -- Asked of an English tourist in a bar in the United States.
"So, you guys are from Ireland -- did you drive across?" -- Asked of two Irish women on a trip to Delaware.
"Do they have pianos in Ireland?" -- Asked of an Irish tourist in the United States.
"Do you jog around the island before breakfast?" -- Asked of an Irish tourist in the United States.
"You're from New Zealand, aren't you? That's just off the southeast corner of Canada, isn't it?" -- Asked of a New Zealander on a trip to Washington D.C.
"After moving here, how were you able to know what the speed limit was? Could you read our traffic signs?" -- Asked of a Canadian who moved to the United States.
"You're from America? Do you know my cousin Patrick in Chicago?" -- Asked of a tourist from Connecticut in Ireland.
"New Zealand is a state in Australia, right?" -- Asked of an Australian, travelling abroad.
"How do you get around, since you don't have any cars?" -- Asked of an Australian, travelling abroad.
"You don't have electricity there, do you?" -- Asked of an Australian, travelling abroad.
Tourists Without a Clue:
- "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?" -- Asked of a travel agent about travel arrangements to Hawaii.
- "Does your flag come in any other colors?" -- Asked by a tourist in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada.
- "Excuse me, is this the Eiffel Tower?" - Asked by one tourist of another while waiting in line for the CN Tower in Toronto.
- "Were these steps always here, or did they build them?" -- Asked of a guide at Mitchelstown Caves, Cork, Ireland. The guide jokingly replied, "No, but the electricity was!" and the tourist said, "Oh, really, wow!"
- "Can you smell the smoke from the bush fire?" -- Asked of a resident of Perth, Australia, about a fire in Sydney.
- "How long does it take the penguins to migrate to Kelly Tarlton's?" -- Asked at the Auckland, New Zealand, Visitor Information Centre; Kelly Tarlton's is an aquarium which features penguins.
- "Which parks have swings for six-year-old babies?" -- Asked at the Auckland, New Zealand, Visitor Information Centre.
- "Can I get a ferry to Australia?" -- Asked at the Auckland, New Zealand, Visitor Information Centre.
- "Can you tell me where the Sky Tower is?" -- Asked at the Auckland, New Zealand, Visitor Information Centre; the Sky Tower in Auckland is the tallest building in the southern hemisphere and difficult to miss.
- "How does the snow get up Ben Nevis?" -- Asked of a tourist information center in Scotland, referring to the United Kingdom's highest mountain.
- "What time do the penguins leave the zoo?" -- Asked of a tourist information center in Scotland.
- "Is there anyone here who speaks Australian?" -- Asked of a tourist information center in Scotland.
- "Is Fort William still alive?" -- Asked of a tourist information center in Scotland.
- "Where can I find some leprechauns?" -- Asked by a tourist in Ireland.
- "Where is the bridge to Europe?" -- Asked by a tourist in Ireland.
- "Why did the queen build Windsor Castle so close to Heathrow Airport?" -- Asked by an American tourist in England.
- "Were the people in Eastern Finland Europeans, Asians, or maybe Indians?" -- Asked by a tourist in Seurasaari, Finland.
- "Is this city also known as St. Petersburg? Which name is used officially? Or is it only a nickname? We were told about St. Petersburg on our cruiser." -- Asked by a tourist in Helsinki, Finland.
- "We would like to go to Lapland, it sounds exciting. Is Lapland open every day? What about the polar bears? Can we find them?" -- Asked by a tourist in Helsinki, Finland. Lapland is a province of Finland, population 188,000, and polar bears are not indigenous to any part of continental Europe.
- "So Finland consists of several islands? Are you self-sufficient here? Do you have to go somewhere else to get something? I mean...are you happy here?" -- Asked by a tourist in Helsinki, Finland.
- "Didn't this lighthouse used to be round?" -- Asked of a guide at a lighthouse in Nova Scotia.
- "Was it always like that, or did they change it after JFK was President?" -- Asked of a guide at Royal Gorge in Colorado, after saying that from a certain angle, one mountain peak looks like JFK's head.
- "Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street?" -- Asked by a prospective tourist of Canada.
- "Are there any ATMs in Canada? Can you send me list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton, and Halifax?" -- Posted to a web site about tourism in Canada.
- "Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?" -- Posted to a tourism web site.
- "Which direction is north in Canada?" -- Posted to a tourism web site.
- "Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?" -- Posted to a web site about tourism in Canada.
- "Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?" -- Posted to a tourism web site.
- "I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns." -- Posted to a tourism web site.
- "Oh, are you going to drive there?" -- Asked repeatedly of a couple moving to Iceland.
- "How does Canadian sound? I don't think I've ever heard that language before." -- Asked after a friend told him about his vacation in Canada.
- "You guys are working on the Fourth of July? I can't believe it! Don't you celebrate it?" -- Asked of an English employee by an American employee of a international company.
Things People Said: Tourism Follies
- "What do you mean New Hampshire's a long distance call?! It's part of Massachusetts!" -- Declared by someone who grew up in Boston.
- "Vermont is a state?" -- Asked of a contractor that provided long-distance information for AT&T.
- "What state is Minnesota in?" -- Overheard in a store.
- "Sorry, we don't sell tickets outside of the U.S. . . . I don't care how new Mexico is, we don't sell tickets outside the U.S." -- A ticket salesperson for the 1996 Olympics, on the phone with someone from New Mexico.
- "What countries belong to the Netherlands? France...Belgium?"
- "I'm from West Virginia."
"So, what's life like in western Virginia?"
"No, I said West Virginia."
"You know, you're the third person I've talked to from western Virginia, and I will never understand why you don't just say you're from Virginia. It's not that bad of a place!"
-- A conversation between a West Virginian and a Californian.
- "I didn't know you could drive to Europe." -- An eavesdropper, piping in when he overheard a conversation about someone who had driven to Montreal.
- "I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -- can I follow the railroad tracks?" -- Posted to a tourism web site.