I am better than your kids.
If you work in an office with lots of people, chances are that you work with a person who hangs pictures up that their kids have drawn. The pictures are always of some stupid flower or a tree with wheels.
These pictures suck; I could draw pictures much better. In fact, I can spell, do math and run faster than your kids. Since my skills are superior to those of children, I've taken the liberty of critiquing art work done by other kids on the internet.
(by Megan, Age 4)
WTF is this? A dog or a bedside table? If it's a dog, do you really think a dog with only two legs would be smiling? I can answer that for you: No. Grade: F
(by Kyle, age 8)
You spelled America wrong, asshole. Also, I could have sworn America's colors were red, white and blue. Do you see "yellow" anywhere in "red, white and blue"? No, traitor. Grade: F
(by Lisa, age 6)
Happy Easter, Lisa, and good luck as you continue to recover from that head injury. Grade: D (really an F but on the Head Injury Curve that's a D).
(by Cameron, age 4 )
I once saw a chicken paint a picture by holding a brush in his beak. This picture makes that chicken look like Van Gogh. Grade: F
(by Bryce, age 10)
Have the voices been talking to you again, Bryce? As long as they are saying "Paint creepy-ass pictures," that's fine, but if they start saying "Kill Mommy and Daddy," you should let someone know so we can get you medicated. Grade: F
(by Jon, age 8)
Ding Ding! Here comes the Shitmobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather burn to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit. Grade: F
(by Rachel, age 7)
Hey, look, everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white, right, Rachel? Or should I call you Racist? Nice try, Hitler. Grade: F
(by Jason, age 6)
Jason was obviously at the zoo yesterday, where he saw monkeys flinging their own feces at the wall, and decided to try it himself. Grade: F
(by Seth, age 4)
What's wrong, Seth, Mommy pulled you off the teat too soon? Car, my ass. Those are boobs. And let's not mention the thing above them that looks like a boner, ok, Little Oedipus? Grade: F
(by Kelly, age 9)
This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her parents. Nice going, Kelly, now pack up your shit and get the fuck out of this house. This shit might pass if you were 4, but you're 9.. old enough to know that some last minute scribblings on napkins just doesn't cut it for Christmas. Grade: F-.
List Of The Day: Children's Artwork Of The Day