Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Caramel Splatte (a true scat story)

  1. #1
    Elite Member celeb_2006's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    13,468

    Default Caramel Splatte (a true scat story)

    (don't ask where I found this):

    Caramel Splatte | PoopReport.com

    Anyone from NYC knows that it is a VERY unwelcoming place to those in need of a public restroom. (Don't believe me? Read this.) However, my story takes the fucking cake.
    I was walking back home from dinner with my girlfriend when the stomach distress started. I knew I wouldn't make it back to our apartment in time, even though it was only a few blocks away. She helpfully pointed out to me that there was a Starbucks right across the street. Starbucks is famous for being one of the few places in the city with restrooms that you can actually use if you're not a paying customer.
    Unfortunately, when I got to the back of the store, I found six or seven other people who had the same idea -- and they were all a bunch of middle-aged women loaded down with shopping bags and chatting away. I knew that it wasn't going to be the fastest moving line; but even if there were just a couple of people ahead of me, I'm not sure I could have held it in. The mental signal for imminent release had already been given when I walked in the front door, and the countdown to Squirt Town had already begun.
    Luckily (or so I thought at the time), I saw that there was another door next to the restroom, propped open by a bucket and mop. It was obviously where Starbucks stored the cleaning supplies, as the walls were lined with shelves. But I could also see -- right there in the middle of the room against the wall, unprotected by a stall or a covering of any sort -- a sparkling white commode. Well, it probably wasn't sparkling; but right at that moment, it was my knight in shining alabaster armor. I quickly kicked the bucket aside and shut the door behind me.
    I'm not sure if it was one of those busybody bitches who alerted management or if some eagle-eyed barista had spied me entering the room. Either way, within literally fifteen seconds, someone was knocking loudly at the door and screaming at the top of his lungs, "Sir, you need to get out now. You cannot be in there!"
    Of course, at that point, my pants were already around my knees and I was speeding down the fast lane of the Diarrhea Highway.
    "Just a second, I'll be right out!"
    "Sir! You have to come out right now!!!!"
    "Hold on! It's an emergency! I'm sick! I'll be right out!"
    Then, BOOM!!! The fucker actually kicked the door open! I'm not sure if he used a key first or what, but he literally kicked the door wide open while I scrambled onto my feet, naked from the waist down, in full view of the gaggle of ladies in the hallway.
    Well, the gaggle was giggling mightily, and I was PISSED. But my girlfriend, who was waiting for me out in the cafe, has quite the delicate temperament (if I'm in the car and start yelling and honking at another driver, she's on the brink of tears); so I like to think that if it weren't for her, I would have decked this motherfucker. As it was, I got right into his face and demanded to talk to his manager. I was told the manager wasn't there, but I made sure to call back and get the information.
    I ended up sending a letter to Starbucks telling them the situation and hoping to get this asshole fired. Or maybe at least get a goddamn gift card or something. Instead, I just got a letter of apology. Thanks a lot. Wherever you are, you Starbucks douchebag, I hope that one day soon, a buttload of diarrhea ends up in your polyester workpants.

  2. #2
    Elite Member Icepik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    11,036

    Default

    LOL - holy hell, I didn't need a poop story today!!

    Today one of our old ladies was being visited by her family, and the son in law came to get me when the old woman was taking too long in the bathroom. I knocked on the door and asked if she was alright, she said she was, so I left her be. The son in law came out to get me again after another 1/2 to tell me she was still in the washroom. I again knocked on the door and asked if she needed help.

    She opens the door and says "the washroom is a disgusting mess!" and within seconds, I am overwhelmed by the smell of diarrhea. I look past her, at the toilet and it's COVERED with the stuff and slowly overflowing. As to not make her feel bad, I tell her it's ok..I'll take care of it. She then tells me she didnt actually make it to the toilet, that she had an accident in her pants and had to take them off, along with her underwear to wash them, so she could come back out to continue visiting with her family. I tell her to go back to them and that I'll take care of everything.

    She leaves and I walk into the bathroom. I swear, I almost vomited There was shit EVERYWHERE!! All over the toilet, the floor was covered in it, some of the walls were covered in it, the sink had shit all over it and the hand dryer has shit on it. I didn't know one person could hold that much shit within them!! It took me a good hour and a half to clean that mess up!! If anyone saw "Daddy Daycare" they'll know what I mean when I say the room was covered in shit.

    The stench of her shit must have burned my nose hairs because I smelled shit for the rest of the day.

    Too much information? Maybe. But I figure, if I had to suffer that badly, some one should read this and feel alittle

  3. #3
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    895

    Default

    icepik, that's awful! hope you don't have to do something like that again soon

  4. #4
    Elite Member yoyoma's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    5,560

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Icepik View Post
    LOL - holy hell, I didn't need a poop story today!!

    Today one of our old ladies was being visited by her family, and the son in law came to get me when the old woman was taking too long in the bathroom. I knocked on the door and asked if she was alright, she said she was, so I left her be. The son in law came out to get me again after another 1/2 to tell me she was still in the washroom. I again knocked on the door and asked if she needed help.

    She opens the door and says "the washroom is a disgusting mess!" and within seconds, I am overwhelmed by the smell of diarrhea. I look past her, at the toilet and it's COVERED with the stuff and slowly overflowing. As to not make her feel bad, I tell her it's ok..I'll take care of it. She then tells me she didnt actually make it to the toilet, that she had an accident in her pants and had to take them off, along with her underwear to wash them, so she could come back out to continue visiting with her family. I tell her to go back to them and that I'll take care of everything.

    She leaves and I walk into the bathroom. I swear, I almost vomited There was shit EVERYWHERE!! All over the toilet, the floor was covered in it, some of the walls were covered in it, the sink had shit all over it and the hand dryer has shit on it. I didn't know one person could hold that much shit within them!! It took me a good hour and a half to clean that mess up!! If anyone saw "Daddy Daycare" they'll know what I mean when I say the room was covered in shit.

    The stench of her shit must have burned my nose hairs because I smelled shit for the rest of the day.

    Too much information? Maybe. But I figure, if I had to suffer that badly, some one should read this and feel alittle
    OMGosh! That's awful. I hope she was at least humble that you cleaned up
    after her.
    for you

  5. #5
    Elite Member WhateverLolaWants's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    13,660

    Default

    Oh man, Icepik...That's rough. We had something mildly similar happen at the Hollywood video store where I worked. Some guy was on a date...really got girl...he dissapeared into the bathroom for about a half an hour.

    Finally he came out and they left straight away. My boss went in there and came out gagging. Poop overflowing out of a backed up toilet, all over the floor, on the sink, and the guys poopy drawers in the trashcan. It looked like he tried to clean it up, made the mess worse and gave up. I would be MUCH more sympathetic to the old lady, but I also kinda feel bad for the guy having to get back in the car with the girl, considering I'm sure he smelled awful.
    ----------------------------
    There will be times you might leap before you look
    There'll be times you'll like the cover and that's precisely why you'll love the book
    Do it anyway

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. The Making of Dr. Phil: The Straight Talking True Story
    By LynnieD in forum Books and Literature
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: October 17th, 2006, 11:32 AM
  2. BLACK ROBBERS - True Story
    By enctpc in forum Laughs and Oddities
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: September 22nd, 2006, 09:20 PM
  3. E True Hollywood Story: Hip Hop Wives
    By teforde23 in forum Television and Movies
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: July 15th, 2006, 08:42 AM
  4. Angelina Jolie: E True Hollywood Story
    By moocow in forum Television and Movies
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: January 28th, 2006, 11:12 PM
  5. The True Story of Adam and Eve
    By browneyedgirly in forum Laughs and Oddities
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: December 5th, 2005, 12:22 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •