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Thread: Courtroom Quotations

  1. #1
    Elite Member Honey's Avatar
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    Default Courtroom Quotations

    Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
    Witness: "I only have one, you know."

    Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
    Witness: "By death."
    Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

    • Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
    The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.


    • Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
    • Witness: "July 15th."
    • Lawyer: "What year?"
    • Witness: "Every year."
    • Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?"
    • Witness: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet."
    • Lawyer: "Can you identify the rifle?"
    • Witness: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it."
    • Lawyer: "And what did the writing say?"
    • Witness: "'Winchester'!"
    • Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
    • Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."


    • Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
    • Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
    • Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
    • Witness: "Er...his face."


    • Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
    • Witness: "Yes."
    • Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
    • Witness: "I forget."
    • Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"


    • Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
    • Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
    • Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
    • Witness: "Forty-five years."
    • Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
    • Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
    • Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
    • Witness: "My name is Susan."


    • Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
    • Witness: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think."


    • Lawyer: "Did you blow your horn or anything?"
    • Witness: "After the accident?"
    • Lawyer: "Before the accident."
    • Witness: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it."
    Lots more Things People Said: Courtroom Quotations

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    Super Moderator Tati's Avatar
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    Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
    Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
    Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
    Witness: "My name is Susan."
    If you reveal your secrets to the wind you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.

    - Kahlil Gibran

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    Elite Member Sweetie's Avatar
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    This is why I stay so stressed. I have to deal with this type of questions all day long. I think most attorney's are a waste of space.

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    Elite Member carrie2008's Avatar
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    Those are funny!

  6. #6
    Elite Member DontMindMe's Avatar
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    Those are great! The best one I've ever read:

    Lawyer: Are you sexually active?
    Witness:No, I just lie there.
    President Barack Obama
    Sounds amazing, doesn't it?

  7. #7
    La vie en rose DitaPage*'s Avatar
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    Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
    Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
    Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
    Witness: "Er...his face."


    Hahaha, what a dumb Lawyer. How the hell is the witness supposed to know what the person look like under the mask!? DUH!

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    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
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    Elite Member Honey's Avatar
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    • Lawyer: "How many times have you committed suicide?"
    • Witness: "Four times."


    • Lawyer: "Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"


    • Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
    • Witness: "Yes."
    • Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
    • Witness: "None."
    • Lawyer: "Were there girls?"


    • Lawyer: "You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?"


    • Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
    • Witness: "Yes."
    • Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"


    • Lawyer: "Have you lived in this town all your life?"
    • Witness: "Not yet."


    • Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."


    • Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?"
    • Witness: "It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30pm."
    • Lawyer: "And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time, is that correct?"


    • Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
    • Witness: "Borofkin."
    • Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
    • Witness: "I can't remember."
    • Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
    • Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"


    • Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
    • Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
    • Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
    • Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
    • Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
    • Witness: "No."


    • Lawyer: "Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?"
    • Witness: "No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."


    • Lawyer: "What is your marital status?"
    • Witness: "Fair."


    • Lawyer: "Are you married?"
    • Witness: "No, I'm divorced."
    • Lawyer: "And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"
    • Witness: "A lot of things I didn't know about."


    • Lawyer: "And who is this person you are speaking of?"
    • Witness: "My ex-widow said it.


    • Lawyer: "How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?"
    • Witness: "Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney and said he was really good."


    • Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
    • Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."

  10. #10
    Elite Member DontMindMe's Avatar
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    President Barack Obama
    Sounds amazing, doesn't it?

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