Courtroom Quotations

[Honey]

Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness: "I only have one, you know."

Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

• Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"

The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.

• Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
• Witness: "July 15th."
• Lawyer: "What year?"
• Witness: "Every year."

• Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?"
• Witness: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet."
• Lawyer: "Can you identify the rifle?"
• Witness: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it."
• Lawyer: "And what did the writing say?"
• Witness: "'Winchester'!"

• Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
• Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."

• Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
• Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
• Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
• Witness: "Er...his face."

• Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
• Witness: "Yes."
• Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
• Witness: "I forget."
• Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"

• Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
• Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
• Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
• Witness: "Forty-five years."

• Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
• Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
• Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
• Witness: "My name is Susan."

• Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
• Witness: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think."

• Lawyer: "Did you blow your horn or anything?"
• Witness: "After the accident?"
• Lawyer: "Before the accident."
• Witness: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it."

Lots more Things People Said: Courtroom Quotations

[smf]

[Tati]

Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."

[Sweetie]

This is why I stay so stressed. I have to deal with this type of questions all day long. I think most attorney's are a waste of space.

[carrie2008]

Those are funny!

[DontMindMe]

Those are great! The best one I've ever read:

Lawyer: Are you sexually active?
Witness:No, I just lie there.

[DitaPage*]

Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
Witness: "Er...his face."


Hahaha, what a dumb Lawyer. How the hell is the witness supposed to know what the person look like under the mask!? DUH!

[sparkly]

[Honey]

• Lawyer: "How many times have you committed suicide?"
• Witness: "Four times."

• Lawyer: "Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"

• Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
• Witness: "Yes."
• Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
• Witness: "None."
• Lawyer: "Were there girls?"

• Lawyer: "You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?"

• Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
• Witness: "Yes."
• Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

• Lawyer: "Have you lived in this town all your life?"
• Witness: "Not yet."

• Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

• Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?"
• Witness: "It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30pm."
• Lawyer: "And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time, is that correct?"

• Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
• Witness: "Borofkin."
• Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
• Witness: "I can't remember."
• Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
• Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"

• Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
• Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
• Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
• Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
• Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
• Witness: "No."

• Lawyer: "Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?"
• Witness: "No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."

• Lawyer: "What is your marital status?"
• Witness: "Fair."

• Lawyer: "Are you married?"
• Witness: "No, I'm divorced."
• Lawyer: "And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"
• Witness: "A lot of things I didn't know about."

• Lawyer: "And who is this person you are speaking of?"
• Witness: "My ex-widow said it.

• Lawyer: "How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?"
• Witness: "Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney and said he was really good."

• Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
• Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."

[DontMindMe]