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Thread: Dear Santa; A Mother's letter to Santa

  1. #1
    Elite Member LynnieD's Avatar
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    Default Dear Santa; A Mother's letter to Santa

    I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my
    children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor
    and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a
    shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my
    list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter
    with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry
    room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time
    in the next 18 years.

    Here are my Christmas wishes:

    I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,
    which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze,
    but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy
    aisle in the grocery store.

    I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh
    month of my last pregnancy.

    If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint
    resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a
    television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking
    animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the
    crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

    On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes,
    Mommy' to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't
    fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without
    the use of power tools.

    I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting 'Don't eat in
    the living room' and 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my
    voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can
    only be heard by the neighbor's dog.

    If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough
    time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the
    luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being
    served in a Styrofoam container.

    If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to
    brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare
    ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would
    be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house
    without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized
    crime family.

    Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my
    feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.
    Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and
    come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

    Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave
    crumbs on the carpet. (you promised me last year you would lose some
    weight with me so next year you and I could be a cute size two..ok, some
    requests go too far, but none the less.....

    Yours Always,

    MOM...

    P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep
    my children, healthy, safe and of course, young enough to always
    believe in Santa.


    *****This was emailed to me from a friend so there is no link to post***

  2. #2
    Elite Member darksithbunny's Avatar
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    This was great.
    Maybe we should have a thread that
    has everyone of us write their letter to Santa.
    You go first, Lynnie!

  3. #3
    Elite Member LynnieD's Avatar
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    I actually laughed at this--I get so many stupid joke emails. And I figured this would hit home to many of us.

    Unfortunately, gotta run for now....sorry!

    Edit: Lets start a GR letter to Santa!! Could be fun!

  4. #4
    Elite Member crumpet's Avatar
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    I know these are supposed to be funny and have some sort of bonding effect for the moms reading it, but they actually paint motherhood in a terrible light and make motherhood look like living Hell. The irony is that if someone said they didn't want children for any of the reasons listed in that email, they would be assaulted with cries of "But it's all wooorth it", "It's really not that bad", "It's the greatest thing ever".

  5. #5
    Bronze Member cupcake9's Avatar
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    Going to show this to my mom.

  6. #6
    Elite Member Aella's Avatar
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    Sounds like what she needs is birth control and a time machine!

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