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Thread: Funny Quotes

  1. #1
    Silver Member browneyedgirly's Avatar
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    Oct 2005
    Novi, MI

    Default Funny Quotes


    They get better (?) the further you scroll down.............................

    (On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995)

    Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

    Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

    --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.


    "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
    --Mariah Carey

    "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
    --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

    "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
    --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

    "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."

    --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
    `````````````````````````````````````````````````` ``

    "Half this game is ninety percent mental."
    --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

    "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President
    "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle

    "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
    --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
    "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President

    "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
    --Al Gore, VP

    "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
    --Keppel Enderbery

    "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
    --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

    "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
    --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman What I feel like doing at work every day.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Fonzarelli23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005

    Default Re: Funny Quotes

    ^^Those are ridiculous. Some just made me laugh, especially the last one.... The Mariah one was something else though....

    Good post!

  3. #3
    Gold Member ohmygoodness's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Vancouver, BC, Canada.

    Default Re: Funny Quotes

    The Mariah one was actually proven false by Snopes, but I could still see her saying it! :S

  4. #4
    Elite Member HWBL's Avatar
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    Oct 2005

    Default Re: Funny Quotes

    The Bill Clinton one is actually a Shrub quote.
    Warren Beatty: actor, director, writer, producer.

    ***** celeb

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