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Thread: Things you should've learned by now

  1. #1
    Elite Member TheMoog's Avatar
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    Default Things you should've learned by now

    THINGS YOU SHOULD'VE LEARNT BY NOW

    1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

    2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.


    3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

    4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.


    5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.


    6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

    7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.


    8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.


    9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
    10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.


    11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.


    12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

    13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.


    14. Men are from earth, Women are from earth... Deal with it.


    15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.


    16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.

    17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.


    18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.


    19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

    20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.


    21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.


    22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

    23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.


    24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.


    25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.


    26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "
    meetings ".

    27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".


    28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

    29. You should not confuse your career with your life.


    30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.


    31. Never lick a steak knife.


    32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

    33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.


    34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

    35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday.. That time is age eleven.


    36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers..


    37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.


    38. Your friends love you anyway.


    39. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone
    amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic
    .
    Fame is like a river, that beareth up things light and swollen, and drowns things weighty and solid - Francis Bacon

  2. #2
    Elite Member Laxmobster's Avatar
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    32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.



    Who/what can we destroy today?


    Quote Originally Posted by Celestial View Post
    I also choose to believe the rumors because I am, when it is all said and done, a dirty gossip.

  3. #3
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    Some of these are awesome, thanks for posting Moog.

  4. #4
    Elite Member effie2's Avatar
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    Ιnteresting and fun,thanks Mooggie...
    "Effie is all kinds of awesome." - Some internet moderator


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    Thanks Moog they are terrific.

    Is it OK (please) if I forward them on to some other people I know who will enjoy them?

  6. #6
    Elite Member Honey's Avatar
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    Funny, I really liked A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person

    and Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone
    amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


    That's awesome^

  7. #7
    Elite Member DontMindMe's Avatar
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    Thanks Moog! That was just what I needed.
    President Barack Obama
    Sounds amazing, doesn't it?

  8. #8
    La vie en rose DitaPage*'s Avatar
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    2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

    I love that one!

  9. #9
    Elite Member NicoleWasHere's Avatar
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    #1 was pretty cool. Everything else rocked, too.

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    Elite Member Chilly Willy's Avatar
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  11. #11
    Elite Member yanna's Avatar
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    Awesomeness! I loved all of them! 19 is hysterical and so true!

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    Gold Member latinaforever's Avatar
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    Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

    this is so true

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    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

    people who treat other people badly because they make more money or their station in life is viewed as "lower" should be flogged. can't stand people who bitch about service, incorrect orders, how horrible the food is & then ask for a doggy bag. If the food was so fucking awful, why would you want to take that home, you cheap whore?
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

  14. #14
    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    ^^ I agree Mel. When I am hiring a new employee I will always ask my receptionist how they treated her while they were waiting for me. If she says they were rude, dismissive or in anyway made her feel put down I will not even consider hiring them.

  15. #15
    Bronze Member xavier_moon's Avatar
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    32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

    Hmmmm...GR has scored direct hits on Britney, Paris, and Lohan ... but they're still here...ya'll has got to crank it up...ya' hear...

    ...feed me now!

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