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Thread: The Zen of Sarcasm

  1. #1
    Elite Member DontMindMe's Avatar
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    Default The Zen of Sarcasm

    01.Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.






    02.The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire .






    03. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's t he time to do it.






    04.Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.






    05.Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else .






    06. Never test the depth of the water with both feet .






    07. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments .






    08 Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes






    09. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.






    10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .






    11.If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.






    12.If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.






    13.Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.






    14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them .






    15.The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket .






    16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.






    17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together .






    18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works .






    19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving .






    20 . Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.






    21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.






    22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night .




  2. #2
    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    I like a closed mouth gathers no foot!
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

  3. #3
    Elite Member VenusInFauxFurs's Avatar
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    Haha these are good.
    When your daughter plays "House," she pretends to be an annoying doctor with a pill-addiction and a limp.

  4. #4
    Elite Member Rondette's Avatar
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    The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket
    I should really learn to live by this maxim.

  5. #5
    Elite Member kingcap72's Avatar
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    01.Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.


    I like them all, but this one's my favorite.

  6. #6
    Elite Member dangerous's Avatar
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    ^Ditto. Good stuff. Thanks for posting.

  7. #7
    Elite Member carrie2008's Avatar
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    These are great!!! I love #'s 1, 5,7,8, 9, 12, 14.

  8. #8
    Elite Member yoyoma's Avatar
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    These made me laugh so much! I love #1 too
    Thanks for sharing

  9. #9
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    Number 22 cracks me up.. never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!!
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(_)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

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