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Thread: How to drive in Los Angeles

  1. #1
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    Cool How to drive in Los Angeles

    HOW TO DRIVE IN LOS ANGELES

    1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name: It is L A

    2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday evening.

    3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On the 105 Fwy or the 110 Fwy, your speed is expected to match the highway number.

    4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. L A has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Malibu or on PCH, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.


    5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot at.

    6. Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that can get you shot.

    7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of L A and Orange counties. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

    8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubberneckers/shredded tires, cell phoners, deer and other road kill, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.


    9. Online mapping services do not work here; none of the roads are where they say they are, or go where they say they do, and all the freeway off and on ramps are moved frequently. In particular, watch out for occasional disappearance and reappearance of lanes on the highways.


    10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

    11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot. The same goes for the far right lane. Heck, the foregoing applies to all lanes.

    12. Do not try to estimate travel time, just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

    13. Aggressive driving is required when merging onto or exiting the highway or will miss your turn and no one will let you get over.


    14. Tailgating is considered a warning to quickly move out of the way or take the chance of being a victim of a possible hit and run, or possibly shot.

    15. Distraction 101 is a prerequisite! All drivers MUST master the skills of applying make-up, shaving, sipping coffee or beer, eating take-out, text messaging, reading books/newspapers/directions, feed the baby, talking to passengers in the backseat, and viewing laptops if you're to drive in L A.

  2. #2
    Elite Member blissfullyunaware's Avatar
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    hahaha
    I wonder is the traffic is really bad in LA, I've havent been there yet.
    My goal is to be happy with my life.

  3. #3
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    if you only knew....

  4. #4
    Elite Member kingcap72's Avatar
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    Well, I'm planning on moving to L.A. within the next year. And I'm from N.J., we invented bad drivers and road rage, so it'll be business as usual for me in L.A.

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    Elite Member KrisNine's Avatar
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    Oh Mira!! This is so true!!

    #5 cracks me up. With these red-light cameras everywhere, you have a lot of break slamming and accidents at intersections.

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    I'll never forget when I moved back to L.A. (actually 35 miles east) after being gone for 5 years, it had changed so much. You could hear the roar on the freeway starting at 4 a.m. which never used to be true. People driving frickin 75 miles one way to go to work. They would leave 3 hours before they had to actually be at work.

  7. #7
    Elite Member blissfullyunaware's Avatar
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    ^^Damn^^
    I hate leaving an hour ahead as it is. I can't imagine leaving 3 hours early, thats almost half a shift there.
    My goal is to be happy with my life.

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    You can make it in two, if you leave at 5 a.m. and have about 40 miles to drive.

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    Elite Member KrisNine's Avatar
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    Yup! I have friends that have made the move to Corona or Temecula (Riverside County) and they work in Newport Beach. It takes them 2 hours to go less than 30 miles during rush hour. Unless they pay for the toll road, which is about 7 or 8 bucks. That cuts about 30 or so minutes off the drive time. In LA and OC, it pays to work where you live.

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    Elite Member Daphne's Avatar
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    I just got back from LA last week, and I was impressed with how well everyone drove. If you put your blinker on, people actually let you get over. Other drivers also let you merge. I've encountered far worse drivers in Vegas.

  11. #11
    Hit By Ban Bus! AliceInWonderland's Avatar
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    pretty accurate so far

  12. #12
    Elite Member KrisNine's Avatar
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    I find that blinkers serve no purpose here. If you put on your blinker, you are giving warning to the person that you would like to get over into "their" lane. This immediately causes them to speed up. The only way to merge here is to go for it, no indication of where you're going.

  13. #13
    Hit By Ban Bus! AliceInWonderland's Avatar
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    ^ exactly I was using a fucking blinker yesterday with the right of way and this retard at a stop sign almost drove right into the side of my car as i made a left turn in front of him and i'm "WTF?!" and he motioned that he was sorry but your sorry means nothing if you hit my car you dumbass! Read the blinker on my car next time, JEEZ! sometimes its a wonder i dont die of a stress related stroke/heartattack when im in traffic.

    the thing that kills me is all the lane changing - its totally pointless and gets you nowhere faster i swear! just get in the lane you're supposed to be in and stay there till you turn off! and same with slower traffic stay right; that is a universal rule you know! if you're going to drive slow then get outta the left lane you asshole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!








    sorry for my rant; i live in hell-a afterall

  14. #14
    Elite Member Novice's Avatar
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    Awe - Poor Alice!

    I have to say that I drove from Simi to Irvine.... in rush hour..... please bear in mind that we normally drive on the other side of the road, I have no sense of direction & didn't really know where I was going.....

    It was VERY entertaining!
    Free Charmed.

  15. #15
    Elite Member KrisNine's Avatar
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    ^^Oh...Lordy Be!!! That is the drive from HELL! The 405 or the 5 south are both a bleeding horror during rush hour.

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