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Thread: George W. Bush's resume -- read it and weep

  1. #1
    Hit By Ban Bus! pacific breeze's Avatar
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    Default George W. Bush's resume -- read it and weep

    Mary Mattos
    www.pipcom.com/~mmattos

    The Resume of George W. Bush
    1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
    Washington, DC 20520

    Education & Experience

    1. Law Enforcement

    - I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under
    the
    influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
    license suspended for 30 days.

    - My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.

    2. Military

    - I joined the Texas Air National Guard and then went AWOL.

    - I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug
    use.

    - By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat
    duty in Vietnam.

    3. College

    - I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.

    - I was a cheerleader.

    4. Past Work Experience

    - I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

    - I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas , in 1975. I
    bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas . The
    company
    went bankrupt shortly after. I sold all my stock.

    - I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that
    took land using taxpayer money.

    - With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry,
    including Enron CEO Ken Lay, I was elected governor of Texas.

    Accomplishments As Governor Of Texas

    - I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies,
    making Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

    - During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most
    smog-ridden city in America.

    - I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of
    billions
    in borrowed money.

    - I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American
    history.

    - With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my
    father's
    appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by
    over 500,000 votes.

    Accomplishments As President Of The United States

    - I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a
    criminal record.

    - I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over
    one
    billion dollars per week.

    - I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S.
    history.

    - In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs
    and that trend continues every month.

    - I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
    administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire,"Condoleeza
    Rice, had a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

    - I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S.
    President.

    - I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the
    most
    corporate campaign donations.

    - My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best
    friends,
    Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in
    U.S. History, Enron.

    - My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys
    to
    assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election
    decision. I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against
    investigation or prosecution.

    - More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky
    affair than has
    been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate crimes in
    history.

    - I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and
    refused
    to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

    - I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history. I
    changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
    government contracts.

    - I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any
    President in U.S. history.

    - I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy
    in the history
    of the United States government.

    - I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S.
    history.

    - I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations
    remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

    - I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

    - I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war"
    detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

    - I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations
    election
    inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. elections).

    - I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any
    President since the advent of television.

    - I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year
    period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over
    the worst security failure in U.S. history.

    - I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World
    TradeCenter
    attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated
    country
    in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

    - I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
    simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),
    shattering the record for protests against any person in the history
    of
    mankind.

    - I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
    pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation.

    - I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of
    U.S.
    citizens, and the world community.

    - I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut
    in
    duty benefits for active duty troops and their families-in-wartime.

    - In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for
    attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

    - I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans
    (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and
    security.

    - I am supporting the development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker
    Buster," a WMD.

    - I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden
    to
    justice.

    Records & References

    - All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's
    library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

    - All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my
    bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
    view.

    - All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
    attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
    unavailable for public review.

  2. #2
    Friend of Gossip Rocks! buttmunch's Avatar
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    Christ, I feel sad after reading that. We should be so ashamed this guy is sitting in the Oval Office.
    'Those who sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither.' Ben Franklin

    "When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross."
    --Sinclair Lewis

  3. #3
    Elite Member Karistiona's Avatar
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    God this makes me really sad and I'm Scottish :/
    I smile because I have no idea what's going on

  4. #4
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    *twirls a finger*

    Old news, and still people support this idiot.

    The portion of humanity that does is irrevocably lost and frankly not worth the resources they consume.
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

  5. #5
    Hit By Ban Bus! pacific breeze's Avatar
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    Although they consume a lot!

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    Elite Member Sojiita's Avatar
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    What a great compilation of the greatest asshat in US history.

  7. #7
    Hit By Ban Bus! pacific breeze's Avatar
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    He will definitely go down as the worst, most useless and destructive president in US history. I cannot believe that anybody could possible be worse. *checks to make sure she's not tempting the gods with that statement*

  8. #8
    Elite Member Sojiita's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pacific breeze View Post
    He will definitely go down as the worst, most useless and destructive president in US history. I cannot believe that anybody could possible be worse. *checks to make sure she's not tempting the gods with that statement*
    You forgot dumbest and most corrupt!

    when Clinton sneezes out a bugger..the bugger has a higher IQ than Bush!

  9. #9
    Hit By Ban Bus! pacific breeze's Avatar
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    I'm taking heat at SF for posting this. Apparently the neo-cons think I am supposed to get their permission before posting anything that they might have received in their private e-mails. WTF?

  10. #10
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    ROFL

    what's the matter, can't they take REALITY?
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

  11. #11
    Elite Member Sojiita's Avatar
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    shu'up betch you just can't dance!

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    Friend of Gossip Rocks! ourmaninBusan's Avatar
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    Those people who voted for him ought to be ashamed of themselves.

    ♫` ∴|| ~∞≠∝ ♫♪ $ -4C

  13. #13
    Bronze Member Parks's Avatar
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    I believe Bush has a good heart but he's just not intellectually prepared to lead a nation.

  14. #14
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    No man with a good heart wants to torture

    No man with a good heart stays on vacation while one of his cities is wiped out

    No man with a good heart tries to write descrimmination into the constitution

    No man with a good heart LIES constantly

    No man with a good heart accuses people who question him of being an 'enemy sympathizer'

    I could go on.
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

  15. #15
    Bronze Member Parks's Avatar
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    Probably so. 2008 couldn't come soon enough. (:

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