You know what, I'm not even mad at the person who wrote this. They were thorough and did their research and due diligence. Strike while the iron is hot and never turn an opportunity down. Times are tough.
I did laugh at "I caught you red-handed." It's not a very professional or well-written cover letter or email, but hey - it shows the hiring manager that they have an employee with some degree of ambition and tenacity. *shrugs*