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Thread: Truths For Mature Humans

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    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    Default Truths For Mature Humans

    Ned Hardy » 32 Undeniable Truths For Mature Humans

    Truths For Mature Humans

    1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

    2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

    3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

    4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

    5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

    6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

    7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

    8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

    9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

    10. Bad decisions make good stories.


    11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

    12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

    13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

    14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.

    15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? **** it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

    16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

    17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

    18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

    19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

    20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

    21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

    22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

    23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

    24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

    25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

    26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

    27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

    28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

    29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

    30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

    31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

    32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my *** everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
    hustle4alivin likes this.
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

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    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    My favorite:
    26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

    I shit you not, I have been in line and watch some ASSHOLE try to get in at the front of the line and think "I'd like to kill that sorry motherfucker" and I know it's wrong, but I genuinely FEEL it. Get in line and wait like the rest of us, you no good asshole!
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(•_•)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

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    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
    This has never happened.

    5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
    easy!
    [YOUTUBE]YHTyH2nuFAw[/YOUTUBE]

    18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
    It has one.
    24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
    okay, this one is true

    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."

    -- Stephen Hawking

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    Elite Member Air Quotes's Avatar
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    29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

    Love it.
    darksithbunny likes this.
    "A true whore just loves her life." - Sluce

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    Elite Member Bluebonnet's Avatar
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    I love #20!

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    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.


    I always do this. My mother used to joke about it 'Uncle Tonoose, strong like bull'
    darksithbunny likes this.
    All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.


    If I wanted the government in my womb I'd fuck a Senator

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    they're all true except for the car ones that i can't relate to cause i don't drive. and my freezer doesn't have a light but it's so small it doesn't need one.
    and your best friend doesn't just have to clear your computer history if you die, they should also dispose of sex toys.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    *writes best friend a letter right now*
    All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.


    If I wanted the government in my womb I'd fuck a Senator

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    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sluce View Post

    Get out of my head!!!! I frickin agreed with all of them. *hangs head in shame*

    And I'd also rather keel over then take one more trip to bring in the groceries than I have to. I'll cut off circulation to both of my entire arms by loading up with bags rather than keep traipsing outside.
    "Schadenfreude, hard to spell, easy to feel." ~VenusinFauxFurs

    "Scoffing is one of my main hobbies!" ~Trixie

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    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    I don't carry groceries in. If I was meant to carry groceries, I wouldn't have a teenager in the house.
    Kat Scorp and greysfang like this.

    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."

    -- Stephen Hawking

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    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    I agree with all of these, but these are my favorites:

    16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

    17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

    26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
    See, Whores, we are good for something. Love, Florida
    #fingersinthebootyassbitch

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    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by witchcurlgirl View Post
    22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.


    I always do this. My mother used to joke about it 'Uncle Tonoose, strong like bull'
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeSlice View Post
    Get out of my head!!!! I frickin agreed with all of them. *hangs head in shame*

    And I'd also rather keel over then take one more trip to bring in the groceries than I have to. I'll cut off circulation to both of my entire arms by loading up with bags rather than keep traipsing outside.
    Quote Originally Posted by twitchy2.0 View Post
    I don't carry groceries in. If I was meant to carry groceries, I wouldn't have a teenager in the house.
    My son is as bad about that one as I am. We go shopping, we get 'em loaded in the truck, kid looks back and estimates "so, this looks like 3 trips for you and 2 for me"... little shit is always trying to shaft me.
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(•_•)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

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    Elite Member Sarzy's Avatar
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    Haha, love them, they all ring true!

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    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. Huh? I don't understand what this means.

    9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired. Jebus, so true.

    12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again. Agreed

    17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. Bwahaha! OMG, I thought I was the only one.

    30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists. Applause!
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

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    Elite Member Kat Scorp's Avatar
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    I still don't have a blu-ray player, and never felt the need to get one. Remember having to wait for VCRs from the video store to rewind? Then fast forwarding through the adverts? We're so spoiled now.

    21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
    Dirty Dancing - was completely confused by the pregnancy/abortion storyline the first 20 times I saw the movie.


    25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
    lols, that's what I used to be like with dad's Filipino girlfriend. Took a few years before I could understand her through that accent.
    Tiene razon, y gracias por su opinion. Now go fuck yourself.

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