Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 38
Like Tree3Likes

Thread: The Illuminati, the Conspiracy Theory That Connects Jay-Z and Queen Elizabeth

  1. #1
    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Acerbia
    Posts
    32,646

    Default The Illuminati, the Conspiracy Theory That Connects Jay-Z and Queen Elizabeth







    A Comprehensive Guide to the Illuminati, the Conspiracy Theory That Connects Jay-Z and Queen Elizabeth

    Why did Jay-Z and Beyoncé name their kid "Blue Ivy"? What was the deal with Madonna's Super Bowl halftime show? Why did Whitney Houston die? Some people might say that "famous people are weird and sad" is the answer to all three questions. But no, the answer is: The Illuminati. Who?

    Allow us to explain.

    Note: to best service our readers, we've divided this guide into two sections — first, the believer's guide; second, the skeptic's guide.

    The Believer's Guide

    What is the Illuminati?
    The Illuminati is an ancient and shadowy group of elites who control nearly every aspect of life on this planet — from finance and government to religion and culture.

    Who is in the Illuminati?
    The Illuminati is made up of the world's political and financial elite, and also, rappers. Theoretically, membership rolls are kept secret, but most YouTube intellectuals agree that the following people are members:

    • Barack Obama
    • the Pope
    • Queen Elizabeth II
    • George Soros
    • Ben Bernanke
    • George W. Bush
    • Jay-Z
    • Kanye West
    • Rihanna
    • Bob Dylan
    • Beyoncé
    • Lady Gaga
    • Jim Carrey
    • Willow Smith

    What do the Illuminati do?
    Oh, you know, conspiracy stuff. Assassinations, currency manipulation, Super Bowl halftime shows. All executed through puppet institutions and groups like the Federal Reserve, the Council on Foreign Relations, the Freemasons, and Def Jam Recordings. And all carefully controlled and hidden to ensure that their meddling in world affairs will remain secret.

    This is sounding more plausible by the minute. What's the end goal of the Illuminati?
    The end goal of the Illuminati is to establish a one-world authoritarian government known as the New World Order.

    ...and then?
    Here, theories differ. Some of the internet's finest minds, writing on scholarly websites like Yahoo Answers, believe that forced conversion to homosexuality will be a top agenda item in the New World Order. Others claim the first order of business will be to round all non-Illuminati up into FEMA camps, possibly as part of a deal struck with aliens in Roswell. Many, if not most, experts believe that the New World Order will be a front for the rise of the Antichrist.

    The Antichrist?
    Yes. The Illuminati is made up of Satanists.

    Even the Pope?
    I can see how it's confusing. The Pope is actually a Satanist, just like Jay-Z and the Queen of England. (He might even be the Antichrist.) In fact, the whole Catholic church is just a continuation of Babylonian paganism, didn't you know? They keep demons trapped inside the Pentagon, which is why it's, you know, pentagonal.

    Okay. How can I tell who's in the Illuminati?
    I know this sounds counterintuitive, but prominent Illuminati members frequently flag their Illuminati connections. Like how in Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" video, there's that goat head-shaped star formation? Or have you ever seen Jay-Z's video for "On to the Next One"? It has a goat skull in it. Goats, bro.

    Goat heads are an Illuminati symbol?
    Goat heads represents Baphomet, the goat-headed god beloved by 19th-century occultists. It's not the only weird occult reference in "On to the Next One." The creepy guy with the crow, Jay throwing devil horns, the, uh, actual Masonic symbol — all of Hov's (that's right: Hov) videos are filled with Illuminati and occult symbolism. So are Lady Gaga's: that pink triangle and unicorn that you thought was some campy gay reference? Actually symbols of the immaculate conception of a new order of humanity. So are Kanye's videos, especially "Power."

    But how will the Illuminati possibly pull off their plan for secret world domination if they're constantly advertising their own existence?
    Hey! Did I tell you about Madonna's Super Bowl halftime show?

    Ooh, no, tell me.
    It was obviously a Satantic ritual. The color scheme was red and black. She had horns on her helmet. The show happened within 48 hours of the full moon. Her male dancers formed a pyramid, a Masonic symbol. It ended with the phrase "World Peace" — as in, "New World Order Peace." And LMFAO was there.

    LMFAO is Illuminati?
    Can you think of any other reason for their success?

    But why would the Illuminati hold a Satanic ritual during the biggest television even of the year?
    To celebrate the upcoming assassination of Whitney Houston.

    The Illuminati killed Whitney Houston? But... why?
    For two reasons: one, to celebrate the Diamond Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth, and two, to make room in the Illuminati for Blue Ivy Carter.

    Who else have the Illuminati killed?
    Oh, you name it — J.F.K., 2Pac, Bob Marley, Michael Jackson. Heath Ledger's death was a ritualistic sacrifice. Aaliyah was killed by Dame Dash so he could become famous.

    Wow. That makes sense.
    I know. And there's stuff we haven't even covered!

    There's stuff we haven't covered?
    Just a couple, things, like the Bilderberg Group, reptoids, clockwork elves, the Greys, the Rosicrucians, the Knights Templar, and Planet X.

    I really feel like I've learned a lot from this guide. Where can I learn more about the Illuminati?
    I highly recommend reading the very factual Behold a Pale Horse and The Biggest Secret — but you can also find a lot of information on such rigorous and learned websites as Godlike Productions, Vigilant Citizen, Above Top Secret and Prison Planet, the website of Austin radio host Alex Jones. Finally, of course, a great deal of important information is distributed on Twitter, YouTube, and Yahoo Answers.


    The Skeptic's Guide

    What is the Illuminati?
    A defunct German secret society of freethinkers, humanists and Enlightenment academics, founded in 1776 and infiltrated and shut down by Bavarian authorities about a decade later.

    There hasn't been an Illuminati in 200 years?
    Well, it's been in use as a conspiracy theory ever since it was first founded, mostly by monarchists, right-wingers, and religious Christians looking for explanations as to why things aren't going their way.

    So who believes in the Illuminati?
    Generally speaking, Ron Paul voters, people who are in militias, washed-up rappers, teenage R&B fans on Twitter, and that one guy from high school who is always posting links to Erowid "experiences" to Facebook.

    That's kind of a broad range of people, isn't it?
    Yeah. Weird, huh?

    I don't get it. If it's this right-wing Christian conspiracy, how do rappers start believing in it?
    That's kind of the million-dollar question. Columbia professor Marc Lamont Hill says that conspiracy theories are a natural response by African-Americans to their disenfranchisement: "There have always been questions and conspiracies about the structure and nature of power by African-Americans, and naturally those questions have made their way into hip-hop," he told the Philadelphia Weekly in 2010. "[In the 1990s] people were going to black book stores... and buying books like Behold a Pale Horse... They were talking about the Illuminati and the Rothschilds and Bilderbergs."

    So Alex Jones and Prodigy were reading the same fucked-up conspiracy books? That's wild, man.
    Dude, Prodigy is going to to vote for Ron Paul.

    This is pretty nuts. Can I read more about it somewhere?
    Yeah — here's a good Philadelphia Weekly story about the rap Illuminati phenomenon. Here's a Slate column about pop music and Illuminati. Here's an XXL timeline of Illuminati references in rap music. The New Yorker has a really awesome long article about conspiracy theories in America from 1995, but it's subscriber only. Animal has been tracking the Illuminati for years. And this was my favorite book when I was in high school, though it's unfortunately out of print. Oh, and dude, you have to read Foucault's Pendulum. And the Illuminatus! trilogy!

    Yo, while we're here, can we talk about reptoids?
    No.




    A Comprehensive Guide to the Illuminati, the Conspiracy Theory That Connects Jay-Z and Queen Elizabeth
    Last edited by witchcurlgirl; February 28th, 2012 at 03:17 PM.
    All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.


    If I wanted the government in my womb I'd fuck a Senator

  2. #2
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    fellow traveller
    Posts
    51,103

    Default



    love "youtube intellectuals"
    are those even more credible than mtv academics?
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  3. #3
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    louisiana
    Posts
    16,694

    Default

    boy some real loonies in this world ain't there
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  4. #4
    La vie en rose DitaPage*'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    37,547

    Default

    The worst part is it actually makes sense.

  5. #5
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Milliways
    Posts
    53,844

    Default

    No it doesn't! Snap out of it!

    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."

    -- Stephen Hawking

  6. #6
    Elite Member Butterfly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    In a Handbasket
    Posts
    5,444

    Default

    I clicked on some of the links, and these people need to take off the tinfoil hats and come out of their parent's basements and get some fresh air....especially this nutter.
    ><((((º>·. ¸¸. ·´¯`·.¸¸><((((º>><((((º>`·.¸¸.··´¯`·...¸><((((º>¸.·´¯`·.. ><((((º> `·.¸¸.·´¯`·...¸><((((º>

  7. #7
    Elite Member caramel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    In Finland
    Posts
    3,220

    Default

    hah ok then, we have no hope then if moron goat worshipers rihannas and beyonces are in power. and there is intellectual youtube creeps
    we don't have to make love to have an orgasm

  8. #8
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    fellow traveller
    Posts
    51,103

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DitaPage* View Post
    The worst part is it actually makes sense.
    seriously? i thought you were over this and had come to your senses?
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  9. #9
    Elite Member lurkur's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    5,340

    Default

    Illuminati is fake, but nothing will convince me that John McCain isn't reptilian!

  10. #10
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Milliways
    Posts
    53,844

    Default

    Well, yeah. That's just common sense.

    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."

    -- Stephen Hawking

  11. #11
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    louisiana
    Posts
    16,694

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by lurkur View Post
    Illuminati is fake, but nothing will convince me that John McCain isn't reptilian!
    this I'll go along with
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  12. #12
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Milliways
    Posts
    53,844

    Default

    It's the tongue.

    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."

    -- Stephen Hawking

  13. #13
    Elite Member Jezi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    We all float down here
    Posts
    1,716

    Default

    *whistles X files theme*


    When it come to conspiracy theories, I think there's always an official story and a loony story, but the truth is somewhere in the middle.

  14. #14
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Milliways
    Posts
    53,844

    Default

    But in this case, the middle is way over on the official side.

    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."

    -- Stephen Hawking

  15. #15
    Elite Member Lobelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    a backwards hillbilly state
    Posts
    20,801

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by sputnik View Post


    love "youtube intellectuals"
    I know!!! I lol'd

    Great article. Confirms all my darkest fears
    "I've cautiously embraced jeggings"
    Emma Peel aka Pacific Breeze aka Wilde1 aka gogodancer aka maribou

    Yip, yip, yip in your tiny indignation. Bark furiously on, lady dog.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 19
    Last Post: February 2nd, 2012, 06:38 AM
  2. Queen Elizabeth II as you've never seen her before
    By Novice in forum Latest Gossip
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: June 18th, 2011, 03:40 PM
  3. Glen Beck Conspiracy Theory Generator
    By KristiB in forum Laughs and Oddities
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: February 18th, 2011, 07:12 AM
  4. Conspiracy Theory: Did We Land on the Moon?
    By 75Sasha in forum Television and Movies
    Replies: 46
    Last Post: July 22nd, 2009, 09:16 AM
  5. Marion Cotillard's 9/11 conspiracy theory
    By Incognito in forum Latest Gossip
    Replies: 109
    Last Post: March 4th, 2008, 12:50 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •