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Thread: Marney's OCD Thanksgiving Letter

  1. #1
    Elite Member hustle4alivin's Avatar
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    Default Marney's OCD Thanksgiving Letter

    I think this has been going around for a few years (and featured on Awkward Family Photos), but you couldn't pay me to eat at this woman's house. Some of the food Marney wants sounds gross as hell anyhow:

    Back to San Diego: Happy Thanksgiving: OCD-Style

    The Thanksgiving Letter « AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com 11/26/2009

    I'm not one to gossip, but I received this letter from a friend. She got it from her coworker, whose sister wrote it! (Seriously.)

    Apparently, it takes a village to build a Thanksgiving feast...and as we know, every village needs a village leader (or village idiot, as the case may be).

    I changed none of the wording except for the names (so they can't sue me when they read this).

    Happy Thanksgiving!
    ---

    From: Marney

    As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.

    Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.

    All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.

    HJB—Dinner wine

    The Mike Byron Family
    1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don't feel like you a have to feed an army.
    2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don't care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
    3. Toppings for the ice cream.
    4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.

    The Bob Byron Family
    1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.
    2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).

    The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family
    1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).

    The Michelle Bobble Family
    1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.
    2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon
    3. Proscuitto pin wheel - please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.
    4. A pie knife

    The June Davis Family
    1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.
    2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay

    The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)
    1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.
    2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.

    Looking forward to the 28th!!

    Marney
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



    Team Amy Misto! I see she's the rebel in this family. I'd be the one who'd call everyone up to make sure they bring aluminium foil, soup spoons, a huge pot of cooked turnips, drop that shit off, and take our asses to Ryan's or Golden Corral to have a relaxing Thanksgiving Dinner.

    And I'm the type of guy who actually brings food and booze to a potluck/cookout, so I understand if she wants people to bring certain food to avoid lazy fucks who bring a can of cranberry sauce or a bag of ice and think they're doing something. But to tell people the type of dishes and spoons to have, really?

    I remember one year when my parents were hosting Christmas dinner and my mom called her sisters and my grandmother to make sure they all bought their food in aluminum pans because we were using food warmers and doubling up the pans as chafing dishes. My grandmother brought her food over in Tupperware and my mom went fucking nuts. I was too drunk by that time to care, so I just laughed - You try lighting chafing dish burners when you've had rum and egg nog all Christmas day.
    Last edited by hustle4alivin; November 10th, 2011 at 09:21 PM.
    What Kind of Welfare, Witchcraft Hocus Pocus Hoedown is this?!

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    Elite Member Karistiona's Avatar
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    Oh my God what a roaring cunt of a woman! Amy Misto sounds like the only normal one of the bunch. I feel bad for the June Davis family being berated for their oversized blue serving dish.
    I smile because I have no idea what's going on

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    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    What a controlling uptight cunt.
    See, Whores, we are good for something. Love, Florida
    #fingersinthebootyassbitch

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    Elite Member sprynkles's Avatar
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    R.S.V.P
    Dear Marney
    Fuck right off.
    See, I did read it.
    Sincerely Amy

    "A massive penis means never having to say you're sorry". Mo

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    Elite Member Air Quotes's Avatar
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    For fucks sake why don't the Byron,Byron,Chesterford,Bobble,Davis, and Misto families tell her to shove all the serving spoons up her gash and be done with it?
    "A true whore just loves her life." - Sluce

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    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    Now word in my family is don't even try to enter the kitchen on Thanksgiving. You don't need to bring anything, thank you very much. You may enter the kitchen to make a bloody mary or replenish mine, but that is it. My dad was giving me crap this week about it. I have a system and I don't need any nonsense getting in my way.

    15 lbs of mashed potatoes? Dayum.
    If i hear one more personal attack, i will type while drunk, then you can cry! - Bugdoll
    (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she doesn't seem to have the depth or warmth
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    (Replying to MontanaMama) This is some of the smartest shit I ever read

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    Elite Member hustle4alivin's Avatar
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    WTF is a 'regulation size casserole dish' anyhow? Does Williams-Sonoma sell those? Are there American, Canadian, and European regulation sizes?



    Quote Originally Posted by sprynkles View Post
    R.S.V.P
    Dear Marney
    Fuck right off.
    See, I did read it.
    Sincerely Amy
    What Kind of Welfare, Witchcraft Hocus Pocus Hoedown is this?!

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    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hustle4alivin View Post
    WTF is a 'regulation size casserole dish' anyhow? Does Williams-Sonoma sell those?





    Yeah, I was wondering that too.
    See, Whores, we are good for something. Love, Florida
    #fingersinthebootyassbitch

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    Elite Member Trixie's Avatar
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    Haha, I would bring booze, lots of booze. Probably the only way to get through the holidays in that family.

    But I actually do feel a bit of sympathy for Marney. She's probably been stuck hosting these get-togethers for years for a bunch of lazy assholes who think they're doing her a favor by showing up.

    This cracked me up "Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level." Reminds me of a cousin of mine, and that potluck thread we had awhile back.
    These people don't give a fuck about YOU or us. It's a message board, for Christ's sake. ~ mrs.v ~
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    Elite Member DeChayz's Avatar
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    I love Marnie's Thanksgiving Letter! AFP makes a "regulation size serving dish" with the Marnie Letter printed inside:

    http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2011/...-serving-dish/

  11. #11
    Elite Member hustle4alivin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trixie View Post
    Haha, I would bring booze, lots of booze. Probably the only way to get through the holidays in that family.

    But I actually do feel a bit of sympathy for Marney. She's probably been stuck hosting these get-togethers for years for a bunch of lazy assholes who think they're doing her a favor by showing up.

    This cracked me up "Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level." Reminds me of a cousin of mine, and that potluck thread we had awhile back.
    I thought about that thread too

    I bet this letter probably was the result of years of frustration from freeloading people coming to her house and not contributing one iota to the dinner and it wound up coming to this passive-aggressive psychosis expressed in her letter.

    If it's one thing I can't stand is a user who mooches off other people. My dad likes to tailgate before football games and him being the extroverted guy he is invites a lot of people. Last year, I went down to a game and he invited his doctor and one of the nurses in the office. The nurse bought her boyfriend, who proceeded to get on his phone and invited his friends. My dad left the game early and when I got back to his trailer, I noticed there were about 10-15 people milling about and he was inside asleep (he was tired because it is hard work getting all that set up). I asked him did he know all those people who were outside. Those vultures ate all the damn food. You hear me? ALL of it. Very few people bothered to even bring a damn chicken wing but were happy to plop their fat country asses down to eat?! It still gets me boiling mad to this day when I think about it.

    Does anyone here have OCD people like this in their family? Wanting you to bring Canary yellow 9-inch dishes? Mashed potatoes must be served with white pepper and Land O'Lakes Butter and Land O'Lakes butter ONLY? Or send emails with highly-detailed spreadsheets on who brings what, who sits where, etc?
    What Kind of Welfare, Witchcraft Hocus Pocus Hoedown is this?!

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    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Lawd! This would never go over in my family. The only sin would be bringing anything not beautifully cooked or baked and the WORST sin: not bringing enough. No one dares try that one.
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

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    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    Hahahah Marney = Pretty Girl... Poor amy misto is the cousin!
    Kill him.
    Kill her.
    Kill It.
    Kill everything... that IS the solution!
    П(•_•)П
    twitchy molests my signature!

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    Elite Member ManxMouse's Avatar
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    I would bring a steaming bag of dicks with a side of SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS.
    Santa is an elitist mother fucker -- giving expensive shit to rich kids and nothing to poor kids.

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    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    Thank God these people aren't in my family because I'd have had to kill someone(else) by now
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

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