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Thread: Maxi Pad honesty

  1. #1
    Elite Member LynnieD's Avatar
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    Default Maxi Pad honesty

    Got this from an email from a friend. Isn't hilarious, but got a chuckle out of the one paragraph about going to Walgreens.



    This is an "actual letter" from an Austin, Texas woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding one of their feminine products. She really gets
    rolling after the first paragraph. This was PC Magazine's 2007 Editors' Choice award-winner for the best letter sent via e-mail
    .

    Dear Mr. Thatcher,

    I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go
    horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

    But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

    Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'

    Isn't the human body amazing?

    As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know
    about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

    The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'


    Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
    mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?


    FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

    For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
    'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.

    Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly will miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh!t. And that's a promise I will keep.

    Always,

    Wendi Aarons
    Austin , TX

  2. #2
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    Default



    speaking of, my boobs hurt today. fucking PMS.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  3. #3
    Elite Member Brah's Avatar
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    Amen. Yesterday I walked 2 miles to the town center, and on the way back I felt like I was gonna vomit and I could barely walk, thanks to the backaches and cramps. Not to mention I've been in a shitty mood the past few days. I hate my period.

  4. #4
    Elite Member Str8_uncut-jock's Avatar
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    That letter is laugh out loud, snort and spit your drink out funny.

  5. #5
    Elite Member Beeyotch's Avatar
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    I love it. And I agree with her, every single word. I can remember the incredulous rage of resentment I felt when I first heard that slogan. Have a happy period???? I wanted to kick in the balls whoever was responsible for that one.

  6. #6
    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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    Oh, I love her. Send her a GR invite. I think rather than little sayings, all of the adhesive backings should have $1 off coupons for booze or painkillers and say "Sucks, doesn't it?"
    "Schadenfreude, hard to spell, easy to feel." ~VenusinFauxFurs

    "Scoffing is one of my main hobbies!" ~Trixie

  7. #7
    Elite Member faithanne's Avatar
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    I dunno, I kind of hate when women perpetuate the stereotype that we all become homicidal maniacs when we get our period. I have some bad moments, but not THAT bad. And yet if men try to imply we're bitches when it's that time of the month we try and rip their heads off.
    "You're going to die tomorrow, Lord Bolton. Sleep well."



  8. #8
    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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    I am that bad. Homicidal maniac bad. Lock myself in the house to avoid going out in a blaze of glory at Walgreen's bad.
    "Schadenfreude, hard to spell, easy to feel." ~VenusinFauxFurs

    "Scoffing is one of my main hobbies!" ~Trixie

  9. #9
    Elite Member WhateverLolaWants's Avatar
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    My periods weren't nearly so bad up until the past few years. Now I have to admit, my hormones are just off the charts I say things that later shock even me, I cry at the drop of a hat, my tits feel like they're going to explode from my chest and I retain pitchers full of water weight.

    Have a happy period my sloshy, bloated ass.
    ----------------------------
    There will be times you might leap before you look
    There'll be times you'll like the cover and that's precisely why you'll love the book
    Do it anyway

  10. #10
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'

    I think I love her..and her husband.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

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    Elite Member Kittylady's Avatar
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    I agree with it all except this part: there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

    I've had happy period days, in spite of the cramping and conflicting desires to either screw any reasonable looking male within grabbing distance or kill them and eat their corpse, followed by a six pack of snickers for dessert. When you go seven or eight days overdue and are starting to feel a little worried those cramps and nympho-murderous impulses can seem wonderful (in the short term at least).
    I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. Hunter S Thompson

    How big would a T-Rex wang be?! - Karistiona


  12. #12
    Elite Member Moongirl's Avatar
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    Apparently, there really is a Wendy Aaron's, though she didn't actually send this to Walgreen's:

    snopes.com: An Open Letter to Procter & Gamble

  13. #13
    Elite Member Bellatheball's Avatar
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    I've never liked the wings. They're too scratchy.

  14. #14
    Gold Member LouLaLa's Avatar
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    "America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants"



    The woman is a genius!

    They should put Lorraine Bobbit in charge instead of Mr Thatcher.

  15. #15
    Elite Member LynnieD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moongirl View Post
    Apparently, there really is a Wendy Aaron's, though she didn't actually send this to Walgreen's:

    snopes.com: An Open Letter to Procter & Gamble
    You mean she never sent it to Proctor & Gamble right?

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