Your dad was into mother nature before you were and he has the tent popping skills to prove it. He knew that partying in the city was played out, so he stepped his game up and stepped into the great outdoors. With his Igloo cooler filled with sangria and man musk scented flannel, he marched cocksure into the wilderness. He was the Bear Grylls of his generation, but unlike Bear, he drank fragrant wine instead of his fragrant piss.
So hipsters, next time you’re packing up the 1990 Volvo wagon to escape into nature because “those fucking mainstream ass hats” have gentrified your once beautiful urban landscape, remember this…
The great outdoors were just the outdoors until your dad got there.
Your dad drank obscure sodas before you did and he has the cavities to prove it. Fuck Coke and Pepsi, they’re the Justin Bieber of refreshments. When your dad was thirsty he tossed back sodas so obscure that sometimes he didn’t even know what they were. Ginger lemon agave soda, fuck yeah he’s drank it and it doesn’t even exist.
So hipsters, next time you’re crushing a glass bottle of Jarritos or Boylan soda at your favorite taqueria while complaining about how mainstream it has become because of a Groupon, remember this…
Your dad’s soda game was on point and next time you want to earn some indie cred, maybe you should ask dad what to drink.
More at: Dads: The Original Hipsters